Being a long distance granny

So sorry to hear that, pengran. It's early days for you so you are bound to be feeling fragile. Hope tomorrow will be a better day for you.

I get that too, pengran, it's the little things. I found a drawing my grandson had done- the tears are very near the surface. Today we did a FaceTime with my son which made me feel a lot better. Still haven't seen the grandchildren as it would be a bit unsettling for them (only been gone a week) but it was nice to make real contact. I tried to be upbeat and chirpy as I don't want him to worry about us. Being a parent is all about letting go - the hardest thing in the world!

So sorry you are feeling bereft. We went through the same 3 years ago. Totally unexpected DS and DiL came back in June and are now expecting. Maybe things will change for you too.x

Post to Pengran. X

Skype, Facebook (where all the latest pics appear!) - don't know what I
would do without them. It's difficult sometimes catching them in Brisbane
because of the time difference. but even if it's just a little snapshot of
their lives it's worth sooo much.

Presents - I still send a few bits by mail, just so they have something
to unwrap. Another good way is buying via an Aus site like Big W or
Target. Quick delivery and very little postage.

Thinking of spending longer over there through house swaps is another
plan. Anything to see more of them!

So enjoyed your comments. Mine are a little different. We returned to UK 14 years ago, and in the years that followed became grandparents x 4. We came to visit every year but finances dictated hat this could not be sustained. After my husband had cancer (thankfully all is now well) our daughter and son in law asked us to move back to live with them, so their children, in their words ' could have the same relationship with us as they do'. Last year we moved, sold up our home for the third time and moved 6000 miles. We arrived and after a few days it became apparent that the relationship we had was now changed and we were to just get on with life, as we were not on holiday any more. This means in reality that we know far less about the life of our daughter than when we lived 6000 miles away. We live on the property, but unless we make the effort do not see her. The shining light in all of this is the closeness we have now with our boys (8 and 5) I do homework with the eldest twice a week and fill up the slack where needed at other times. Whilst I love the closer relationship with the boys I feel so lonely at times, even though I have set up a craft group and met some other grannies. I sometimes think life would have been smoother if I had kept the illusions of closeness by staying in UK. Still if the truth be known I was probably looking thru rose tinted glasses before. So my message is that the grass is not always greener on the other side so think long and hard before making any life changes in your twlight years.

Mine have now been gone three weeks and I am pathetically grateful for the smallest item of contact on Facebook. If I don't see any action for a while I panic that they are having a crisis. Then I see some innocuous facebook update and realise they were just busy enjoying their new life! When they post any photos of the children I am in heaven for a few hours.
Having said that it is getting better..... I think.

Like others on here I see too little of my two grandaughters due to geographic and work limitations but not an hour goes by without me thinking of them and what they might be up to. I live for them. Long distance grandparenting is difficult and emotional.

rockgran I find it does get better, or rather, I get used to it. I'm glad you're finding a way with it.

My relationship with my son and family has evolved because of the distance involved and arrival of the grandchildren. I wouldn't say it's worse or better, just different. I know he misses his home country quite a bit at times, and I do, too - so we have a little chat about being ex-pats and then move on. As long as he and his family continue to be happy...........

I have two grand daughters ( beautiful of course) who live in Guyana. We get to see them about once a year but see them on Skype. It saddens me to know that I will never have the close relationship that I have with my other two UK grandchildren whom I look after once a fortnight, I remind myself that our Guyana GDs make my son very happy and that is what counts.

Just recently my son told his 3 year old that as a reward for her eating all her dinner he would send a photo of her empty plate to show us. We use 'thumbs up' to acknowledge good behaviour with our 4 year old grandson, so I quickly took a picture of 'Grandpa' giving thumbs up and sent it straight back ( iPads do come in handy). This went down really well with our GD and we have repeated this a number of times with our son just sending an email about an empty plate now. Our GD will dance around for some time very excited at getting a thumbs up.

