If you were on Come Dine With Me?

I'd do my world famous scottish menu( well world famous in my circle of friends)
We would start with Cock a leekie
go onto beautiful Scotch Lamb with cabbage and leeks and potatoes
them a trio of scottish desserts,Cranachan,clootie dumpling and butterscotch flan finish with scottish cheeses and oatcakes
Entertainment? Can we afford Paolo Nutini?

I would start with Tricolore salad - tomato, avocado and mozzarella with an oil and balsamic dressing and homemade flatbreads

Then we'd have beef bourguignon with crispy saute potatoes and lots of green vegetables.

I'd finish with creme brulee

My entertainment would be the Yes/No game which we played at Christmas. It caused lots of laughter. (Quick fire questions but 'yes' or 'no' cannot be used in reply.) I would delight in pressing the buzzer.

There was a woman on it who did something similar. You get an ingredients allowance so she bought cheapo food (cant remember what, like jelly & icecream sorta thin) and pocketed the ingredients money

Apparently its tedious, loads of time consuming set up shots. The "taxis" are just one taxi and everyone hangs around till everyone had been filmed in it etc.

A friend of a friend won one. I didnt think she was particularly edited she came across how she is in real life

I know what I wouldn’t have - all the things that most people look askance at (offal of any sort, fish with bones, seafood apart from prawns, anything with eyes, anything too spicy, any rare fruit or veg nobody’s heard of). Anything I’d never tried before, or too complicated so that the guests were sitting there griping for an hour while I tried to salvage stuff in the kitchen. As for entertainment, I wouldn’t make them do anything embarrassing.

What I would do will take more thought.

The curry nights tend to go down well all round unless the hosts wrongly assume that their guests like less spice

Curry with LOADS of sides is a winner imo

It's all in the preparation, why do they often leave everything until the last minute.
I could never be on the programme as I am such a picky eater. No pasta, no mushrooms no plates of white food - need I go on.
As for presentation, some contestants slap large amounts of food on the plate without any thought. There is always one woman who has her chest very visibly on display each evening. I quite enjoy watching though especially when there is some friction.

It's all in the preparation, why do they often leave everything until the last minute.

Thats fine if youre up first, but as the week goes on contestants are kept up till well past midnight...then if the director wants 10 takes of you in your local butchers you're not home to start prepping until late afternoon.

I usually prep a lot the day/night before which they can't do

If I had to have some of those people to dinner I would be using the Lucrezia Borgia Cookbook.

Teetime ???

Home made broth. Steak, kidney @ sausage pie with multifarious veg. Chocolate mousse. First and last can be prepared in advance and middle partially. My 'entertainment' would also be some sort of loosening up quiz. Nothing heavy. All pleasant but...... I suspect that's not what the producers would appreciate. Controversy seems to be the aim of the game.

The winners seem to be curry for main and a chocolate desert
Not what I would go for.
I would like a fish/ seafood starter Coquille saint Jacques.
Spicy chicken main and raspberry pavlova for desert
Entertainment well something to get it all stirred up. Like guess the age/ work/ draw to person opposite.

In the TV programme they deliberately mix up people who dislike/hate/are allergic to/want to be controversial etc.
So ANY menu you choose will be doomed to fail for at least one other diner.
If its true about all the camera shots and so on, I would not have the time to make my main course of moussaka (a favourite in my family).
Pudding would be something chocolatey...can't go wrong there.
Starters ..homemade soup...again, the menfolk always love soup.
Entertainment ...I will check out the Argybargy for ideas!

Oh that really made me giggle ...thanks

I'd go for Prawn Cocktail for starter (properly made they are delicious) then Lamb en croute with seasonal vegetables followed by an Apple Tart with cream/ice cream or custard - but I'd probably get someone with allergies to seafood and/or a person who didn't eat meat! Do they tell you if your guests have restrictions on what they eat??

I certainly wouldn’t be trying out something I’d never made before, and I’m sure I’ve seen people having prepared starters and/or puddings in advance. I’d probably go for a home made paté, then lamb of some kind, followed by a meringue or chocolate pudding.
And isn’t it funny how you never see them have coffee after the meal?

If there is such a palaver with the cameramen and I had little time to cook it would be a ready meal from M&S. Otherwise I could take out of the freezer something I had previously cooked. There would be insufficient for 4 guests but there would be somebody who did not fancy my bolognese.

I would not bother with a starter and we would have biscuits and cheese. Entertainment? A conversation I think.

I like dining alone!

This question is a joke of course. Who on earth would want to replicate that dreadful programme? Only saw it once and switched off never watched it again!!!

And also, I’ve noticed lots of them have the same clear plastic mixing bowls ( mine were 99p from Morrison’s), and Le Creuset casseroles ( though maybe a serious cook would have these anyway)

I remember the days when CDWM was more of a cookery programme and focused on themenus, food and kitchen.

Now it seems to be about how whacky/and/or difficult the contestants are. It's obvious the spats between them are deliberately engineered.

I hate what is happening to TV. It has been so dumbed down and filled to the nth degree with programmes featuring Z list egotistical loudmouths. Even the morning chat shows are completely banal.

Thank goodness for catch up. There is a whole swathe of personalities (ahem) and television programmes which annoy us intensely. I refuse to watch such trite rubbish.

Why have viewers become so easily pleased by the abysmal stuff being churned out?

Do they tell you if your guests have restrictions on what they eat??

IMO they deliberately match people with opposing tastes and opinions, but they do tell the hosts about dietary requirements

@day6 you firstly joined in with the spirit of the OP's post and then seem to be swayed by @mabon - this is a light hearted thread as per the OP's menu suggestion.

The title obviously intrigued you @mabon else you would not have opened the thread to make a negative comment, but hey it has probably made you happy!

I have loved reading others menus and the Scots menu by @paddyann sounds lovely for upcoming Burns Night

I would prepare a seasonal soup in my wonderful soup maker (present to myself) with chilli - very warming

Roast Beef with Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, roast onions with steamed carrots, steamed cabbage and boiled potatoes served with horseradish sauce, and gravy.

Dessert would be bannoffee pie.

Coffee and chocolates

I have scored you 9 for your menu Grandmarnia
It would have been a 10 if you swapped beef for chicken.

Antipasto

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Vegetarian Wellington with wilted
spring cabbage and crushed new
potatoes

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Home-made coffee ice cream with
bitter chocolate sauce
or
Boozy rum babas with orange
infused cream and fresh raspberries

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Cheese board, figs, grapes,biscuits

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Hotel Chocolat selection

Au revoir