Being a long distance granny

Thanks rock, and so pleased face-time made your day!

Almost time for me to get hold of the American lot. I know it'll be happy chaos there.

Hope other long-distance grans got the chance to Skype /FaceTime with their families. It is the next best thing to actually being with them. It has made our day, too, having our two daughters and little granddaughter with us on Skype from the US. We watched them open presents and they chatted to us while we had lunch so it has been a better day than anticipated.
Sending best wishes to you all.

Thank God for Skype with grandchildren far away. Can't help but feel a bit sorry for myself as my other son is in UK with his wife's family at present, but they were with us for a few nights over Christmas, so that is not all bad. I have this mad desire to get on a plane and be with the grandchildren in USA, but know it would be totally tiring and a waste of time, money and energy and leave me with jet lag. The time between Christmas and New Year is a difficult time for me and after all the rushing around madly before Christmas, I find I am lacking in energy to want to send out invitations to friends. We have such a small family - no brothers and sisters and I am beginning to feel rather sorry for myself, so had better sign out and do something positive!

Anyone else feel like this?

Grandulated I had a mad desire to visit the grandkids in the USA - so did so this September. Yes, long-haul travel is tiring and expensive, but it was marvellous to just be with them all. I wonder why you think it would be a waste of your time.
My other son is in the UK, so I didn't spent time with any family this Christmas (I'm in France), so did something different and refreshing instead.

I understand you feeling gloomy - I certainly do at times - but it serves me no purpose. Instead I try to make my life as interesting as I can, so I have news and nonsense to chat about on skype.

I do hope you pick-up soon.

Feeling so much better since I went out in the fresh air and then came in and had lunch - I don't often get down, but somehow it has all got to me this year.

We always felt we had done a good job in making our sons independent, but the lull between Christmas and New Year has caught me being unnecessarily negative.

Thanks to ffinnochio for her sensible words. It doesn't help for me to have gloating friends with grandchildren who visit regularly -my only grandchildren live abroad and no signs of the UK lot producing any! We are planning a trip to the USA in the spring - the family came over to us in the Autumn. I must give myself a pep talk.

Since my son and family moved to the Falklands two months ago I have relied on Facebook as a main source of contact. Usually there is a post or photo daily so I am content that they are ok. However if there is nothing for a day or so I worry terribly that something bad has happened. I realise I am being silly but the feeling is very real and I wish I could just stop thinking about them all the time. I could email or phone but if they are fine I would just sound overprotective, if there is something wrong what could I do from 8000 miles away? I don,t really expect an answer - just wanted to air the worry. Thanks.

rockgran - I don't think you are being silly at all. Our children are always our children and it is only natural to be concerned about them. Like you, I am able to bear (just about!) having two daughters and a granddaughter living in the US as long as I know everything is fine with them, but I, too, panic if I don't see a Facebook post, or if I message and don't get a fairly prompt reply!

My DD2 understands what I am like and she is very good about keeping in touch so I am able to Skype on a daily basis with her and little GD. However, DD1 is only good at getting in touch if something is wrong, hence I dread seeing a Skype message coming through from her as it is usually another catastrophe to report.

I don't think we are overprotective - it is just reassuring to know that they are all ok, and in your case, it has only been two months. I ought to be used to it as they have been away for seven and five years, but I am still as bad and more so since DGD arrived almost three years ago.

Facebook doesn't work for me anymore with my son - he has 'come off it' so no joy there for me! However, I glean more from Flickr pictures, as to what they are all doing at any one time. My son has lived in the USA for quite a few years now and it is something that I have had to get used to, but I just have to check the photos often, to see what is happening. If none appear, I expect the worst, just like you with Facebook. I think it is a normal reaction by us Mums.

We try and talk on Skype at the weekends and it is lovely to see my two grandchildren plus my DiL and the dog and we have come to an understanding that if the Skyping hasn't taken place, that I text my son and he talks to me on the way to work, early in the week, on 'hands-free' and we can have a good long grown-up chat and we can be quite open with each other. I, too don't like to bother them too much, as they have their own lives to lead, but I can't help but worry, especially if I am a bit down, as I was yesterday!! (It does help to talk to others in the same predicament.) I find that friends whose families have stayed close to them geographically, have no idea of what we go through and often can be thoughtless with comments. My grandchildren were both born abroad, so I have never had them nearby, so I know no other way of being a Grandmother. We have had some great holidays seeing them and have seen a lot of the USA whilst out there. My son will always live in the USA - I don't know about your family?

(New to this so not up-to-speed with the abbreviations!)

All the best and try to keep busy. Luckily the world is a smaller place these days, as they say.....but it is hard to remain up beat, especially when they first go away - it gets better and we learn, mostly to adjust.

Thanks granulated and bellasnanna - it helps to know I am not just being a fusspot. I know they are very busy at the moment as my son has the week off work and it is the school summer holidays. Hopefully they are on the beach having a great time. Also their internet connection is a bit limited and very expensive and it is nearly the end of the month so they may be conserving it. But as you say, you never stop being a mum and however much contact I have it would never be enough. It helps to talk to someone in the same position - it is hard to explain to anyone not going through it.

