Limericks 17

A condescending judge from Ayr
Ordered the lads “go back to your lair”
They cried "We're not crooks!"
“We read loads of books”

A condescending judge from Ayr
Ordered the lads "go back to your lair"
They cried "We`re not crooks!"
"We read lots of books"
About situations so rare

They were bound over to keep the peace

They were bound over to keep the peace
So their hopes of more parties must cease

A condescending judge from Ayr
Ordered the lads “go back to your lair”
They cried "We're not crooks!"
It's not how it looks

Sorry ladies, didn't refresh

They were bound over to keep the peace
So their hopes of more parties must cease
So home they returned

They were bound over to keep the peace
So their hopes of more parties must cease
So home they returned
A lesson was learned

They were bound over to keep the peace
So their hopes of more parties must cease
So home they returned
A lesson was learned
They went quietly back to Dumfries.

They thought they would try to learn mime

They thought they would try to learn mime
That would somehow help with their crime

They thought they would try to learn mime
That would somehow help with their crime
Dumb messages they’ll send

They thought they would try to learn mime
That would somehow help with their crime
Dumb messages they’ll send
No ears would they bend

They thought they would try to learn mime
That would somehow help with their crime
Dumb messages they’ll send
No ears would they bend
You could hardly call it sublime

Greasy Graham from Grantchester

Greasy Graham from Grantchester
Re-located to Manchester

Greasy Graham from Grantchester
Re-located to Manchester
But the constant rain

Greasy Graham from Grantchester
Re-located to Manchester
But the constant rain
Made him move again

Greasy Graham from Grantchester
Re-located to Manchester
But the constant rain
Made him move again
It seems he’s just a protester

No view this morning, it’s foggy

No view this morning, it’s foggy
Garden is squelchy and boggy

No view this morning, it’s foggy
Garden is squelchy and boggy
Must get my wellies

No view this morning, it's foggy
Garden is squelchy and boggy
Must get my wellies
Then visit my rellies

No view this morning, it's foggy
Garden is squelchy and boggy
Must get my wellies
Then visit my rellies
Taking my cute little doggy.

My doggy is called Perfect Pete

My doggy is called Perfect Pete
And his tricks are really quite neat

My doggy is called Perfect Pete
And his tricks are really quite neat
Sits at the table

My doggy is called Perfect Pete
And his tricks are really quite neat
Sits at the table
Near Auntie Mabel

My doggy is called Perfect Pete
And his tricks are really quite neat
Sits at the table
Near Auntie Mabel
Who quietly slips him a treat.

She just can’t resist those big eyes

She just can’t resist those big eyes
And she knows how he loves his fries

She just can’t resist those big eyes
And she knows how he loves his fries
A soft little whine