Limericks 14

There was an old bloke in a boat
His pets were a skunk and a goat
The skunk was so smelly
He smeared it with jelly
And buried his nose in his coat

The best things in life are all free

The best things in life are all free
Our families and good company

The best things in life are all free
Our families and good company
I'd still like some cash

The best things in life are all free
Our families and good company
I’d still like some cash
To buy bangers and mash

The best things in life are all free
Our families and good company
I’d still like some cash
To buy bangers and mash
Followed by a nice cup of tea.

I do sometimes wish I was wealthy

I do sometimes wish I was wealthy
But at least I’m grateful I’m healthy

I do sometimes wish I was wealthy
But at least I'm grateful I'm healthy
We all have our dreams

I do sometimes wish I was wealthy
But at least I'm grateful I'm healthy
We all have our dreams
And ambitious schemes

I do sometimes wish I was wealthy,
But at least I'm grateful I'm healthy
We all have our dreams
And ambitious schemes
But the progress of life can be stealthy!

Let's be cheerful. Let's all dance and sing!

Let's be cheerful. Let's all dance and sing!I
How about a lively Highland Fling

Let's be cheerful. Let's all dance and sing!
How about a lovely Highland Fling
Let's not pull a muscle,

Let's be cheerful. Let's all dance and sing!
How about a lovely Highland Fling
Let's not pull a muscle,
We'll dance The Hustle

Let's be cheerful. Let's all dance and sing!
How about a lovely Highland Fling
Let's not pull a muscle
We'll dance The Hustle
It’s time to stop worrying!

My garden is full of delights

My garden is full of delights
With flowers and solar lights

My garden is full of delights
With flowers and solar lights
My rain butts are full

My garden is full of delights
With flowers and solar lights
My rain butts are full
British summers aren't dull

My garden is full of delights
With flowers and solar lights
My rain butts are full
British summers aren't dull
We should all be as high as kites.

There was an old granny from Leeds

There was an old granny from Leeds
Whose hobby was doing good deeds

There was an old granny from Leeds
Whose hobby was doing good deeds
With no thought for herself

There was an old granny from Leeds
Whose hobby was doing good deeds
With no thought for herself
Like a Christmas elf

There was an old granny from Leeds
Whose hobby was doing good deeds
With no thought for herself
Like a Christmas elf
She satisfied everyone’s needs

I’d like to propose a new toast

I'd like to propose a new toast
I'm modest. I don't like to boast,

I'd like to propose a new toast
I'm modest. I don't like to boast,
But I'm a winner

I'd like to propose a new toast
I'm modest. I don't like to boast,
But I'm a winner
And never a sinner

I'd like to propose a new toast
I'm modest. I don't like to boast,
But I'm a winner
And never a sinner
And I’m first past the winning post.

A narcissist from New York