Gossip from around my way...

DH read about a man who invented an air horn for bicycles.

He won the No Bell prize.

That woman who is no better than she should be.. well, she only gives her services to men in Fiestas.

She must be a Ford Escort.

Have a go! Its easy once you start.

These are hilarious , don’t know how you come up with them.

My friend Larry loves wearing women's clothes, and had the cheek to ask if he could borrow one of my jumpers.

I gave him the cold shoulder.

You’re becoming a vegetarian?

I think that’s a big missed steak.

Things went wrong for my relationship after my husband needed to use a wheelchair.

He said I was always pushing him around.

My neighbour woke up with aeroplanes in her hair. She'd left the landing light on.

Storm Ciara has blown the roof off our local cheese factory.....de brie everywhere

I have a weird neighbour who insists that she can read minds, but she can’t. She’s a telepathetic.

The boss told a work colleague to have a good day - so she went home

A large quantity of Viagra pills were stolen from a lock up on the local industrial estate.

Police are looking for hardened criminals.

The toilets were stolen at the local police station last night.

Police say that, as yet, they have nothing to go on.

My husband washed his wallet with his trousers.....he has been arrested for money laundering

My friend once dated a weather forecaster. They had a stormy relationship.

My friend consulted a solicitor about the buttock implants she had that fell out on the bus.

The solicitor agreed that she had been given a bum deal.

There's a rock in our village which measures 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.

?

My neighbour designed an invisible airplane but I can't see it taking off.

The two maths teachers aren't together anymore.

They tried, but things just didn't work out.

To the person who stole my glasses

I have contacts and I will find you

The man next door accidentally handed his wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to him.

I've just found out I have a long lost sister, and we've so much in common, even down to our very short arms.

She said she's being trying to reach out to me for years.