VERSATILE VERSE 3

He doesn’t like quizzes but he does like to read
And gardening for him is a pleasure indeed.

Perhaps we should plant up some annual borders.

Perhaps we should plant up some annual borders.
I'm just awaiting my other half's orders.

He likes petunias but I prefer hollyhocks

He likes petunias but I prefer hollyhocks
and we'll plant a few herbs between the bordering rocks

With lettuces, tomatoes and our one apple tree

With lettuces, tomatoes and our one apple tree
We'll never be short of something for tea.

Perhaps you could make your own clotted cream

Perhaps you could make your own clotted cream
I tried it, and mmm, the results were a dream

I ate it with raspberries, strawberries, scones

I ate it with raspberries, strawberries, scones
my friend bakes her own, they're the very best ones

As for me, for baking I just don't have the skill

As for me, for baking I just don't have the skill
My scones are like rocks, throw them, they kill !

My husband hides in the shed, on baking day

My husband hides in the shed, on baking day
So "Order a pizza", I angrily say

"I'm off home to Mother" he says with a grin

'I'm off home to Mother' he says with a grin
Good luck with that, she eats from a tin

So he's off to indulge at the chippy instead

So he's off to indulge at the chippy instead
He also orders his favourite, garlic bread

I said “you’re defo not sharing the marital bed”

I said you’re defo not sharing the marital bed
So go and chew parsley and sleep in the shed.

But then I relented, for I love him still

But then I relented, for I love him still
From the day we met at the Sainsbury’s till

He followed me home, so I knew he was keen

He followed me home, so I knew he was keen
He promised to be faithful and never be mean

And he's been true to his word as well as generous and kind

And he's been true to his word as well as generous and kind
My neighbour fancied him, I said “do you mind?”

I am the envy of all the ‘ladies who lunch’

I am the envy of all the 'ladies who lunch'
If I bring him with me they'll go out for brunch

but he isn't flirtatious, he's very shy

But he isn’t flirtatious, he’s very shy
He calls them all dear, he forgets names, that’s why.

They think he’s being kind. Do you think I should tell?

They think he’s being kind. Do you think I should tell?
He'd probably tell me to go to hell.

For one thing is true, he's not what he seems

For one thing is true, he's not what he seems
when he meets others he positively beams

But when trapped in the house he's a grumpy old man

But when trapped in the house he's a grumpy old man
That’s why I’d rather spend time in my rusty old van

My friend Patsy is all airs and graces

My friend Patsy is all airs and graces
Wherever she is, she makes suitable faces.

At work? Looks official. Grand meetings? Looks posh.

At work? Looks official. Grand meetings? Looks posh.
Flirts with the fellows, but just those with dosh

In reality, though, I think she’s quite shy

In reality, though, I think she’s quite shy
She’s had a few offers from one special guy

She turns him down, she’s not quite sure

She turns him down, she’s not quite sure
Despite her obvious allure.

Then he brings a box and goes down on one knee.

Then he brings a box and goes down on one knee.
He really is, at heart, a sweetie

She’s got all these men, she really should share

She's got all these men, she really should share
Make a choice, be loves young dream, not a nightmare

then off on a honeymoon far away in the sun