Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Smileless2012: I'm sorry, I was confused.

Of course DL can not host the party and step away.

DiamondLily do you live in Britain? Don't answer if you don't want to . But because of Covid she could never have that many people in the room when she gave birth. And I don't understand why she would. While babies are beautiful the process of giving birth is not. Does she think she will be perfect at it and look beautiful whilst doing it? She really is a silly girl. Sorry you and your husband are subjected to her behaviour.

Glad you got to sing it's raing men Smiles. Does Mr S sing as well? My song would be like a virgin but sung off key. Love singing but only on my own. My husband was in a school choir but he put his own words to songs and got thrown out.

DerbyshireLass how did it go yesterday ? I hope you gave her enough rope to hang herself. Hopefully the visit didn't stress you out.

Hope to get the more weeds out today and cleaning my large pots ready for end of next month as I am going to grow veg in my greenhouse over winter. Well that's the plan.

Have a good day everyone.

My GS is, (like most young men of 22), emotionally immature.

He's not good at dealing with much conflict, let alone on this level. It's just not something he's come across before.

He really has been incredibly stupid in being 50% responsible for this mess, but he's flailing around, not knowing what to do with continual outbursts and threats.

He came around at the weekend, at an absolute loss, as she knows we are a close family, and she uses us to try and get her own way.

The best that can possibly come out of this is that he's an absent parent, but still being a Dad, with him paying towards it, and having regular access.

There is no way they should live together - this level of arguments will damage everyone, not least the poor child.

DD is looking to me for support, which is fine, but I haven't got the answers.

This girl is so flaky, attention seeking, and frankly, off the wall, I don't know what to do with her, other than to lob back her silly demands for this, this, and that.

My daughter says she's a Narc, but, whatever she is or isn't, we've still got to find a way. She just causes chaos, even when people are being nice to her.

I'm weary of it, and I can see nothing but stress and upset ahead.?

She's booked with a hospital now, so I'm at least hoping professionals will pick up on her past and how she is now.

Anyway, all have a nice day - and I won't whinge anymore today lol ?

Whiff

DiamondLily do you live in Britain? Don't answer if you don't want to . But because of Covid she could never have that many people in the room when she gave birth. And I don't understand why she would. While babies are beautiful the process of giving birth is not. Does she think she will be perfect at it and look beautiful whilst doing it? She really is a silly girl. Sorry you and your husband are subjected to her behaviour.

Glad you got to sing it's raing men Smiles. Does Mr S sing as well? My song would be like a virgin but sung off key. Love singing but only on my own. My husband was in a school choir but he put his own words to songs and got thrown out.

DerbyshireLass how did it go yesterday ? I hope you gave her enough rope to hang herself. Hopefully the visit didn't stress you out.

Hope to get the more weeds out today and cleaning my large pots ready for end of next month as I am going to grow veg in my greenhouse over winter. Well that's the plan.

Have a good day everyone.

Whiff - yes, I do. I live in a London suburb. I did comment that hospitals aren't allowing crowds in any area - even when DH was desperately ill last year, I had to get special permission for two of us to visit at once.

I don't think she sees that - she wants, so she must have.?

And you're right - giving birth is not a beautiful time really. I don't know when it all got so complicated - I went in, got on a bed and gave birth. No dramas or crowds lol

Ex in waiting room.

Then I phoned whoever needed or wanted to know.?

Good Morning everyone.

Good to see you back Whiff. Glad the trip went so well and you had lots of fun. Son and DIL didn't come yesterday after all, so I had a nice peaceful day, pottering jn the garden. I was actually quite relieved not to see them.

. That tells me a lot ...........that I would rather be alone than see them. Sad state of affairs really but there you go. No idea where we go from here. Past caring, in the words of Rhett Butler "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn,". ?.

Just going to concentrate on me now. That might sound selfish but I think there comes a time when we have to think of ourselves, it's not selfishness, it's self preservation. A bit of healthy self love and self care, .

