Estranged from mother with dementia

Age UK hascuseful advice and contacts organisations regarding financial abuse

How sad for you , i can tell that you are heart broken by all this\
Whos looking after your mothers financial and care needs now?

HoneybeeCee I second what V3ra has said.

You need to contact the Police, Adult Care and the Office of the Public Guardian and they should investigate.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, HoneyBeeCee. Unfortunately, wild accusations are not uncommon once dementia has reared its ugly head.

My mother became furiously convinced that her sister had ‘stolen’ their mother’s house, i.e. their childhood home. It was all entirely in her head and I swear sure that even a signed and sealed declaration from the Lord Chancellor wouldn’t have convinced her - he’d have been ‘in league with’ her sister, like anyone else who tried to put her straight.*

Now and then she also made horrible accusations against my dh and dds, that e.g. they ‘didn’t allow’ me to visit her, or tried to prevent me. It was very upsetting - and nothing could have been further from the truth.

*in the end, since it was useless trying to convince her, I used to say e.g. ‘Dear me, that’s terrible, I had no idea! I’ll get on to the police/a solicitor first thing tomorrow.’

Her short term memory was practically zero by then, so I could repeat this ad lib - and I needed to!

You can’t reinstate something that’s been revoked. It would mean a new PoA made with satisfactory evidence that the donor knew what they were doing when giving it or an application for deputyship. People with dementia can and do make wills and give powers of attorney - it’s a question of whether they have capacity at that time. Just because someone has been diagnosed with dementia it doesn’t mean they are instantly deemed mentally incapable forever.

GSM but if you could prove that they had dementia when they cancelled it can it be reinstated?
If not it’s worrying, I wouldn’t want to be able to cancel mine if I had dementia and suddenly decided that my children weren’t to be trusted.

People with dementia may still have times when they know exactly what they’re doing.

Can someone with Dementia revoke the POA? I thought that was the whole point of making one.

HoneybeeCee what a heartbreaking situation your poor mum has put you in.
There are several things you can do to help her.

The granddaughter is committing a crime: financial abuse is a form of domestic abuse.
The criminal offence is under the Theft Act and known as Fraud by Abuse of Position.
Phone the police on 101.

Contact your local authority safeguarding team and ask to speak to an adult care social worker because of your concerns.
I've done that myself and they made enquiries and reported back to me.

Contact the Office of the Public Guardian on
0115 934 2777.
Your mum may have granted PoA to the granddaughter.
The OPG have a safeguarding duty if this is being abused, which it is if the granddaughter is stealing from your mum.
There might also be an issue if she's been persuaded to change her will.

You could let your mum's GP surgery know why you are no longer bringing her.

Hope some of this helps and I wish you and your husband well x

My usually placid FiL, who had Alzheimer's, accused my husband of breaking into the house and stealing from him. We made a cup of tea and he began to behave normally, forgetting about the accusations. It turned out that he had a UTI. The infection recurred at intervals but we learned to recognise the symptoms very quickly and got him treatment straight away.

It's possible that you mum was suffering from an infection as well as dementia and may have not had any treatment for the former. She may also have changed her mind by now about her actions.

Allsorts has good advice. And I would suggest that you gently make contact with your mother - just Christmas greetings, perhaps, and nothing controversial. Brief phone calls or send cards to keep the door open so that if she changes her mind she knows you're still there.

I understand how heartbroken you are HoneybeeCee, heartbroken and worried about your mum. This time of the year makes estrangements that much harder to deal with.

You can't be forced to sign over your portion of the house deed and have done the right thing by refusing to do so. I agree with Allsorts about taking legal advice.

Has your mum had a diagnosis of the inset of dementia? Her outburst in August may well have been in part due to her dementia.

Would it be possible for you to share your concerns with the parents of this grandchild who may not be aware of their child's influence over and treatment of your mother? If they are unaware of what's happening and you can provide evidence of financial abuse, they may be able to help you.

Her

Speaking with my heart I'm sorry you have had this falling out. Did you see your mother regularly apart from appointments, this matters as when an older person gets lonely they fall for scams, she would trust her granddaughter because we do, who would think a loving gd could rob and manipulate their own grandmother. Yet I've heard of daughters and granddaughters doing just that. If your mother has early dementia and has made her mind up there's nothing you can do, but I would cosult a solicitors and put your side, get advice. Someone hold me about an old man who gave his house to a young girl because she offered to take him to hospital appointments, all perfectly legal, he was starting to have memory issues but was deemed of sound mind when he signed the papers.

I am so sorry to hear this

Obviously you have proven you only wanted to protect her money by putting it all back

How was she before the dementia? Was she the type to make racial slurs and throw insults then?