My son will not allow me access to my granddaughter

So you had a falling out 10 years ago, then 7 years ago he ceased contact because he claimed you took over his business. And you think his wife is to blame for his abandoning you, despite the fact that you weren't at the wedding and have never met her. Is that what I am understanding?

Hello, Pening, and I’m so sorry that you are in this position - I have been too & it is utterly heartbreaking. It is very brave of you to post on here.
Are you wanting to hear others’ experiences of how to deal with life after estrangement, or to have people suggest ways to end the estrangement?

It sounds like you two have different perspectives on what happened with the business. He told you what the problem was. I imagine being told it didn't happen that way doesn't do much to resolve his feelings about it.

Honestly I think you should move on. His stance is clear. A lot of estranged parents blame the spouse but in my experience, meeting my spouse opened my eyes to what love is supposed to feel like. I started to think about how loved ones are supposed to ask. Eventually I wouldn't take my perspective being dismissed or brushed under the rug anymore.

A healthy relationship needs repair after rupture. You can't repair without considering the other person's perspective even if you disagree with it.

It may have been triggered by the new relationship but it wasn't my husbands influence that led to my decision.

Good luck and I hope you find happiness in the family you have right now. It sounds like there's a lot of joy to be had in it.

Sometimes you just have to let go and accept they do not want you in their life. It is sad and hurtful but in the long run the only way. It took me a long time to accept I no longer had a brother- like you presents were returned unopened to me. I agonised over it for some time and then stopped trying to communicate with someone who did not want to communicate with me. That was 10 years ago.

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We fell out 10 years ago , but has since got married and had a daughter. He wanted to run the business alone, but it was a family business split between my ex husband and me, my son worked for us.

I don’t blame my ex spouse. And I wasn’t with my new husband when my son left the business . Just finding it hard not seeing and speaking to him.

I am struggling not seeing them, he is my only child, I miss him do much. Struggling to cope with the fact he does not want to see me. Not sure what I have done that is so bad, I cannot see him and my granddaughter. The business is finished. I can’t change that, Covid sorted that. Just struggling .

Good grief LucoMucho who the heck are you ?
You sound like some witch casting a spell or worse

Hello Pening and welcome.

We have been estranged for almost 13 years so I understand how heart breaking this is for you because we don't just lose our child, we lose GC too and we lost our only GC.

Think about whether sending gifts and face book messages to which there is no response maybe feeding your pain. If doing so brings you some comfort then you should continue but if not, maybe you should think about stopping.

When there is no communication and hasn't been any for some time, there really is nothing you can do accept make the most of what you have.

Enjoy your beautiful step grandchildren because even though they cannot take the place of the grand daughter you have never met, being a step grandmother must be better than not being one at all .

I’m genuinely confused how his wife, that you never met, is responsible for the estrangement. Are you even sure he knew her at the time, since the estrangement is 10 years, but the marriage is 7?

Or are you blaming her for not repairing the situation?

BlueBelle

Good grief LucoMucho who the heck are you ?
You sound like some witch casting a spell or worse

That’s what I thought!! Please ignore Pening!

BlueBelle

Good grief LucoMucho who the heck are you ?
You sound like some witch casting a spell or worse

🧟‍♀️

It must be a joke, but not in the least bit funny.

I’m so sorry you have lost the chance to build a relationship with your grandchild. I think you should give up sending the gifts. Maybe write him a letter explaining how much it pains you not to have contact and asking him to forgive you for whatever it was that upset him so much (presumably £££).

It must be very hard for you ...sorry I don't have any answers

Wish I had the answers but haven't. Sorry for you. Just send cards and build a life now with those you do have, don't waste your life as he is doing what he chooses, he has a mind of his own.

Smileless2012

Hello Pening and welcome.

We have been estranged for almost 13 years so I understand how heart breaking this is for you because we don't just lose our child, we lose GC too and we lost our only GC.

Think about whether sending gifts and face book messages to which there is no response maybe feeding your pain. If doing so brings you some comfort then you should continue but if not, maybe you should think about stopping.

When there is no communication and hasn't been any for some time, there really is nothing you can do accept make the most of what you have.

Enjoy your beautiful step grandchildren because even though they cannot take the place of the grand daughter you have never met, being a step grandmother must be better than not being one at all .

"If doing so brings you some comfort then you should continue"

Pening listen to this!!

Don't stop, not even for half a second, to think how it may affect your son to continuously receive deeply unwanted contact. Especially after all of the abuse he put you through all these years by ignoring you!

If it brings YOU comfort than DO IT!!!

Pening

We fell out 10 years ago , but has since got married and had a daughter. He wanted to run the business alone, but it was a family business split between my ex husband and me, my son worked for us.

I’m not sure why you’re blaming your child’s spouse and in-laws when your estrangement happened before them?

if it brings YOU comfort than DO IT yes HollowSong.

Summerlove

Pening

We fell out 10 years ago , but has since got married and had a daughter. He wanted to run the business alone, but it was a family business split between my ex husband and me, my son worked for us.

I’m not sure why you’re blaming your child’s spouse and in-laws when your estrangement happened before them?

Well if she can't blame the spouse than she would have to blame herself.

Estranged parents would rather blame spouses, friends, the internet, even society itself before even just taking a single glance in the mirror.

A rather sweeping statement @TheTaxWoman, is a bit like saying all estranged ACs are just entitled snowflakes, which would be totally unfair and incorrect.
The OP may be making assumptions about the DiL but that doesn’t indicate that she is unable to analyse her own possible mistakes or lack of understanding, in my own experience the first thing estranged parents ask is “what have I done wrong?’
But perhaps you know many more estranged parents than I do.

Estranged parents would rather blame spouses, friends, the internet, even society itself before even just taking a single glance in the mirror.

What a silly generalisation! 🙄

What a silly generalisation it is isn't it Madgran.

Hello Pening - I’m not sure whether you’re still reading but if so, my advice would be this….are you on good enough terms with your ex to ask him for his take on where things went wrong? If not, is there anyone else you could ask for an objective honest appraisal of what happened? Ask them to be entirely honest - if you let them sugarcoat things & say that you were entirely blameless in this, and that isn’t true, then you won’t get anywhere. Then take some time to think about whether there is any truth in what they have said. If not, then there is not much you can do and you may just have to reconcile yourself to estrangement, heartbreaking as that is. If there is any truth in it, and you could have done or said something better, write your son a letter and apologise. Properly and genuinely. Not a ‘lawyer‘s apology’ where you qualify it by saying “I’m sorry you were upset”, but a really heartfelt apology for something you did or said that you now recognise could have been done better, and that you sincerely apologise for it. No qualifications, no attempts to justify yourself (I presume you’ve already done that), just an unequivocal apology. Then you may start to get somewhere x