Limericks 18, Rides again

Linda once went on a blind date
She thought she had met her true mate
Turned out he was eighty

Linda once went on a blind date
She thought she had met her true mate
Turned out he was eighty
And a bit weighty

Linda once went on a blind date
She thought she had met her true mate
Turned out he was eighty
And a bit weighty
Called himself Santa, it was fate!

But where he was living was cold

But where he was living was cold
And even the reindeer were old

But where he was living was cold
And even the reindeer were old
He does work part time

But where he was living was cold
And even the reindeer were old
He does work part time
A bit into crime

But where he was living was cold
And even the reindeer were old
He does work part time
A bit into crime
He only goes out when he is told

He will take a sneaky hot toddie

He will take a sneaky hot toddie
And raise a glass to Bill Oddie

He will take a sneaky hot toddie
And raise a glass to Bill Oddie
And hope he feels well

He will take a sneaky hot toddie
And raise a glass to Bill Oddie
And hope he feels well
You can never tell

He will take a sneaky hot toddie
And raise a glass to Bill Oddie
And hope he feels well
You can never tell
Let’s hope his sleigh is not shoddy

The shoddy sleigh tumbles earth bound

The shoddy sleigh tumbles earth bound
It makes a horrendous loud sound

The shoddy sleigh tumbles earth bound
It makes a horrendous loud sound
Toys are all broken

The shoddy sleigh tumbles earth bound
It makes a horrendous loud sound
Toys are all broken
No, I’m not jokin’

The shoddy sleigh tumbles earth bound
It makes a horrendous loud sound
Toys are all broken
No , I'm not jokin'
Oh Santa won't be coming round

Santa had one eggnog too many

Santa had one eggnog too many,
So forget gifts, we won't get any,

Santa had one eggnog too many,
So forget gifts, we won't get any,
Asleep in a ditch

Santa had one eggnog too many,
So forget gifts, we won't get any,
Asleep in a ditch
Screaming at high pitch

Santa had one eggnog too many,
So forget gifts, we won't get any,
Asleep in a ditch
Screaming at high pitch
This nightmare is not worth a penny!

I awoke with a start Christmas morn

I awoke with a start Christmas morn
It was early, just after dawn

I awoke with a start Christmas morn
It was early, just after dawn
Socks were still empty

I awoke with a start Christmas morn
It was early, just after dawn
Socks were still empty
Kids hoped for plenty

I awoke with a start Christmas morn
It was early, just after dawn
Socks were still empty
Kids hoped for plenty
Hope Santa arrives later on!

So then I just went back to sleep

So then I just went back to sleep
But I heard the kids starting to creep

So then I just went back to sleep
But I heard the kids starting to creep
All pressies were torn