Versatile Verse 3

I may try speed dating, give that a whirl
But they'll soon be off, I'm not a good looking girl.

I look my best with bag over my head.

I look my best with bag over my head
As no one will see me, I may as well be dead

So bring back Punk Rock so I can go out in disguise

So bring back Punk Rock so I can go out in disguise
What a great idea, I'll dress up my face, head, eyes

No-one will know that Nan is under here

No-one will know that Nan is under here
Rotten will be proud of my homemade gear

We've got to escape from reality, sometimes

We’ve got to escape from reality sometimes
Letting creative juices flow while we join in these rhymes

I wish I could be a writer like J K Rowling

I wish I could be a writer like J K Rowling
Or get a few 'strikes' at ten-pin bowling

My ambitions are really quite mundane

My ambitions are really quite mundane
If you don’t count the time I wing-walked on a plane

I swear I didn’t stop shaking for a day

I swear I didn't stop shaking for a day
I wouldn't do it again for any amount of pay

Now I prefer the inside of a plane going somewhere exotic

Now I prefer the inside of a plane going somewhere exotic
I drag my large suitcase down from the attic

I once went to see see elephants in Sri Lanka

I once went to see elephants in Sri Lanka
It beats slumming it on the Costa Blanca

My next trip will be to see the Alhambra

I once went to see elephants in Sri Lanka
The mahout and I, we shared a bunker

At midnight, we heard this trumpeting sound

At midnight we heard this trumpeting sound
The elephants are coming, they’re gathering ground.

I grabbed my camera and put on my boots

I grabbed my camera and put on my boots
Then tripped over a pair of bandicoots

By then, the elephants had stomped away

By then, the elephants had stomped away
Maybe I'll see them another day

I'd love to see the Taj Mahal

I’d love to see the Taj Mahal
Then have a curry and some dhal

Accompanied by a peshwari naan

Accompanied by a peshwari naan
And a cobra beer swigged out of a can

A pistachio Kulfi To finish the meal

A pistachio Kulfi To finish the meal
Then dance a lively Scottish reel.

Tomorrow we'll drive to John O'Groats

Tomorrow we'll drive to John OGroats
and watch the fishermen on their boats
Let's hope the weather 's fine and fair

Let's hope the weather 's fine and fair
That reminds me, must wash my hair

Lockdown has turned me to a slob

Lockdown has turned me into a slob,
My hair has turned into an unruly “bob”

Round my middle I’ve gained an unsightly spare tyre

Round my middle I’ve gained an unsightly spare tyre
That's a warning I know, it's pretty dire

But yet I keep checking the fridge every hour

But yet I keep checking the fridge every hour
I'll do some baking, where's the flour?

We need some treats as the autumn wind blows

We need some treats as the autumn wind blows
I have a sweet tooth as everyone knows

I’ve looked up James Martin’s recipe for sticky Parkin

I’ve looked up James Martin’s recipe for sticky Parkin
Now I’m beginning to feel like Ma Larkin!

If Darling Buds of May was to be recast....

If Darling Buds of May was to be recast ....
My agent would arrange an audition - so fast

I see myself as Mariette, Pop’s eldest daughter