Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Allsorts my neighbour is getting very good heathcare. But has decided no more operations ,chemo or radiotherapy. She wants to spend whatever time she has left at home and she has someone doing her shopping and cleaning and will pay for carers . I will visit her . She was the first person who welcomed me here . I have the time as no more Wombles. She's like me a chatterbox . Her daughters are both healthy and don't work and drive . Both husbands have very good jobs. Her eldest daughter has just moved into a massive house in a very up market area. But told her mom she will never set foot in it.

My daughter said about the letter its called harassment. I said I know but they had better leave it there. I am no push over my tolerance for shit is zero.

Very hot here this morning but clouded over now Yogin . Royal Ascot in the Princess Ann enclosure very posh. Hope you have a bet and your horse wins. Enjoy people watching and see if you spot any one famous.

Joey will be feeling lot better after his hair cut.

Don't know if I said the 4 contemporary choirs will be going into a recording studio either 12th or 19th September they are Saturday's so I will beable to go. Its going to be fun . Be great meeting the other choirs. I have to laugh me in a choir . Our choir director was lovely and told me my singing is getting better. But my daughter does ask how many stray cats follow me home. Cheeky kid 😜

Morning all

Sizzler today! I was on the beach with Joey by 7am, walking in the just departing shoreline waters, it was heaven. In all day now. Will give Joey a haircut so he keeps cool. Bought one of those bladeless fans, so that will be on all day, good it's silent.

Need to shower after cutting Joey's hair and do my nails, ready for tomorrows day at the Royal Ascot, we are in the Princess Ann enclosure, leaving at 8.15am so need to get everything ready to go today. Bought some beautiful but comfortably shoes, 2 pairs, to where at Ascot, but don't think they will get here in time now .

Welcome Jduffy. It's so sad isn't it. I've missed my precious GD growing up, we were so close, she and her mum lived with me, I chose her name, there-after she had my full name/surname, taken from her by her stepdad. I have the original birth certificate, which one day she will get to see.
Missed my little GS too growing up, who wasn't born whilst living with me though.

Whiff best of luck with the Wombles group. How sad for your neighbour, nice of you to sit and chat with her for 2.5hrs, sure she felt better afterwards. I hope Karma does some payback to all our heartless AC.

Keep cool Smiles & Allsorts xxx

I found Whiff comment funny too Smiles .

Whiff, I feel so sorry for your neighbour, how can two daughters pull away from her when she is so ill? It is beyond me. I do hope she is getting all the help she can, you often say how good the Health Care is where you live and surely they won’t leave her stranded. If her daughters have distanced now she is so vulnerable and ill I can understand her not wanting to go on, I really can. Physically they may be unable to help as but a visit and talking to her or a trip out would help so much and its just time.

Allsorts she has know the leader of the Wombles since the children were small and she is going through a hard time at the moment. Pointed out.most people are me included had another diagnosis but its treatable but like my HPX and heart lifelong treatment.

Also what makes me laugh is they are committed Christians as if that makes the 3 who started all this good people. If that's their form of Christianity glad I am an atheist at least I am not a hypocrite.

Jduffy we understand what you are going through. Seems like its a sport our estranged kids love kicking the boot in. They know the best way to hurt you. The longevity of this thread shows how much it is need and always will be . Two years everything is still very raw and hard to bare. I gave my son 3 years then decided enough . Its been 6 years and I never want to see him again. But that's me once I decide to do something I do. My 3 grandsons are strangers and probably been told I don't want them or I am dead.

I have my daughter ,son in law and 2 grandsons. We see each other once a fortnight they live 10 mins away but like my daughter says the boys and me have a better social life than she does. She always checks if I going to be in or not. But does check I am ok daily.

One of my neighbours who I spent 2.5 hours with yesterday didn't intend to but I can't not talk to someone if they need it. Since her cancer and shes going blind her 2 daughters both have pulled away from her saying don't expect us to look after you. She's 89. She told me she has had enough and doesn't see the point of living. Hence my staying and talking her she needed someone who understood.

This thread is like that . Talk about what ever you want this is a safe place . Just a group of friend chatting . Especially the one who rambles 🤪 . Yeah mean me.
You are not alone nor is estrangement the taboo subject it once was.

Celieanne, I echo what Smileless has said. Please do not be hurt if your nephew wants to meet your son, why shouldn't he? It is not his problem so welcome him and do not mention your son,. No one knows why your son has done what he has. You have enough coping with your health limitations and at your age looking after your terminally ill husband. I do not think anyone can understand the betrayal of your own child turning on you. It's a lonely place to be with your thoughts and it affected my self worth and confidence. All my friends have children that bother with them so I often think why me.
Whiff, why did your friend support them, did she give reasons?

