July 21 Limericks

I'm thinking of starting to paint
And before you fall in a faint
I do mean the walls
I don't have the balls
To do a self-portrait that's quaint.

Please hold my stepladder for me

Please hold my stepladder for me
A crash to the floor - golly gee!

Please hold my stepladder for me
A crash to the floor - golly gee!
There's paint in my hair,

Please hold my stepladder for me
A crash to the floor - golly gee!
There's paint in my hair,
It’s gone everywhere

Please hold my stepladder for me
A crash to the floor - golly gee!
There's paint in my hair,
It’s gone everywhere
I think it is time for some tea.

OK, now it is time to start mopping

OK it’s time to start mopping
And the floor will end up sopping

OK it’s time to start mopping
And the floor will end up sopping
The roon's looking good

room*

OK it’s time to start mopping
And the floor will end up sopping
The room's looking good
With water-soaked wood

Ok it's time to start mopping
And the floor will end up sopping
The room's looking good
With water-soaked wood
Damp rising up there's no stopping.

There was a young plumber so keen

There was a young plumber so keen
You can always tell where he’s been

There was a young plumber so keen
You can always tell where he’s been
Connected the loo

There was a young plumber so keen
You can always tell where he’s been
Connected the loo
He smelled like a zoo

There was a young plumber so keen
You can always tell where he’s been
Connected the loo
He smelled like a zoo
We now have a top class latrine

The monkeys are from our new Zoo

The monkeys are from our new Zoo
They swing from the trees, yes they do

The monkeys are from our new Zoo
They swing from the trees, yes they do
Some have bright red bums

The monkeys are from our new Zoo
They swing from the trees, yes they do
Some have bright red bums
Keep scratching their tums

The monkeys are from our new Zoo
They swing from the trees, yes they do
Some have bright red bums
Keep scratching their tums
And some of their other bits too

There's Dancing on Ice back tonight

There's Dancing on Ice back tonight
For most that will be a delight

There's Dancing on Ice back tonight
For most that will be a delight
Fleeting elegance

There's Dancing on Ice back tonight
For most that will be a delight
Fleeting elegance
For me? Not a chance!

There's Dancing in Ice back tonight
For most that will be a delight
Fleeting elegance
For me? Not a chance
A clumsy elephant - too right.

For gritty fare, Happy Valley

For gritty fare, Happy Valley
It’s plot doesn’t dilly dally

For gritty fare, Happy Valley
It’s plot doesn’t dilly dally
I’ve not seen it yet

For gritty fare, Happy Valley
Its plot doesn’t dilly dally
I’ve not seen it yet
But I will, you bet