Limericks with very strict rules (4) - 88558

There was a wee farmer from Fife
Who advertised for a rich wife
Pretty and canny
Strong like his Grannie

There was a wee farmer from Fife
Who advertised for a rich wife
Pretty and canny
Strong like his granny
To help with an easier life.

He placed his ad in the 'Lonely Hearts'

He placed his ad in the 'Lonely Hearts'
Said she had to have all of her parts

Hope you don’t mind the tweaks, 88558 syllables

Placed his ad in the 'Lonely Hearts'
Said she had to have all her parts
I thought “What a cheek!”

Placed his ad in the 'Lonely Hearts'
Said she had to have all her parts
I thought “What a cheek!”
“And how’s his physique?!”

Placed his ad in the 'Lonely Hearts'
Said she had to have all her parts
I thought “What a cheek!”
“And how’s his physique?!”
"I've heard he does terrible farts".

A life in the country appeals

A life in the country appeals
Fresh air and some al fresco meals

A life in the country appeals
Fresh air and some al fresco meals
I think I should move

A life in the country appeals
Fresh air and some al fresco meals
I think I should move
My health should improve

A life in the country appeals
Fresh air and some al fresco meals
I think I should move
My health should improve
I'll check out some house agent deals.

I'd like some land to keep donkeys

I'd like some land to keep donkeys
Some have legs that are all wonkeys

I'd like some land to keep donkeys
And maybe some camels and monkeys

I'd like some land to keep donkeys
Some have legs that are all wonkeys
They’ve been worked so hard

I'd like some land to keep donkeys
Some have legs that are all wonkeys
They’ve been worked so hard
I've paid with my card

I’d like some land to keep donkeys
Some have legs that are all wonkeys
They’ve been worked so hard
I’ve paid with my card
Though at first, I tapped the wrong keys.

But now that the payment’s gone through

But now that the payment’s gone througH
What I’ve bought, I haven’t a clue!

But now that the payment’s gone througH
What I’ve bought, I haven’t a clue!
A refund I’ll seek

But now that the payment’s gone througH
What I’ve bought, I haven’t a clue!
A refund I’ll seek
By this time next week

But now that the payment’s gone througH
What I’ve bought, I haven’t a clue!
A refund I’ll seek
By this time next week
I'll have the cash back, it's so true.

I see so much fun stuff online

I see so much fun stuff online
Once seen, I must make it mine!

I see so much fun stuff on line
Once seen, I must make it mine
But then someone ‘woke’

I see so much fun stuff on line
Once seen, I must make it all mine
But then someone ‘woke’
Could not see the joke

I see so much fun stuff on line
Once seen, I must make it all mine
But then someone ‘woke’
Could not see the joke,
And said I must now pay a fine!

A parakeet I now have bought

A parakeet I now have bought
The gift of the gab it has caught

A parakeet I now have bought
The gift of the gab it has caught
It simply won't stop,