Limericks 15

There was a young lady of taste
So determined to remain chaste
A padlock she bought
And after some thought
Decided where it should be placed

So to make her boudoir secure

So to make her boudoir secure
She fixed it firmly to the door

So to make her boudoir secure
She fixed it firmly to the door
NO ENTRY a sign read

So to make her boudoir secure
She fixed it firmly to the door
NO ENTRY a sign read
Yet windows, instead

So to make her boudoir secure
She fixed it firmly to the door
NO ENTRY a sign read
Yet windows, instead
Give easy access to her floor

A grumpy grandad from Grantham

A grumpy grandad from Grantham
His family, he could not abide them

A grumpy grandad from Grantham
His family, he could not abide them
So he made a new will

A grumpy grandad from Grantham
His family, he could not abide them
So he made a new will
Took his last happy pill

A grumpy grandad from Grantham
His family, he could not abide them
So he made a new will
Took his last happy pill
And lived by his own rule of thumb

A slow solicitor from Slough

A slow solicitor from Slough
Paid his bills, I don't know how

A slow solicitor from Slough
Paid his bills, I don't know how
He used credit cards

A slow solicitor from Slough
Paid his bills, I don't know how
He used credit cards
And then, afterwards,

A slow solicitor from Slough
Paid his bills, I don't know how
He used credit cards
And then, afterwards,
To have no more debt was his vow.

Two men went drinking in Drymen, (Scottish town!!)

Two men went drinking in Drymen,
One called Barry, the other, Norman

Two men went drinking in Drymen,
One called Barry, the other, Norman
They downed double gins

Two men went drinking in Drymen,
One called Barry, the other, Norman
They downed double gins
Exchanged news of sins

Two men went drinking in Drymen
One called Barry, the other Norman
They downed double gins
Exchanged news of sins
Till asked to leave by the doorman.

Out they wobbled down the High Road

Out they wobbled down the High Road
One tripped over a wrinkled old toad

Out they wobbled down the High Road
One tripped over a wrinkled toad
Fell flat on his face

Out they wobbled down the High Road
One tripped over a wrinkled toad
Fell flat on his face
It was such a disgrace

Out they wobbled down the High Road
One tripped over a wrinkled old toad
Fell flat on his face
It was such a disgrace
The other one cackled and crowed.

So now they are both on the wagon

So now they are both on the wagon
They're drinking tea with the "dragon"

So now they are both on the wagon
They're drinking tea with the "dragon"
Trying not to smirk

So now they are both on the wagon
They're drinking tea with the "dragon"
Trying not to smirk
But it's such hard work

So now they are both on the wagon
They're drinking tea with the "dragon"
Trying not to smirk
But it's such hard work
When sat so near to a flagon

A passionate preacher from a Perth