Hello Jduffy. It's surprising how comforting it can be to know that you're not the only one and I'm glad that simply reading these threads have provided some support .

wish my ticks had the swear words and inappropriate language oh Whiff that did make me . You are naughty which is why we love you.

Thank you all - you’ve given me support and it’s helped to proportion how being barred from seeing my grandchildren- 2 years now - for no reason I can see, is sadly not uncommon and suffered by many others too - with thanks and feeling for all those in my same situation

Should have said wish my ticks had the swear words and inappropriate language.

Yogin I won't do that as I really like a lot of the people there. They don't know what is going on. They will be tarred with the same brush. I have something even better I will set the Brain Charity on them. My HPX I can have ticks like some with tourettes only have but dont have the the verbal swear words and inappropriate words. A friend has that form of tourettes just the ticks .

Oh dear Whiff What about the local paper, makes for a good story.

Well its seems I am the villain as I won't bend as far as the Wombles are concerned. Meet who I thought was a good friend the mother of my youngest friend. And she defended the women involved who came 10th May and the letter I received Tuesday.

I did tell her if they do anything else what I do they are going to regret messing with me. I left the Wombles 2 days after they came it should have been the end if it. And told her what was said in my home I decide if its private or not no one is telling me it was a private conversation. They tried to gag me way to late as I have posted about it on sites I trust.
Watch this space 😤 .

Welcome Celieanne

Very good advice from Smiles & Whiff

Yes, our EAC do gather together to share terminologies which will hurt us, their parents, the most. They gather on Reddit, Mumsnet and the like. Stick with us now and you will get all the help, advise, kindness and support to help you through these difficult times .

Whiff contact your local paper and give them the story.

You have every right to be angry Whiff. Least you should do is write back and tell them what you've said above. You could take it even further but then it would be equally unpleasant and time consuming for you but definitely write a letter back and put them straight. What a rotten club, you're best out of it.

Hello Celieanne.

I realise that what I'm about to say is 'easier said than done' but do try not to take your nephew's decision to meet up with his cousin, the son whose estranged you, personally.

He's coming over to meet family who he has no memory of ever seeing or has never seen so they are essentially strangers to him, as he is a stranger to you.

You say that none of your family are bothered about seeing him and I'm assuming this means that they are prepared to attend a family get together for the benefit of your nephew, with your estranged son in attendance.

It may help to re frame this as your family doing what they can to accommodate your nephew, rather than behaving in a way which understandably for you, looks as if they lack any understanding of or concern for the way your ES has behaved.

If this has not already been arranged/addressed, it is perfectly reasonable for you to meet with your nephew, with or without other family but definitely without your ES being present.

Every single one of us who lives with the pain of being estranged by their own child, knows how difficult it can be when family or even friends have contact with the AC whose estranged us. It can feel at worse like a betrayal and at best a complete lack of understanding of the pain we've endure.

Only those who have been estranged by their AC can begin to understand what that is like and even then, only you know what it's like for you and only you can know how much it took to get through all of that pain at the worse time in your life, when you lost your DH.

You will be seeing the nephew who you last saw when he was a baby; enjoy it. Enjoy learning about the life he has in Australia and that he'll have come all this way to meet the family he has never known which includes his 89 year old aunt.

When our AC estrange us they don't just destroy our relationship, they destroy our dreams. They prevent us in many cases from having the life we thought we would have; from being GP's.

You have the opportunity to meet up with the nephew you probably never expected to see again. Don't let anything or anyone spoil it for you x

Thanks for that Whiff I find it odd how the doctor said I should be 10 for my age [3more than you] but that I was 12.
Strangely I had to visit the doctor for something else, thought I'd be given some cream to clear up an 'infection' but when I collected it, it was the same as what you have; Atrovastatin 20mg. I've taken 2 so far at lunch time, once cleared up, I'll stop, no side-effects so far. Hiding from my son as he would be august.

Good to read you enjoyed your theatre trip. My sister has just asked if I want to see 'Tony Hadley's Christmas Big Band in Nov. It wouldn't have been my choice but I'm sure it will be a great night out.

I'm posting, then back soon to finish reading your post Whiff..........

Well Whiff, they have chosen the wrong person to bully , stand firm, and as Smileless says show them your forum
Disgraceful discrimination!

Celieanne86 you have come to the right place. I am sorry about your husband and know you feel half of you is missing . I am glad my husband was long dead before my son estranged not just me but what is left of our side of the family. He hurt my brother very much and my nephew as they where close.

