Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

I left the Wombles Friday for good. But there is one in my sit fit class and one in my move it or lose it class. If they ask me why I have left I will tell them plus what I think about the whole ridiculous thing. Especially as one is the mother of who started the Wombles.

Thank you all for your support and comments. Means a lot to me, this thread isn't just about estrangment by caring about each other in all aspects of our lives. X

Oh poor Mr.S Hope his hand is better this morning and shame he missed his golf. Bikes are so dangerous, when my son goes to work on his motorbike, I am fearful, never read the local news when it says about a crash involving a motorbike. My son goes out on his pushbike too, same thing, I'm happy when he gets home.

Oh Whiff I feel your pain, that was painful to read! How very nasty of that group to do that to you, when what you should be getting is help, understanding and friendship from them all. Don't go back, not nice people, you are better off without them in your life. I am upset for you Whiff.

I hope you are enjoying your holibobs and are putting this horrid situation behind you. I really can't believe people could be so mean! They need to be very ashamed of themselves and their group as a whole.

Afternoon everyone.

I hope you enjoyed your holiday Whiff and were able to put that awful experience behind you. I'm still struggling to believe that anyone could be so unpleasant . They know you for goodness sake but it looks as if you didn't know them at all.

Well I know some of us often wonder what we'd do and how we'd feel if we suddenly came face to face with our EAC; well we know longer have to wonder because it happened today.

I was ahead of Mr. S. when I saw him coming toward me in the supermarket . My heart gave the tiniest flutter as I looked straight ahead and ignored him so I don't know if he acknowledged me.

As he approached his dad, he gave a slight nod of the head which Mr. S. reciprocated.

I felt nothing and Mr. S. felt a little sadness but nothing more.
I don't know if it's a good thing to be so near yet so far from the son you adored and be virtually void of any feeling, but it is what it is and I can't help but be relieved.

Gosh Smiles, what a shock. I'm glad it hasn't upset you. It's so terribly sad that the person who literally owes his life to you is now just another customer in a supermarket. Perhaps it is good that he didn't have the children with him? I think that would have been upsetting

I have to admire your calm Smileless, cant imagine how i would react, has it left you wishing you had spoken to him?

Smileless, I can only sympathise, you like me and others are strangers from our grown up children, they got what they wanted. I am glad it didn't upset you but it must have felt so strange but perhaps it drew a line as well. There would be little point talking to him. 💐

Smiles you are a far better woman than me. I have a vicious temper as well as being stubborn. I still haven't forgiven or forgotten my brother believing the mother of his children over something that happened over 35 years ago. She lied even thought I had 3 witnesses to what I asked. He didn't speak or see us for 2 years. It must have been Mr W that sorted it out I can't remember. My brother hurt our parents deeply by what he did. He still saw them it was just us.

When he came to apologise I took him into another room and slapped his face it left a red mark and let fly all the things I wanted to say.

10 years ago my nephew didn't see me for 6 weeks because he didn't like i told him a truth. When he finally to apologised he had his face slapped as well and read the riot act. Neither my brother nor nephew hurt me again . But I have never forgotten or forgiven them.

If I saw my son he would get a punch to the face never might a slap. I wouldn't be so stoic and walk by like you . That shows how courageous you are a better person than me. Mr W was just like me and he would have dragged our son out side to have a very angry chat and most likely punched him .

When Mr W had cancer before he became terminal our son was 14 he drank a whole bottle of vodka one of his friends stole from his parents. He ended up having his stomach pumped. Worst thing the little shit didn't have a hangover. I grounded him for 3 months and made him promise to never to make me ashamed to be his mother ever again and he had to apologise to his dad . I went mad at him as he made his dieing dad even though no terminal he was dieing bit by bit every day feel worthless. He blamed drinking the vodka on his dad dieing that earned him another slap .

He hurt his dad deeply . And I have nevrf forgiven him or forgotten how he made his dieing dad feel.

Sorry your son made Mr S sad by that head movement. Your son was cruel to do that. But so glad you feel relieved after all these years of wondering what would happen if you saw your son and what you would do. I hope you and Mr S never see him again. It's been over 10 years but can't remember how many years for you since the estrangement and if I remember correctly he did it the cowards way like my son. But by letter not email. You must correct me if I got that wrong.

My son accused me of being manipulative and vindictive which I am neither but I am vengeful.

If any of the Wombles see me and asked why I left they will know exactly why. I have no tolerance left for bad and back stabbing behaviour .

Smiles I hope you and Mr S go forward knowing you got through seeing your son and can put a line under it permanently.
. But do tell your younger son as he will be very proud for you both.

Big 🫂 to you both.

Smileless2012 I do not know what to say? I wonder what your son thought or thinking today about the encounter?

Morning everyone.

