Limericks with very strict rules (4) - 88558

In future I’ll take much more care
I certainly won’t do a ‘dare’
The pavement you see
Is too near my knee

In future I`ll take much more care
I certainly won`t do a `dare`
The pavement you see
Is too near my knee
My hubby said "You`re a daft mare"!

We then didn`t speak for a week

We then didn`t speak for a week
I'd had quite enough of his cheek

And then didn’t sleep for a week
I’d had quite enough of his cheek
Some sympathy? No

And then didn’t sleep for a week
I’d had quite enough of his cheek
Some sympathy? No
I showed him the door

And then didn't sleep for a week
I'd had quite enough of his cheek
Some sympathy? No
I showed him the door
And told him our marriage looked bleak

He bought me a long stemmed red rose

He bought me a long stemmed red rose
It's first time he's bought one of those

He bought me a long stemmed red rose
It’s first time he’s bought one of those
I said, ‘sling your hook’,

He bought me a long stemmed red rose
It’s first time he’s bought one of those
I said, ‘sling your hook’,
That’s all that it took

He bought me a long stemmed red rose
It's first time he's bought me one of those
I said, 'sling your hook,'
That's all that it took
No need to punch him on the nose.

I never seem to have much luck

I never seem to have much luck
In the doldrums I seem to be stuck

I never seem to have much luck
In the doldrums it seems I’m stuck
My plans go awry

I never seem to have much luck
In the doldrums it seems I’m stuck
My plans go awry,
So hard, do I try

I never seem to have much luck
In the doldrums it seems I'm stuck
My plans go awry,
So hard, do I try
It's a trend I seldom can buck

My blessings I need to review

My blessings I need to review
I’m certain I have quite a few

My blessings I need to review
I’m certain I have quite a few
My health for a start

My blessings I need to review
I’m certain I have quite a few
My health for a start
A strong beating heart

My blessings I need to review
I'm certain I have quite a few
My health for a start
A strong beating heart
And I can still boogie with Stew.

There was an old woman in Notts

There was an old woman in Notts
Whose backside was covered in spots

There was an old woman in Notts
Who, one morning, felt out of sorts

There was an old woman in Notts
Who one morning felt out of sorts
She ranted and raged

There was an old woman in Notts
Who,one morning,felt out of sorts
She ranted and raged
She snarled and she raved

There was an old woman in Notts
Who,one morning,felt out of sorts
She ranted and raged
She snarled and she raved
Then put on her robe for the courts.

A fellow who lived near the river

A fellow who lived near the river
Kept knitting needles in a quiver

A fellow who lived by the river
Kept knitting needles in a quiver
He`d knit one, then purl,