Speaking of which, I have got off to a good start with WW - lost 2.5 lbs. One small step to the new improved me.

DL. Your GSs girl does seem to be displaying narc tendencies. Even if she is not a full blown narc, she is worryingly naive and immature. One would hope her medical team spot the danger signs and she gets the support she is going to need, but given the current shortage of health visitors and social workers it doesn't look very hopeful. Your daughter and SIL must be worried sick, and you're not whinging,,,,,you're just a concerned and loving grandmother. You have a lot on your plate.

Smiles glad you enjoyed the party. We all need fun and good times, we all of us have so much sadness in our lives we need to jump at the chance of a little light relief now and then.

Life is short......

"Take the trip, buy the shoes, eat the cake" ❤️

I am truly done fretting over my son, losing sleep, making myself ill. I'm drawing that red velvet rope closer, taking better care of myself so I can heal from the abuse. I want to get stronger, fitter and healthier. Then when I'm ready I will get out there, socialise more, travel, build a new and more rewarding life.

It's high time. I'm 71. If not now, when. ?

Morning everyone.

No worries Norah, with so much going on some of us confuse ourselves .

Being GM and not mum does mean you're not directly in the firing line DL but as well know, it's upsetting and frustrating to see those we love in turmoil and there's nothing we can do.

It's such a shame that news that should bring happiness and joyful anticipation is being overshadowed like this. I suppose what your GS needs to do is decide whether or not he wants to set up home with her and his child, or provide financially for his child and have regular contact so he can be a dad.

From what you've told us, the latter would be the sensible choice and maybe the sooner she knew this, the better.

You're not whinging, you must be worried sick and with what's happening with your DH's children, you must feel as if you're living a nightmare .

Oh no, Whiff Mr. S. is no singer. Do you remember me telling you all how he was driving me mad while we were watching 'The Sound of Music' because he insisted in singing along!!!

You really are a very organised gardener, already planning ahead for your winter crop; good for you .

Did they say why they weren't coming DSL? That sense of relief at not having to see them demonstrates the extent of the damage they've done. You have to keep moving forward.

What a great start losing 2.5lbs well done, and there's nothing selfish about prioritising our own physical and emotional needs. Those that love us and desire our happiness not only understand but support us in these decisions. Those that don't, well they're not worth our time spent thinking about them.

We're off to our flat to do some more DIY. 'Those that splosh paint about together, stay together'.

No, it's just difficult when you're local and heavily involved with the GCs. Lovely at times, but it can get a bit overwhelming.

GS came here over the weekend, totally bemused and upset at all this drama and screaming. He has decided, wisely, that they cannot live together - she's a screamer and he can't cope with it all. Plus, he does understand that this would be a toxic and damaging environment for a child.

She's damaged from her childhood, plus her own personality is off kilter - not a good mix.

He's learning, the hard way, that a bit of sexual irresponsibility can have far reaching effects. He bitterly regrets it all now, but what's done is done.

So, all I can do is support DD, SIL and GS.

All have a good day. ?

DSL - well done on the weight loss, it's never easy! ?

Sorry your son didn't arrive, but I guess it makes for a quieter life.?

Sorry yes, my son did text me to tell me they weren't coming, but it was my response that really took me by surprise, the sense of relief was almost overwhelming. It tells me a great deal about how I really feel it all.

These last few years have seen me carrying a huge emotional burden, grief and loss, my husband, my Parents and latterly the fallout from my sons marriage. I'm putting that burden down now and moving forward.

DL. Good that your GS is beginning to think his way through it all. Poor lad, he's going to pay a high price for his mistakes.....but as is often the case, sometimes we have to learn life's lessons the hard way.

Rain forecast this afternoon so going to tackle some overgrown shrubs this morning, brown bin day this week so a good time to get it done.

Oh, it's sad though when we feel relief at not hearing from or seeing someone we should have a good relationship with.

Still, as you say, we have to get on with life as it is, and try and make the best of every day.

There's only so much we can all deal with.

Look after yourself.?

