Limericks 12

A certain Gransnetter from Surrey
Fell in love with a coalman called Murray
But all that black dust
Put paid to her lust
'cos it made her eyesight all blurry.

Her very next beau was a tailor

Her very next beau was a tailor
His dressmaking skills did not fail 'er

Her very next beau was a tailor
His dressmaking skills did not fail `er
He sewed a fine seam

Her very next beau was a tailor
His dressmaking skills did not fail `er
He sewed a fine seam
Across her broad beam

Her very next beau was a tailor
His dressmaking skills did not fail `er
He sewed a fine seam
Across her broad beam
But soon she moved on to a sailor.

She fancied a man in a uniform

She fancied a man in a uniform
Soldier or sailor, any port in a storm

She fancied a man in a uniform
Soldier or sailor, any port in a storm
But she's much too fussy

She fancied a man in a uniform
Soldier or sailor, any port in a storm
But she`s much too fussy
For such a brazen hussy

She fancied a man in a uniform
Soldier or sailor, any port in a storm
But she`s much too fussy
For such a brazen hussy
So she lines them up, it's the norm.

And when her choice she has made

And when her choice she has made
She checks to see if they`ve been paid

And when her choice she has made
She checks to see if they`ve been paid
She opens the docket

And when her choice she has made
She checks to see if they`ve been paid
She opens the docket
Puts the cash in her pocket,

And when her choice she has made
She checks to see if they`ve been paid
She opens the docket
Puts the cash in her pocket,
And off she goes to be laid (!sorry!)

She dusts herself and struts her stuff

She dusts herself and struts her stuff
Some artful makeup is enough

She dusts herself and struts her stuff
Some artful makeup is enough
To hide the lines

She dusts herself and struts her stuff
Some artful makeup is enough
To hide the lines
And the ageing signs

She dusts herself and struts her stuff
Some artful makeup is enough
To hide the lines
And the ageing signs
And cleverly create a bluff.

But the aching joints and greying hair

But the aching joints and greying hair
Won’t fool her beau so debonair

But the aching joints and greying hair
Won’t fool her beau so debonair
Her teeth made a clatter

But the aching joints and greying hair
Won’t fool her beau so debonair
Her teeth made a clatter
Not destined to flatter

But the aching joints and greying hair
Won’t fool her beau so debonair
Her teeth made a clatter
Not destined to flatter
And the whiff of 'Deepheat' filled the air.

He made his excuses and off he went

He made his excuses and off he went
So our lady from Surrey took a train to Kent

He made his excuses and off he went
So our lady from Surrey took a train to Kent
She`d heard about butch seamen at Dover,

to keep to a limerick rhythm I’ve changed the last line slightly - hope you don’t mind callgirl.

He made his excuses and off he went
So our lady from Surrey took a train to Kent
To seamen at Dover

He made his excuses and off he went
So our lady from Surrey took a train to Kent
To seamen at Dover
She boarded a Hover