Versatile Verse 3

But this time determined the weight I shall lose
No ice cream, no chocolate cake and definitely no booze

I’ll buy one of those catsuits in siren red

I’ll buy one of those catsuits in siren red
When it's cold I can wear it in bed,

But mostly I'll wear it when I go bopping

But mostly I'll wear it when I go bopping
So people will know I've been Christmas shopping

To go with the suit, a nightcap in red

To go with the suit, a nightcap in red
I'll even go out in it perched on my head

I've been locked in so long I don't care about style

I've been locked in so long I don't care about style
I went out today with hair in a pile

In pyjamas and slippers, and makeup free face

In pyjamas and slippers, and makeup free face
I didn't care, as I went from place to place.

Some of the comments were interesting though

Some of the comments were interesting though
One thought I looked like a dirty old crow

My reply to her was certainly not charming

Some of the comments were interesting though
But my slippers were slippery - made me walk very slow

Perhaps I need a skate board

My reply to her was certainly not charming
When I get annoyed I can be quite alarming

Maybe it's time for a wardrobe update

Maybe it’s time for a wardrobe update
The shops are reopening, I’ll spend money and celebrate.

All my cardigans and jumpers shall be classy cashmere

All my cardigans and jumpers shall be classy cashmere
So any stray moth should regard me with fear

I will be ruthless if they makes holes in my woollies

I will be ruthless if they make holes in my woollies
They'd better watch out if they go near my pullies

I am buying the bags, I shall put them away

I am buying the bags, I shall put them away
Ready to use on another day.

I've got too many now but they are handy

I’ve got too many now but they are handy
When I go over the top with my 5* brandy

Too much makes me rather bilious

Too much makes me rather bilious
Although when sober I’ve been told I can be supercilious

I am related by marriage to the posh Gyles Brandreth

I am related by marriage to the posh Gyles Brandreth
He has a nice smile and flashes his teeth

His writing in 'The Oldie' is usually good

His writing in 'The Oldie' is usually good
His wit always puts me in a good mood

My Ex was so boring, he couldnt take a joke

My Ex was so boring, he couldn't take a joke
Used to make me want to give his eye a poke

But age has brought wisdom and a gentler approach

But age has brought wisdom and a gentler approach
Instead of Caribbean cruises I prefer the Highlands by coach.

I travelled beside an interesting gent and we’re now friends

I travelled beside an interesting gent and we’re now friends
We're soon off to China in his Mercedes Benz

Then climbing Everest with no oxygen mask

Then climbing Everest with no oxygen mask
For fortification we’ll sip whisky from a flask

I’ve ordered crampons from Amazon for the sole of my boots

I've ordered crampons from Amazon for the sole of my boots
He says, while there, we will eat whatever he shoots

How can I tell him I've become vegetarian?

How can I tell him I’ve become vegetarian
And he needs to know I’m a Sagittarian

My birthday supper can’t include steak fillet or rump

My birthday supper can't include steak fillet or rump
Silly really, but it means my stomach gets the hump

A lovely Dover Sole, perhaps, or maybe just some Plaice