3 bereavements .....

I am very sorry for your loss

Other posters are wise to point that your son is the problem, not dil.

What support did your son offer when his father got ill?

I am afraid there is a lot of identifiable information in this thread- your son's name and places of residence are clearly stated, a violation of privacy in the internet world

I don't really understand the DIL's sulking over a wine day voucher. I've had these things and passed them on to someone that would enjoy them, and I've given various gifts, to others, that have been passed on.

Once a gift is given, it's up to the recipient what they do with it. I don't really get that there needs to be a drama.

If someone is really poorly in hospital, or they've just died, the last thing you want to do is a day trip, or babysitting.🙄

Honestly, the timing of all this is out of order. I would be furious with my son.🙁

Providing it's done politely, IMO asking to exchange a gift from a family member including a m.i.l. is no justification for this behaviour from the OP's d.i.l.

Welcome to GN Nicola.

My sincere condolences for the loss of your husband who you are grieving for, a terrible experience without everything else you're going through.

Try and concentrate on the relationships you have with those who love and care for you. This is I'm sorry to say your son's responsibility. If his wife doesn't want contact with you, that's no reason for him to have none with you either and to prevent you from seeing your GC.

Sadly as DiamondLily has posted, unless he's prepared to see you despite any objections from his wife, there's nothing you can do.

It will take time for you to rebuild your life and it may mean doing so without your son. Only time will tell if he'll regret the current situation and do something about it.

As difficult and painful as it is, we have to accept that in a situation like this it is our own child who is ultimately responsible and I don't say that lightly, having been estranged from our youngest son and only GC for nearly 11 years.

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No she couldn’t crazyH it was an ‘experience’ present so at some stage she would’ve been asked if she’d enjoyed it/used it yet?

So sorry for your loss - 61 is really so young -
Re your d.I.l. - tbh, you shouldn’t have asked her whether you could exchange her present. If you didn’t like the present you could have kept it for a few months and then taken it to the charity shop. I hope I’ve got the story right ..

Please don’t get caught up in an issue that could resolve. Your son is probably still very led by his wife who is probably still probably still very post natal.
Try to do as diamond says and just enjoy dd relationship and hope for son’s realisation that his mum needs him too.
💐

I lost my DH in April, and do understand that family fall-outs just add to the pain.

I'm "fortunate" that the only ones who treated me badly were my Stepchildren and my brother - well good riddance to both of them.🙄

But, it's obviously different with a son and GC.

Your DIL sounds like a stroppy little madam, but, your son is the one really at fault here.

There is absolutely nothing to stop him visiting you, with your GCs. Your DIL doesn't have to visit.

If he cannot/doesn't stand up to her, then I'm not sure there's too much you can do.

I really wish people would understand spousal bereavement - it's horrendous, and it costs people very little to give support.🙁

If possible, I'd enjoy the relationship you have with your daughter, grieve for your husband, and gradually try to rebuild your life - with or without your son and GC in it.

Condolences on your loss x💐

She does sound really unkind in how you've described her but she's not the problem here, your son is.