You summed up the situation brilliantly eddie It's so terribly sad that the person who literally owes his life to you is now just another customer in the supermarket.

I read your post out to Mr. S. who simply said wow; that's a perfect summary of where we are.

TBH it wouldn't have made any difference to me if our GS's had been with him. Like their father they're strangers to us, more so because we've never known them.

I have a temper too Whiff . It has tempered over the years but I didn't even feel anger which I was sure I would if I ever came face to face with him again, but apart from a momentary and slight heart flutter, I felt nothing at all.

I always thought I'd have plenty to say and judging by the expression on his face as he came toward me, I think he thought so too but he's not worth my time, my anger or my pain.

He got to the check out just before us and we could have queued behind him but I went to a another one. Mr. S. said he'd never seen anyone load and pack their shopping so quickly, as if he couldn't get out fast enough.

Perhaps the encounter was harder for him than it was for us.

It's been almost 13.5 years so maybe he thought I'd have plenty to say which I can't blame him for, because I always thought I would too. We wont mention it to DS whose the eldest because I said years ago that I would no longer get into discussions about his brother, unless he was worried and/or upset and needed to talk.

Bless him, the number of times his name's come up in conversation since then will be in single figures.

I'm pleased and TBH proud of myself for not speaking to him Bridey. I've always regretted responding to the email he sent two days after my mum died; I should have left it.

It was so wrong of him after years of estrangement when my grief for mum was so raw to get in touch. I was furious and I often think that that should have been my response; at least it would have been an honest one.

Doing something like that could give an EP false hope, that that might be the beginning of seeking reconciliation and when it doesn't happen, they could be left with worrying that their response was somehow lacking and that's why there was no further contact.

Thank goodness I didn't go down that road and neither did
Mr. S. when he did the exact same thing when his mum died.

It did draw a line Allsorts and one that I'm truly thankful for.
Our move here did bring us much closer geographically and the market town where we saw him, is where we have our flat and get our weekly shopping because we check the post.

So after 18 months of living here it was bound to happen eventually, there was always an inevitability about it and if it
happens again, it wont be the shock it was yesterday.

That's something we'll never know love0c. I did wonder if he'd already spotted us and was doing his best to avoid what happened but if that were the case, why did he walk down the aisle we were walking up? .

What did surprise me was the difference of my reaction between yesterday and when my cousin told me my brother had asked her to pass on his contact details, which I have anyway, just before Christmas.

I had a panic attack, felt sick and burst into tears all in the space of 5 minutes before knowing I would never want to contact him again and then feeling calm and I suppose empowered.

Thank goodness that didn't happen yesterday as I just felt empowered when I refused to acknowledge his presence. For the first time in 13.5 years I actually felt that I was in control, because I was .

Oh Smiles, so it happened! We all wonder what we would do, my DD & I have spoken about that situation, but until you're there, you really cannot say. Fancy your estS nodding to his dad, he must have seen you first.

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Smiles glad you feel empowered and in control after 13.5 years . Like I said you are a better person than me. The chance of ever seeing my son again is really zero. I live in the north he lives in the south east. So I would never need to go anywhere near where they live . All the things I need are in my area.

Well had a good holiday apart from a slight hiccup. Tuesday woke with an UTI but Morecambe urgent treatment centre where brilliant. No urgent treatment centres in Lancaster. The nurse practitioner I saw was lovely and gave me some advice. She was only in her late 20-early 30's but had a hysterectomy said she didn't want kids anyway. But because of low oestrogen she had frequent UTIs and thinks that why I have had 3 this year so far. She gave me a through exam and 3 days worth of antibiotics and as usual my sample was clear it always is . On her advice booked an appointment to see my GP 1st June . Because I knew 3 days worth of antibiotics wouldn't clear up the infection . I phoned my surgery Thursday and spoke to the doctor and had a weeks worth of antibiotics delivery yesterday a couple of hours after I got home.

But you know me won't let anything stop me . Monday I tackled my nemesis picture above. The dreaded cobbles my stick slipped few times it was worse coming down. Didn't get to look around the museum as it was guided tours only and I can't stand still while someone whittles on hurts to much . Better when I keep moving .

When to Kendal as planned had a lovely time if anyone goes there you must go to the Joshua tree cafe . Food is delicious had baked gnocchi in tomato sauce with loads of melted cheese on top. And chocolate pudding and custard. I was so full only had ice cream for dinner because I need to eat to take the antibiotic otherwise I wouldn't have needed anything else.

There was a bus stop by the hotel which went to Lancaster bus station. Weather was awful during my stay but had give up trying to get to the maritime museum as it was rainy to heavy. Good job as it was closed.
Went to Morecambe on Thursday only stated 90 mins . Disappointed with the Eric Morecambe statue it was life like but not very big. Saw bus to Lancaster bus station so could it. Had mystery bus tour. Then went to my favourite place for lunch in Lancaster.

