Son has signed out

OK, well just my opinion and we’ll have to agree to disagree on that point!

bakestrategic

I’ve just asked a question that won’t be answered it would seem. Cursing at someone in rage over a reasonable request I would think is blatantly unacceptable behavior.

Well cursing generally at someone isnt helpful. But it may be human on occasion when someone is upset and confused! Noone is perfect!!!

I agree the poster can only change and control his own behaviour. But there are also ways to give constructive ctriticism and suggestions to someone so obviously distraught and confused, that genuinely helps them to start working out a way forward. And it CAN be done kindly!

I suspect that not all Posters on this Thread are here to help.

Madgran77

bakestrategic

I’ve just asked a question that won’t be answered it would seem. Cursing at someone in rage over a reasonable request I would think is blatantly unacceptable behavior.

Well cursing generally at someone isnt helpful. But it may be human on occasion when someone is upset and confused! Noone is perfect!!!

I agree the poster can only change and control his own behaviour. But there are also ways to give constructive ctriticism and suggestions to someone so obviously distraught and confused, that genuinely helps them to start working out a way forward. And it CAN be done kindly!

I totally agree that to err is to be human! To me what matters is how we respond to mistakes we make, like making changes to prevent the mistake in the future, not expecting forgiveness after an apology, etc. I also agree that the kindness factor could be higher for some posters. I've been trying to respectfully ask questions to get a better understanding, and I thank posters like Smileless for answering in good faith even though we have fundamental disagreements about what constitutes abuse.

No worries stillawipp.

I agree with your suspicion Maremia.

Thank you bakestrategic .

@MissAdventure,

I’m not sure who you were referring to as far as this “little gang” is concerned but whatever you are referring to has nothing to do with me. I’m too old and too disinterested to engage in online or in-person bullying. I wish all could say the same…

People are allowed to disagree with anyone here. Disagreement is not denigration. People are allowed to see the same information and have different perspectives on it. I could point out real examples of actual bullying that would run quite counter to your particular narrative but I don’t enjoy such discussion derailments, which seem to be used as a tool here at times. We were having a robust discussion on one poster’s conduct toward a family member and varying perspectives on said conduct. I see no reason to center someone else in the middle of it.

Disagreement isn't denigration.
Fetching up another posters estrangent, alongside a made up scenario around it, is.
That's the short and long of it.
It helps nobody, not the original poster, not the member who is estranged, and is merely commenting, as we all may, and I'd imagine, not even the person who jumped in to attack mode.

There is absolutely no need for it.
Its a discussion.
Not a war, not a point scoring exercise.

If NRD dad is still reading, I hope you can filter the comments and take in only what you feel may help get you in a better place with yourself and with your son, even if the advice doesn’t reinforce your current perspective.

Family matters more than any opinions on the internet.

"bakestrategic" Just to clarify my point about the kindness factor is that done in the right way an upset and confused person is more likely to be able to "hear" the difficult message and hopefully act on it.

I hope you have achieved your aim of "getting a better understanding" from your questions. 🙂

Precisely Madgran. Judgemental and offensive remarks are more than likely going to make someone defensive, and understandably so.

Smileless2012

Precisely Madgran. Judgemental and offensive remarks are more than likely going to make someone defensive, and understandably so.

Yes Smileless. If the purpose of posting is to help somebody to see the wood for the trees through their distress, then giving difficult constructive advice in an honest, clear and kind way (which does NOT mean avoiding saying what the person needs to hear) is more likely to be successful 🤔🙂