Sharing something a friend told me

Smarter

The problem with the unsolicited advice thing, is that many overbearing people don’t stop after the first time.
Yes, you can give your opinion on my parenting decision, I might even explain my reasons to you. But then the conversation should be over.
I do not want to have arguments against every one of my reasons and why I’m doing something. It’s not helpful. And it doesn’t just happen one time, it happens multiple times. To the point these people have to make a boundry- this is my decision, We have talked about X, I am no longer speaking about X. If you bring it up again, I will leave.

Jeez…I must live a simple uncomplicated life here with my adult kids and now adult grandchildren.

We don’t use psycho babble, descriptors of anything, or any buzz words/phrases.🤷‍♀️

We say what think, thrash it out, and move on.

I had trouble with my adult step-kids, but it was easy, after 20 years of aggro, to just move them out of my life.

Sometimes, life just doesn’t need to be complicated. 😉

Oh dear looks like we have a new or old troll under a different name

Goodness, jakleenandrey, I am astonished to read your description of Kuwait as " family friendly".
There are Draconian laws limiting mother's rights in relation to their children in this country.

You’re absolutely right—healthy boundaries are essential for emotional balance. Taking a step back with small activities like reading or travel planning can really help. For example, I’ve seen how places with family-friendly options, such as a kids club in Kuwait
, encourage both independence and togetherness.

How do you personally find balance between staying connected and giving yourself space?

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

bakestrategic

RosieandherMaw

You shouldn't disparage progress just because you don't fully understand it
My point is that too many people bandy these terms around which they don’t understand.
Please don’t tell me that I don’t, you know nothing of my background, training or experience.

Have you seen people misusing these terms in this thread RosieandherMaw?

Oh. RosieandherMaw's post was about the original poster.

RosieandherMaw

^You shouldn't disparage progress just because you don't fully understand it^
My point is that too many people bandy these terms around which they don’t understand.
Please don’t tell me that I don’t, you know nothing of my background, training or experience.

Have you seen people misusing these terms in this thread RosieandherMaw?

RosieandherMaw

Too many people these days throw “therapy speak” or psychobabble around despite no training or education in psychology.
Instead of saying someone is a pain in the bum, , they now say he’s a narcissist.
Instead of saying I’m overthinking, they now say I’m obsessing.
Instead of saying they are sad, they say they’re depressed.
Instead of saying she’s nervous, they say she has anxiety.
Instead of saying I don’t like or agree with you, they say you’re gaslighting me and triggering me.
A difference of opinion is now leveled up so they are impossible to have a conversation with.
Instead of mutual respect they talk about “boundaries”
Labelling everything makes it so that they don’t have to deal with the person.
Ironically it creates more isolation and fragmentation.
I generally try to avoid threads like this - OP asks profound?
I don’t think so.

Well ...........everything you just said. Bravo.

I think those who are impacted by those things tend to understand what the words mean very well. The same is true of boundaries. People tend to know what the word boundaries means because they had issues with people stomping over them.

The person who initiates and keeps up estrangement holds the cards. You can only reconnect if there is a mutual desire. If after trying to put things right you might have done, you hold no power and have no option but accept and make a dufferent life. You can say the person estranging has had their feelings hurt to make that final decision. Its complex.

You shouldn't disparage progress just because you don't fully understand it
My point is that too many people bandy these terms around which they don’t understand.
Please don’t tell me that I don’t, you know nothing of my background, training or experience.

Oh there are all sorts of new medical terms, not just for mental health but also for diseases and life threatening illness. This is because progress has moved towards treatment for said medical issues. Quite a lot of newer medical terms mean people no longer die from them or have their lives so negatively impacted from them. Rather brilliant I would say.

Back in my day, PTSD was just called Shell Shock. Why the complex psychobabble, the soldiers are just a lil shook from the shells?

Newer generations understand mental health better and have made words to describe the new concepts they have discovered.

You shouldn't disparage progress just because you don't fully understand it.

Too many people these days throw “therapy speak” or psychobabble around despite no training or education in psychology.
Instead of saying someone is a pain in the bum, , they now say he’s a narcissist.
Instead of saying I’m overthinking, they now say I’m obsessing.
Instead of saying they are sad, they say they’re depressed.
Instead of saying she’s nervous, they say she has anxiety.
Instead of saying I don’t like or agree with you, they say you’re gaslighting me and triggering me.
A difference of opinion is now leveled up so they are impossible to have a conversation with.
Instead of mutual respect they talk about “boundaries”
Labelling everything makes it so that they don’t have to deal with the person.
Ironically it creates more isolation and fragmentation.
I generally try to avoid threads like this - OP asks profound?
I don’t think so.

User138562

I highly advise anyone feeling physically ill from participating in this forum to stop participating. No one is changing minds here. There are endless examples of the same fruitless arguments going back for years and years. Often with the exact same participants making the exact same arguments over and over.

What's the point really? This is exactly why estrangement is necessary. People can't listen and understand each other anymore.

Lol

Goodness yes.

Exactly User

I highly advise anyone feeling physically ill from participating in this forum to stop participating. No one is changing minds here. There are endless examples of the same fruitless arguments going back for years and years. Often with the exact same participants making the exact same arguments over and over.

What's the point really? This is exactly why estrangement is necessary. People can't listen and understand each other anymore.

My confusion was due to the setting, you see, teaching about healthy boundaries, what they look like and when they need to be placed would be very beneficial on an estrangement forum.

To me, boundaries often boil down to, “If you choose to do X, I will do y.”

Example: If you choose to criticize my parenting, I will end the visit.

It’s not controlling to choose not to listen just because someone wants to talk. As much as people are free to give their unsolicited opinions and advice, nobody is obligated to stick around and provide the audience for it.

So if you're main grievance is that she blames you for ridiculous things, why are you upset about her boundaries?

BeepBoop

Ok, so why are you on a crusade against boundaries than?

The dessert-ulcer may have been a reach, but can you give some credence to the notion that you are likely responsible for at least some of the problems your adult daughter now faces, given that you were in charge of raising her.

Have you made any concessions or progress towards understanding her viewpoint, or are you just focusing on the weakest (most easily dismissed) points she has made (or tried to make)?

"The dessert-ulcer may be a reach"

You think? Well that is the nature of all her grievances. That one is just a sample.

I have tried to treat her with respect despite the clearly outrageous notions she gets to prove I was a crappy mom.

Anyone else who would try that, most likely I would laugh in their face and tell them how ignorant they are for such unfounded and unscientific rubbish.

With her I calmly brought up common knowledge that alcohol causes ulcers.

To this day I feel she still doesn't believe it.

It's hard not to focus on the weak points when the others are pretty much just as weak.

That makes it pretty hard to make progress with so little to go on.

Ok, so why are you on a crusade against boundaries than?

The dessert-ulcer may have been a reach, but can you give some credence to the notion that you are likely responsible for at least some of the problems your adult daughter now faces, given that you were in charge of raising her.

Have you made any concessions or progress towards understanding her viewpoint, or are you just focusing on the weakest (most easily dismissed) points she has made (or tried to make)?

Lovetopaint037

I ve got a headache ☹️

Me too! It seems an opinion cannot be expressed without it automatically meaning you are guilty of doing whatever is deemed bad in the other's opinions.

My opinions are my thoughts, my actions do not always reflect them. So to be accused of something that I believe is right, but not necessary do because of avoiding conflict, is really kinda weird and pretty dumb too.

Like, what are these support boards supposed to help exactly again? I think like one or two people actually try to help on any thread I actually have read so far.

But I'm not kidding, I actually do have a headache from all this. Not healthy this place....