I liked Lancaster and the people where friendly and helpful. Hard on the old knees. But glad I went.

Sea goes out very far a Morecambe and they where filming The Bay but didn't go and see where.
Enough of my rambles . Take care all.

Morning everyone, I hope you're all managing to stay safe in this lovely weather but I know that the heat doesn't suit everyone.

It's a piece of paradise here and we've been enjoying taking it easy on our decking and watching the golfers who brave the heat while we relax under large parasols.

Two of our neighbours are coming over for a mid afternoon BBQ before Mr. S. goes bowling this evening and will be bringing their little Maltese, who Poppy has been a lot more tolerant of since we lost little Pip.

As you say Yogin, none of us know what we'll do when we come face to face with our EAC until it happens. He may have nodded if we'd made eye contact but I avoided doing so.

No Whiff, I'm not a better person that you. Many scenarios have gone through mind over the years of what, if anything I would do if we 'met' and what happened on Friday was just one of them.

Well done for tackling those cobbles . I hate walking over the areas we have near here especially if I'm not expecting too and am in heels but it's a good excuse (not that I need one) to hold onto Mr. S.'s arm.

It's great that your UTI didn't spoil your holiday and that you received such good care. You certainly managed to pack a lot in and remind me of the Duracell Bunny .

We bought a cool mat for Poppy but despite our encouragement, she wont even stand on it which is rather frustrating when she's struggling with the heat.

Enjoy the if you can everyone and stay safe xx

Good to read to have had a lovely holiday Whiff Morecambe was featured in the Chelsea flower show! I've been watching all week, but missed the afternoon shows [didn't record], so will have to watch on 'catch-up'

Those cobblestones are awful for anyone to walk on Whiff but if you have a disability, it must be near impossible!

That made me laugh about Poppy not even standing on her cool mat Smiles. I have a cool bandana for Joey, it's big so quite covering.

I had a long walk on the beach this morning with Joey, before 7am so lovely with the tide in, my son came too as he has the day off. Couldn't take Joey for his walkies after my class yesterday, as it was too hot, thought I'd take him early evening, but still too hot!

Stay cool everyone xxx

Keep thinking about your encounter with your ES Smiles. Hope today the sense of peace continues for both of you. It is what it is and we’ve spent many years reconciling ourselves to the fact. Those of us long term estranged have come a long way. It’s a testimony to the work we’ve had to do to rebuild our lives without them in it.
We’ve been to a couple of distant family gatherings this weekend….always hard because people pointedly don’t ask about our EC but do our other children. Is often the little things like this that trigger us.

....not bandana; like a cloak.

Another early walk on the beach this morning, it was lovely with the tide in.

Going to the Theatre this evening to see 'The ballad of Johnny & June' that's Johnny Cash, should be really good.

Stay cool everyone xx

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I must admit, I was a little taken aback at the casual references to slapping and punching people…..

Just to clarify - that’s not to say that I don’t understand the depth of emotion felt by those estranged, or the immense hurt caused - I have every sympathy with that, having once been there myself.

Morning everyone.

It's a lot cooler here this morning, a bit of a shock when we got up TBH because it's been so hot.

No luck with enticing Poppy onto the cool mat Yogin so I'm going to give it to our friends for their little Maltese who slept on it on Monday afternoon.

Hope you enjoyed the theatre last night.

Thank you Spring ; the sense of peace continues for us both.

Many of us have as you say come a long way, and this support thread not only testifies to that but also to the strength and determination that has got us to where we are today.

GranHoney duck off I haven't hit a child my nephew was 27 a grown man now 38 he told me he deserved it as I was always there for him when he was going through hell with his own mom.

Lurk somewhere else unless you have been have been estranged by your children. But then again you must be the perfect parent and human being . Your life must be so boring being perfect.

At least I am honest by the way my son will be 39 this year.

stillawhip I haven't punched anyone. But I know how to my brother taught me when we where in our teens. Plus we do punching exercises in our sit fit class age range mid 50-mid 80's. So we know how to look after ourselves plus many like me use a walking stick which I have used since I was 29.

If you both like picking on people for being honest I feel sorry for you says more about you than me being honest.

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I took my brother into another room and slapped him not my son. I didn't say my son

Reading what I wrote I grounded my son for 3 months. Don't know why I said I slapped him I didn't.
But I don't owe you an explanation why I get muggled.

I only slapped my brother and nephew both where adults.

If you are a lurker here them if you have been for years you know my story.

But I don't think you have been a lurker just someone who just popped up.

Don't bother replying as I will ignore you.

GranHoney did a search on you came back do not match any results.