I had a kind loving son for 32 years . The realisation he is a cruel coward as he did it via email and follow up letter was hard. You are right all the things you say your son is so is my son. He knew at the time he sent the email they had found a problem with my heart showed just how little he cared. He called me vindictive and manipulative in his follow up letter.

They apply to him and my daughter in law . I had horrible in laws we hated each other on sight from 1975. My father in law died in 1988 not long after I had been in hospital for 3 weeks. I was born disabled he told me I was defective but at least he had the guts to say it to my face. I hated my mother in law for 40 years but I looked after for 11 years after my husband died she was 91 .

My son and daughter in law have turned into my in laws. Only difference at least my in laws said horrible things to our face . But I don't hate them but I decided after being estranged for 3 years in 2023 I never want to see my son ever again . We are strangers I am no longer the mom he knew and he is definitely not the son I knew. I have 3 grandsons with them don't know the name or date of birth of the youngest only he was due July 2020. If they decide to find me I won't hold back about their parents as I put up with a lot from them .

I totally understand why you feel as you do. I don't understand why after 60 years your nephew wants to meet . You are strangers as he was a baby when you last saw him what would you talk about .

Your carers should be more understanding. Are they from a private carer agency or NHS ? My cleaner is from a private care agency . Because of my disability and my need for planning and routine in my life. I know I will have a cleaner come every Thursday. They are trained in all forms of care as the agency offers what ever their clients need. They where recommended to me by someone I did a course last year as they help her shower.

When I told them about my son's estrangement they told me it has happened to clients they help. When one of their clients died and his siblings told him he said good but at least he didn't attend the funeral . So they could grieve in peace their mom had died years ago before the estrangement.

I cut my son out of my will in 2020 and took out both powers of attorney and my daughter and son in law are my attorneys . I trust my son in law the same way I trust my daughter. I never saw the estrangement coming but my lovely son in law said he knew things weren't right for years but didn't want to hurt me.

That's the difference between the couples one has done nothing but hurt me and the other nothing but love and caring .

My son will never know when I die as there is no need he nor my grandsons are in my will. Everything is left to my daughter and if she decides to give my grandsons anything its her choice. My husband and me always agreed children can inherit from their parents and grandchildren can inherit front their parents.

Does your other son and daughter have anything to do with their brother? And are they bothered about seeing your nephew in September?

Because I talk about my estrangement from my son his choice. I am amazed how many people are estranged from family members . One of my cousins wife her dad estranged her when she was a teenager when he left her and his wife for another woman and started a new famiky. She died when she was 53 theu had been together since they where 14. We got on like a house on fire. Somehow her dad found out she had died and came to the funeral luckily my other 2 cousins saw him before their brother did and threw him out. Infact the youngest of the brothers punched him as he tried to stay.

Keep posting how you feel we understand. This is a safe thread and thanks to Smiles and other long term estranged any horrors or trolls are soon sent packing . Safest thread on the estrangement forum.
🫂

I’ve been reading through all the posts today, I wonder do these estranged sons and daughters gather together to work out which phrases and comments and barbs will hurt their parents the most.
Well I’ve got some as well, loathsome, vindictive, ungrateful, spiteful and evil minded being just a few I can think of at the moment, and cruel, yes cruel when he knows his dad is dying of cancer,it could have been at any time.
It’s four years since my spoilt selfish brat of a son put the phone down on me because I was looking after my husband and it wasn’t possible to speak to him just at that moment.
Well I don’t want to speak to him now, he destroyed me at the funeral, he didn’t even speak to me or his brother and sister, or anybody as far as I know. I’ve stayed calm up until now, prayed he would understand and come back but it’s over, a switch has been clicked. I don’t know why, apart from I can’t understand. I don’t understand, he doesn’t want to know us.
My nephew who lives in Australia and who I last saw 60 years ago when he was a baby is coming over on holiday for a month to meet us all, he’s a year older than his cousin, knows the situation but wants to meet up with him. It’s affecting me badly as none of the family knowing how much he hurt his dad and me are bothered about seeing him. Help please, suggestions gratefully read and considered. I’m very old, 89 next month, totally disabled and looked after by carers who can’t understand why I’m not looking forward to
September and yes you have read about my whinging, moaning, never satisfied son before. I’m so glad I’ve got gransnet thank you 🥰

Smiles they want to keep there goody goody imagine especially as they where on BBC morning TV in January. And 6 weeks ago they asked the founder to go on and talk about people putting filled dog poo bags in the gaps in Hadrains wall.

