Limericks 15

Heads I still gamble, tails I come clean
I think it’s tails, I feel quite mean
Oh, what shall I do?
'To thine own self be true'
To lie would seem to demean.

Oh what a dilemma I'm in

Oh what a dilemma I'm in
By 'eck, you see I'm all of a spin

Oh what a dilemma I'm in
By 'eck, you see I'm all of a spin
No harm done

Oh what a dilemma I'm in
By 'eck, you see I'm all of a spin
No harm done
You've not hurt anyone

Oh what a dilemma I'm in
By 'eck, you see I'm all of a spin
No harm done
You've not hurt anyone
Calm down with a tonic and gin!

My very best friend named Vanessa

My very best friend named Vanessa
Is an extremely snappy dresser

My very best friend named Vanessa
Is an extremely snappy dresse
Wears a hat

My very best friend named Vanessa
Is an extremely snappy dresse
Always wears a hat

My very best friend named Vanessa
Is an extremely snappy dresser
Always wears a hat
Never puts on tat

My very best friend named Vanessa
Is an extremely snappy dresser
Always wears a hat
Never puts on tat
Believes in never more , always lesser

I've tried to follow her example

I've tried to follow her example
But with a bust so ample

I've tried to follow her example
But with a bust that's so ample
And wide hips to match

I've tried to follow her example
But with a bust that's so ample
And wide hips to match
I’m still a good catch

I've tried to follow her example
But with a bust that's so ample
And wide hips to match
I'm still a good catch
With so many qualities you could sample.

Vanessa considers herself a real fashion plate

Vanessa considers herself a real fashion plate
I wish I was like her as she always looks great

Vanessa considers herself a real fashion plate
I wish I was like her as she always looks great
Though Classic’s her style

Vanessa considers herself a real fashion plate
I wish I was like her as she always looks great
Though Classic’s her style
Just once in a while

Vanessa considers herself a real fashion plate
I wish I was like her as she always looks great
Though Classic's her style
Just once in a while
She'll dress like her hippy twin sister Kate.

Now Kate favours many a floaty kaftan

Now Kate favours many a floaty kaftan
She thinks it will land her a man

Now Kate favours many a floaty kaftan
She thinks it will land her a man
But no luck so far

Now Kate favours many a floaty kaftan
She thinks it will land her a man
But no luck so far
As she leans on the bar

Now Kate favours many a floaty kaftan
She thinks it will land her a man
But no luck so far
As she leans on the bar
And shows off her boobs and fake tan.

The natural look is a winner

The natural look is a winner
I'll try it when I'm a bit thinner

The natural look is a winner
I'll try it when I'm a bit thinner
But just for today