I hope we will be able to establish other little things like this in future. But as with other contributors reading stories and singing songs is great with little ones. I also send them a postcard of where ever we go even if it is just a day trip.

jabbynana I was so sorry to hear that your move hasn't been all that you'd hoped for. I wondered if one year is still quite a short time to make such a major re-adjustment and whether perhaps things will get easier as time goes by. Could it be that your daughter was keen that you each retain your own space and independence? Or, could it be that your daughter is very busy and that, when you were just visiting, a special effort was made to spend time with you?

On the plus side, it's good that you have so much close contact with your grandchildren. Skyping/e-mailing is good for keeping in touch but it isn't quite the same as having someone physically close to you - they will benefit from this relationship as much as you do.

EastEnd I really like the 'thumbs up' for empty plates tradition you're beginning to build. You're spot on about finding the little things that long distance grandchildren can latch on to, which provides that all important link.
We have Monkey, a naughty hand-puppet. He's always on skype, travels in planes to see them, very cheeky when with them, and then flies back to his 'own' country. They love him!
I send post-cards as well.

My daughter and son-in-law emigrated to New Zealand (Wellington) nearly 7 years ago and our grandson was born two years later - he will be 5 in February. There is a lot of wisdom in so much that has been written since Frances posted her first message. The things that are most important in my experience are:

1) Keep in touch by every possible means, camera Skype, text Skype, email, Facebook, cards and notes, small presents, anything (but keep it as fun as possible); and don't worry if the return is less - they are much busier than we are!

2) If you can manage visits, that is great. We have been very lucky in being retired and able to downsize to afford trips - we have also found that staying in a nearby apartment is a better solution than staying with them - easier for everyone.

3) Don't be afraid to acknowledge that you miss each other - never mind us, our little grandson is very very sad when we leave and it's important to talk about this with them and not to brush it under the carpet.

4) Homesickness on their part is normal. It does not mean they should come back! - and the quality of life they went there to find is usually much better than they could get if they came back here.

It has given us a whole new dimension to our lives - and actually, migration is a normal human activity (that's how our ancestors got to Britain!) - we are so lucky in this day and age to have the technology to communicate and visit relatively easily.

Good luck to all long-distance grans!

golfina A wise post. Thanks for the good luck!

Just had our first proper facetime with the boys. They sang happy birthday to Grandad. It was so good to see them and they looked happy so that made our day! God Bless modern technology!

rockgran . Glad it made your day!

ffinnochio what a lovely idea about the puppet! If you don't mind I will copy it for my DGS :-) and yes sending postcards is good too.

Thanks, ffinnochio.

Good wishes for the Festivities to all Long Distance Grans. Keep jolly and chins up - you won't be forgotten by your long distance families.

And to you, ffinnochio! I've just been looking at some Facebook posts and photos about my beloved grandsons. Thank goodness for modern technology.

Good wishes from me too. It is sooo hard when everyone else seems to be with their grandchildren, isn't it? (I know they aren't really)
Rain, wind and endless mud doesn't help...
and

This is the time of year I miss my children and grandchildren most.
One family live and work in Kuwait (though I do get to see them in the holidays sometimes).
The next are in India, with 4 beautiful nearly-adopted children, where I've visited a few times, but it's a schlepp and expensive.
Oldest girl I see often, she has a partner (fingers crossed) but no children , and the other girl has a teenage daughter who we see now and again, relationship problems with DH.
So it's a mixture, as with most families.
Back in the days when one set of grandparents lived up the road and the others down the road we didn't have these problems.

Feeling very sad today. Had a lovely video sent of our DGS playing Jingle Bells and We Wish you a Merry Christmas on the piano. He has just started playing and it was so lovely to see how he is getting on. They are in Australia and we will miss them so much. Looking forward to face timing later so we can see him open his presents but I so wish they were here.

Happy Christmas everyone ��

I've just had a surprise phonecall from my son to check that we are ready for a facetime tomorrow. Can't wait to see our little grandsons. I'm missing them but I can cope if I know they are happy. Best wishes to all who are missing their families tonight.

Just had a lovely facetime with our family overseas. Such a mixture of happy and sad. It was over in a flash but has made our Christmas Day. Love to all long distance grandparents out there.