It is never selfish to put ourselves first for a change. As wives,mothers and grandmothers plus all our other titles. We always put other people's needs first . I know I always have. Since my move I put myself first my daughter said about time mom. And my son said the same thing before the estrangement. Plus both of them always said spend your money on yourself.

Before I moved even though I was on my own I didn't spend money on myself just spent it on things I had to.

But since my move I have never owned so many items of clothing. And that's due to my daughter encouraging me to try things on I wouldn't dream of when I was a size 32. But now top size really 14 but prefer a 16 and 16 on the bottom . I wear trousers everyday and don't worry about tops covering my bum.

My husband would say where's my wife and what have you done with her.

Before the estrangement my daughter in law helped me choose some clothes. That's why it was a shock to realise how much she hated me. Over the years she had shown me great kindness. Shows what a good actress she is.

My sister in law texts her sons ever week but they don't reply. Her youngest lived with her after her
ex husband left with her older son. When they put their house on the market her younger son moved in with his dad. Her oldest left home years ago and lives in the south west and has a very good job. Her youngest son has Asperger's and works for the council with computers. Like I used to she makes excuses why neither son texts her back. It's her mom's funeral next month I hope they both turn up to support her and their granddad. If they don't my brother will be having words with them. He is mad enough about my son and daughter in law. If they hurt his wife and father in law by not turning up the air will be blue with what he says to them both.

With zero contact with my son I have been spared what some of you are going through. I admire each and everyone of you as I don't know if I could cope with what you have to put up with.

DerbyshireLass brilliant weight loss. It's hard to lose weight . But the main thing is to realise it's a marathon not a sprint took me decades to realise that . Hence I have been on this weight lose journey since 2017 and haven't given up . If I only lose quarter pound a week I am happy same if I stay the same and if I put on it's a blip and carry on counting calories. I know one day I will lose the last stone and bit . If not this year then next.

No matter how old we get or what happens to us we can still learn new things and make changes in our life . And that's exciting.

Your GS's decision must be a relief DL, I hope he's able to stick to his guns for everyone's sake.

I am so upset and frightened. A 9 year old girl was shot in the road where my son and family live.

I don't know what to do.

Hard for you duster in law Whiff, thank goodness she has a loyal caring partner. I used to keep in touch my my d just the same, forever hopeful, until I eventually caved in. If the children don't turn up for the funeral I'm afraid they just don't care, no amount of disapproval will alter things I fear. At times I worry as I get older with friends persons dieing or winding down and seeing them less, who will be there for me.
DL I really think you gs is in an awful position with his partner, he has been trapped, know it takes two, young people don't consider the consequences in the heat of the moment. I think as a fire needs air, that girl needs drama, if no one panders to her, she might realise it's not all about her.
If I can just get all my silly hesitate ironies dirtied, I really want to volunteer a couple of sessions a week, give me something different to focus on.
Enjoy your day all.

I text my brother he has just phoned me. Feeling better. There is no point in my texting my son to check they are all ok as he won't reply. It's awful to thing that happened in a safe road. Hopefully they might decide to move. They have lived there since 2017. They own the house and have no mortgage.

Allsorts if neither of my sister in law's son's turn up my brother will explode.

Oh Whiff this is terrible. So shocked to hear this news and for you, having your son who isn't in contact and his family living where this incident took place must be terrifying.

There's nothing you can do. You've sent him important medical information and he hasn't responded so he's unlikely to respond if you contact him about this.

You're right Allsorts when they don't care, no amount of disapproval will make any difference.

I'm sure you'll have no problem finding somewhere to volunteer. It is good to have something outside of ourselves to focus on. I do, but for several months now I've been finding it a chore and struggle to get myself going

Well I must have slept in a funny position on Sunday because my neck was stiff and painful yesterday, and after a bad night because I couldn't get comfortable, this morning it's even worse.

Mr. S. bless him is driving into the nearest town this morning to get me some Deep Heat or Volterol to take the edge off the discomfort.

Feel like an old lady!!!

