90 yr old ‘spoiling’ our Bridge group

That is, the ‘not rude’ way

Lathyrus

How often do you meet? Our U3a things are once a month.

Set up a second group for more advanced play, which would include time limits?

We have three bridge groups. A beginners and leisurely, an improvers and an advanced, deadly serious😬

this

If I was the faster player, I'd be thinking, "There but for the grace of God go I!" If someone tries to speed me up, I get slower. The stress of it causes me to get brain fog or lose my train of thought. I don't do it deliberately, nor can I help it. I'd hate to think that I was causing a problem but would still be hurt that people didn't want to play with me. I should imagine, judging by the state of my brain now, I'll be gaga by the time I am 90 so I think it is great that the lady is still out there strutting her stuff!

We have a similar problem with a scrabble group. The lady is not very old but is unbelievably slow and then comes up with a simple word. She is spoiling the game for others to the extent that some members stopped coming and she seems unaware of her shortcomings.
I do not know of a solution.

It is quite a difficult situation and I am sorry but I don’t play Bridge too well but on our other games Scrabble etc we have started using timers because people are taking too long and reducing others time and pleasure .
Good Luck though !

I’m a U3A member and have come across this problem . We had a solution which might help. The gentleman in question, painfully slow but an excellent player, was asked if he would consider leading a group of people who were at the first stages of learning the game, but didn’t feel up to joining good players yet. It worked out beautifully.
His table of newcomers which he called “ my infants” learnt as he talked through all the things each Might be able to do with their hands. Three years later he’s still got his infants table but he regularly turns out good players and we have been considering having to expand into two separate groups and days.

My mother is 97 and played bridge until the club closed for Covid. She has been hosting a poker school twice a week for about 30 years. They are all elderly but she is much older and nowadays she loses money every time but they all enjoy the banter.

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Jb2022 I absolutely love that your 97 year old Mum hosts a poker school! Fantastic!

If you really are a lovely and tolerant group then you will continue to enable this woman to play for as long as she is able.. and do it with good grace

Gosh I’m just impressed that anyone can play Bridge, let alone a 90 year old. It’s so difficult to learn!

Do you have a bridge club nearby? If you do, you could play there sometimes and the U3a session wouldn't be your only play experience. Otherwise perhaps have 3 others to your home occasionally for fun

kirkubbin notes at the table should not be allowed. The lady in question laughed it off to get away with it. Organiser/host needs to say something.
Apart from holding up others, it slows up learning too. Sink or swim is the best way forward ' mistakes reinforce learning

It's a difficult situation. Nobody wants to be unkind, it is really lovely that the elderly lady is still active enough to join in.

However, I was thinking how I would feel if it was me. I wouldn't want to be annoying people for any reason, and looking ahead I think I would prefer somebody explained what the difficulty was so that I could make my own decision whether to give up the group, or make an effort to speed up. That conversation will be a little difficult though.

Thanks again for your suggestions.
I’ll have a word with our organiser and the other players to see if there’s a kind solution. I’ll pass on your ideas.

Fernhillnana

Gosh I’m just impressed that anyone can play Bridge, let alone a 90 year old. It’s so difficult to learn!

No it's not - if I can do it anyone can!

Do be kind. My Late MiL was 'evicted' from her carpets bowls club by being made to feel unwell and it was the start of a rapid decline in her mental health. She so looked forward to going to bowls every week but when she started slowing up at 83, the somewhat younger members made it obvious she wasn't wanted. She died at 85.

I think the answer is to have a group for advanced players with agreed criteria, of you have sufficient numbers

Typo alert : 'Unwelcome' not unwell

I can’t help feeling sorry for this very game 90 year old
I totally agree Seahaye my friends husband was horribly booted out of his walking football my some younger members and it hurt him a lot and put extra weight on his wives shoulders
I think a two tiered group would be the best way forward

I like the idea of a timer - that way everyone is subject to the deadline, not just singling out one person. Fair!

I think it’s fantastic you have two 90 yr olds who are gamers! Out and having fun!
USA Gundy

This happened years ago when my husband played scrabble with family members. Eventually they used an egg timer on him - it did work!!

It is a difficult one. We have similar problems with our U3A play reading group. There are some who lose their place, fall asleep, forget which part they are reading, or read someone else’s- It would make a good comedy actually but for those of us who can still read and concentrate, it is annoying- however, they are enjoying themselves and we might all be like that before too long. So we put up with it and keep going with nudges and reminders😂😂 It’s a tough one- good luck 😉

As a collective you could all gently say “right time is of the essence lets speed up a little with this game please”

It's not difficult. You are either kind or you are not. I hope you do not slow down when you are 90. It is sad to read this post