Adjustment is the key - but yes, it does take time. We've all lived in different countries for over 10 years now, and before that they were off out in the world and at Uni. So I've had plenty of time to get my head around it all.

I know I'm an odd-bod, but I really don't worry about my sons and their lives very much. Our relationships have evolved into 'no news is good news' as they always contact us if there is a problem or they have concerns. That's not to say they don't contact us unless there's a problem. Quite the reverse, which is lovely.

They know I miss them, and we'd all like to spend more time together, but we don't bang on about it. My daughters-in-law keeps me up to speed with chit-chat by email, but on skype it usually my sons that I talk to. So a good mixture.

Sometimes, when feeling fed-up that they're not a little closer, I definitely avoid threads that contain a lot of chat from other grans about time spent with grandchildren. It's not that I'm not interested, but it can highlight a background sense of regret about not being with them all more often.

...and yes, it can be hard to remain upbeat. No kids, grandkids or any family members around is grim at times. Thank goodness for the many good friends where I've made my home.

not an easy row to hoe is it. My Gn prize of some xmas picture books came in handy this morning as it lured GS onto Skype to listen. (the pooping dinosaur one is scary - it eats not only the stereotyped granny but also mum, dad and horror of horror, the pets!). He is reluctant Skyper and his dad is not much better. I try not to worry despite the fact that both sons have major health issues lurking in the background - worrying is a horrible feeling and I have more or less learned the knack of not thinking about them most of the time

I have one DGD who lives in Australia and more GC in the UK. The overseas one was born there, is an Aussie, so we haven't known any different. Now he's nearly 6 it is easier to have a phone conversation with him (skype is hopeless where they live), and in fact we have seen a lot of him but in more concentrated doses - either they come here or we are lucky enough to go there for an extended period. Hope it works out well for you, Frances, I would suggest trying to make the trip as often as possible (annually if you can)

ps the time difference is a nuisance DGS is either going to bed or rushing off to school when we phone; Facebook is good at keeping up-to-date with what they are up to (DD2 is over there as well!)

Yes, thank goodness for good friends, who unfortunately, all seem to have been occupied over this festive period! I also feel that it is best to keep a distance from close knit families with grandchildren nearby, as it just rubs salt into the wound - not that I would completely rule out meeting up with them. Likewise blogs on cosy family get-togethers are a no-no, as ffinnochio mentioned earlier.

I am lucky to have hobbies and interests and committee positions which normally keep me interested and I have some lovely friends without families who are always in the background. It's just this Christmas/New year lull which has gotten to me this year.

Friends dropping by soon; a phone call or two to make to meet up with others....planning a trip out to see the Grandkids in the spring, and back on the diet today.

OH tries to keep it all in perspective for me, if he can keep himself away from the computer for long enough....that must be a blog on another Gransnet thread!

Now I know why things had gone a bit quiet on Facebook, the boys have been ill since Christmas Day - not sure what yet - but they were obviously too busy for chit chat. Just wish I could babysit and give them a break. Feeling helpless but relieved it's not worse.

Oh, just had a message to say they are much better - so now I feel better too! Happy New Year !

rockgran so glad you have had better news. Happy New Year to you too.

Thanks, bellasnana.

Have just spoken to my daughter in New Zealand on Skype and am feeling fairly thrilled that the technology exists so that I can both see and hear her in real time. We are so fortunate.
When my uncle moved to Australia in the sixties I remember my Nana's anguish at the prospect of never seeing her son again - and she never did; she died ten years after he left and shortly before his first planned visit home.

Oh how sad - yes we are much luckier now. One Facebook message can make my day!

Facebook can make MY day too. Sorry Rockgran to hear the boys have been unwell and I know all too well, that helpless feeling of not being near enough to help - we are so lucky to have all this modern technology, definitely. When my cousin emigrated to Aus, back in the early 70s, we were so sad that we might never see her again. She has been over to the UK a number of times since then and we email regularly and sometimes even Skype.
Happy New Year!

JessM loved your ideas on coping and I think I do some of the same - picture books, action rhymes and puppets on Skype and I can echo the 'not thinking about them' way of coping. (Not easy to do sometimes, but it was always thus during my offsprings' time at University, so should be well trained by now.) On with the day.......

Yes granulated lots of practice and just when I think i have it sussed... bit antsy over the last few days with anxiety in the background during waking hours but niggling away and impairing sleep when defences down (e.g. waking in the night)
However they are having a lovely Christmas with both sons together and then DS1 having his friends there from UK for a visit. GD champion chatterer - we spent about half an hour working on our drawing of cats and dragons (exchanging tips) and then i sent her links of birds I had seen recently.

My daughter and son in law are going back to New Zealand in a couple of days. My daughter is 8 weeks pregnant with my first grandchild and I am heartbroken. I stupidly had this rose tinted view of what it was going to be like to be a grandma never thinking I would be a Face Time grandma. Please tell me these feelings will go away and it will get better. Gail