How should a family manage an estranged relationship?

Oh dear BlessedArt, I simply cannot be bothered to engage with your constant pulling apart of everything I post.

Smileless2012

If it's demanded yes, but there needs to be an agreement between the parents because that cuts both way doesn't it. Demanding that the person who isn't allowed contact accepts the situation would also IMO be toxic.

An awful dilemma for any couple to have to deal with .

“Accepts” what? What does that even mean? No one has the right to control a parent’s relationship with their own child. There is nothing for anyone else to “accept” or “reject” there, unless the estranged spouse is controlling enough to think their spouse needs their approval to have a relationship with their own child. Everyone’s relationship is not going to be the same. Not even between a son/daughter and their set of parents. Unfortunate? Yes. Sad? Absolutely! But thinking someone needs “acceptance” or permission to carry on a relationship with their own child is a toxic, controlling mindset to have.

We don’t own our spouses. We don’t own our adult children. We don’t the connection between them. It is not ours to accept or reject. We don’t have to be happy about it, but our feelings are our own to cope with. The only thing required here is kindness and consideration of the circumstances for all involved.

In my case my son didn't just estrange me but all over side of the family. My daughter didn't care as unknown to me they only spoke when we where all together . They hadn't spoke for 5 years due to my daughter in laws jealousy of my daughter.

My brother and nephew were very hurt . My brother was there for my son when his dad died when he was 16 and needed to speak to a man. He was very close to his cousin as there is only 7 months age gap.
My son sent me and my daughter an email. But just blocked the rest of the family .
My brother wanted to go round and sort him out but told him no. He had made his choice .

This was 6 years ago . But I am no longer the mom he knew like he is no longer the son I knew. I still love him but the kind loving son I had for 32 years. We are now strangers . I gave up hope of ever hearing from him 3 years ago and very happy with my decision.

Since my husband died 22 years I don't live my life with what ifs or if onlies. Past is gone I live for the now and future and am happy with my life .

If it's demanded yes, but there needs to be an agreement between the parents because that cuts both way doesn't it. Demanding that the person who isn't allowed contact accepts the situation would also IMO be toxic.

An awful dilemma for any couple to have to deal with .

Adults should manage their own feelings without needing others to choose sides. Unless objective abuse is involved, I would view the person demanding other members of a family to not speak with another family member as toxic.

Often when there's an estrangement, the entire side of the family is also estranged.

In our case, as far as we are aware our ES remains in intermittent contact with his brother and we think him living in Aus. may well have something to do with it.

ES also had intermittent contact with his paternal GM but completely cut my mother out of his and her only GGC's lives.

As for whether one parent should walk away from the AC whose estranged the other parent, that's a decision that only they can make together but I do wonder if that is the case, how sustainable that can be long term.

Mr. S. and I have kept one another going for the last 13.5 years and neither of us thinks we could have coped without that. One of us remaining in contact was never an option but if it had been, we come as a pair as united we stand and I'm certain that divided we'd have fallen.

Siblings etc often don't have chance to "pick a side" but will also be cut off.
We are currently estranged from OH's sister. Our children understand and support our decision but keep in touch with her and we respect their decision .
A friend is on the verge of being estranged from her daughter. Friend is desperate to do anything to keep the relationship going, but her OH is so hurt and angry about how they have been treated that he wants to break contact. Their's was a rock solid marriage but is now under strain