Just seen your post Whiff and good to know you're feeling better. The shock when you heard the news must have been horrible x.

Whiff - goodness, that must have been a shock. Hopefully, the police will catch him soon. There are unconfirmed reports that it was sone sort of domestic blow up. Poor child.?

Allsorts - yes, you are right. He's been a silly buggar, but paying for it now.?. I have, I think, convinced them all to suck the oxygen of drama out of it. They are just saying "whatever" to any outburst, which may help.

Volunteering sounds a great idea - most places are calling out for people.

Smiless - hope your back soon improves.

All have a nice day.?

Whiff no wonder you are upset and frightened. What an awful thing to happen.

If you feel able, in such exceptional circumstances, could you message your son and say you saw the news and hope they are all OK? Other than that I can't think what else you could do. So so sorry you have this dilemma and such fear and worry to deal with.

Thank you all. Madgran if I text my son he won't reply so no point .

Apparently 2 adults are in hospital it didn't say if they where critical or not. I assume they are the girls parents.

Allsorts volunteering sounds a great way to met new people especially if it's in a charity shop. Plus you would get to know regular customers.

Smiles hope you feel better soon. My exercise instructor always gets us to do neck exercises to warm up. As she says people forget how much we move our neck . I know since doing them I can now look over my left shoulder couldn't before.
All you do is look forward and gently turn your head one way back to the centre and then the other way. 10 times. Look straight ahead and slowly look up back to centre and then down 10 times. Last one look forward turn your head slowly and look at your pocket ,centre and other side 10 times.

I know you can't do it yet but once you have healed it might help and stop you hurting your neck in future.

It's so scary when we get that kind of news Whiff. Hard too if you have no means of finding out if those you care about are affected personally too. I'd hope your son would take the time to reassure you in that kind of situation, but you know him best.

I understand Whiff I didn't know if you might feel better for telling him you hope they are OK...but if you won't then best to just leave. X

Good Morning everyone.

My goodness Whiff.....what a terrible shock. No wonder you feel upset and frightened for your son and his family.

smiles....hope the neck improves soon.

Allsorts.....volunteering can be a really good way of getting out and about and meeting new people. What do you fancy.

Finally received the buyers enquiries yesterday, so I've just replied to those. Progress at last.

Other than that no news this end. Managed to get the gardens tidied up and the lawn mowed before it rained.

Need to tackle the paperwork mountain today. Ho hum. ?

Have a good day. ❤️

Hello from across the pond . For many years I was part of this group but stopped writing as I tired of listening to myself post about what could not be changed.
After 7 1/2 years my husband got a text, in the middle of a dinner party we were having a week ago, from his estranged son. He wrote to ask if they could talk and said his boys had no memory of his grandfather and were asking questions about him. He would like them to meet but I cannot be involved. This goes back to a perceived notion that a response to an email text was from me solely and not my husband. It came from my phone but was mostly dictated to me by my husband.
We will see what happens. I am okay with not being involved but hope I can see the step grandsons in the future as the older one I took care of for four years.

Well, what a lovely surprise Rhinestone it's really good to see your post; I've missed you.

Wow, that must have been a shock. Aren't they strange some of these EAC. It's been 7.5 years so of course your H's GS's have no memory of him and are unsurprisingly asking questions. What do they think's going to be the result of estranging?

Reminds me of the time our ES told his paternal GM they hadn't had a decent nights sleep for 5 years because there was no family support!!! Still makes me laugh.

Has he said how he feels about this? It may take him some time to get over the shock so he can think clearly. You're not his mum I know but this has been pretty horrible for you too. As you say, you looked after the eldest GS for 4 years, only to have him taken away.

I hope you'll let us know how this goes and you must have loads of interesting things that you've been up too to tell us about.

How's your mum? Do you still holiday in Florida? No don't tell me, I'll be jealous. You know how much I loved our villa there, I still miss it. Have you been accident free since we last saw you? You really suffered with your ankle injuries didn't you.

So good to see you; you've made my day x.