I had let it go when I left if they want war then they picked on the wrong person . My tolerance for bad behaviour is at zero.

Also they can second in the local council award for volunteery services to the community.

Madgran I know exactly who they are. When they came on 10th May after I went I decided to leave and told the leader 2 days later I had left. After I had spoke to my exercise instructors to see if they had a problem with my disability, lanyard and me in general . Both just gave me a hug and said of course not and didn't understand why they would talk to me the way they did.
Putting it in black and white big mistake. Especially about having a carer or support buddy. Huge mistake.

Whiff Their behaviour is appalling. The fact they "want you to have a carer" suggests they may be worried about having to take responsibility if something happens. But even if that is their concern they could have just had a calm conversation with you; checked out properly any needs etc; let you explain re the lanyard etc. Their behaviour is disgusting! Sadly I suspect it is only a section of the group behaving in this high handed unkind and discriminatory way, and the rest maybe don't want to speak up incase they suffer as well. No excuse though! I'm sorry you have had this happen to you 💐

What do you mean they don't want you to talk about it Whiff .

could you tell them it's too late because you already have on an online forum and the responses you've had are that this is a disgraceful example of discrimination and passive bullying.

Thanks Yogin, Poppy was thrilled when I told her about the cake and flowers .

Yogin I am 68 and been told by my cardiologist my cholesterol should be 5 or under. I have been taking Atorvaststin 20mg one a day since January last year . My cholesterol was 4.4 last year this 3.5 . I have had problems with my sodium levels being low of well over 10 years but they where stable . This year they are in the normal range . I think the statin has stabilised my sodium levels. I have had no side effects from them I take them of a morning at 6am . They have a coating so they protect your stomach . My brother is on them as well but lot higher dose . He had to try several statins before finding one that didn't hurt his muscles in his legs.

I don't watch live TV and never think to watch Spring watch on iplayer. I used to love watching it.

Hope you enjoyed your hols even though the weather was bad. I am glad it rained when I went to Lancaster as I couldn't have done all I did in the very hot weather we had when I was home.

Smiles hope your neighbours dog is on the mend . Haven't seen partridges for years lucky you. Dog shows can be fun even if you don't win.

The concert was fabulous they did 2 musical encores it was 11pm before I got home . Haven't been out late on a Saturday since my daughters wedding . They didn't sell my companion ticket and there was a lady sitting behind it so told her to sit there as it was on the front of the box and it was pointless being empty.

Well the Wombles aren't satisfied I have left . Had a letter from them today. The letter is there version of what happened. On the subject of my lanyard I wear when out they decided and I quote" It was established that the lanyard did not serve the same purpose as a medical alert bracelet containing specific medical instructions"

My National Disability card I wear on National Disability lanyard . It has my picture name and date of birth. If I collapse or fall and medics needed they just need to put my name and date of birth into NHS data base they will see my medical records.

" During the discussion you appeared to minimise the seriousness of your condition, stating that it would never become a serious issue ".

I was born like this I was 63 before I had my diagnosis. Lived with this my whole life . Brought the children up without it effecting them I was just mom. My grandsons are growing up with a disabled nannie it not an issue with them . Looked after my husband, dad,mom and mother in law until they died. Move house myself.

They even have the gaul to expect me to have a carer or support buddy. Yes that is in the letter.

I am very independent and don't need a carer or support buddy. Bet they haven't said that to anyone else with a physical or mental disability.

My cleaner is from a care agency and they have to be trained in all aspects of care. She said what they did is passive bullying . I use a care agency because I my life runs on planning and routine this way I know a cleaner will come every Thursday.

I had checked with my exercise instructors before my first classes after they came . They don't see see my HPX,wearing my lanyard and how I am as a problem they both gave me a hug. At choir it isn't problem either.

They don't want me to talk about it but if anyone I saw at Wombles asks why I left I will tell them . They think they can gag me good luck with that.

As far as I was concerned I left and that was the end of the matter . But no they don't want to let it go.

Fellow Wombles had asked for my advice on things that I knew about and pointed in the right direction to get the help they needed . They followed my advice and got the help they needed and thanked me.

And yet I am seen as a problem . To say I am angry 😡 is an understatement.

For Poppy

Morning all, hope you all had a good weekend.

Glad you enjoyed your holibobs Yogin even though the weather let you down.

Well all I can say about yesterday is 'we was robbed^!!! There was a dog show on site yesterday and not only did our little Poppy not win, she wasn't second or third either .

It was good fun though and as she had absolutely no idea what was going on, she wasn't in anyway offended .