Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Whiff

I am so upset and frightened. A 9 year old girl was shot in the road where my son and family live.

I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry Whiff that sounds extremely upsetting for you.

I'm going to suggest however that you might want to get this post removed as it unwittingly outs where your son lives.

I hope that you get some peace over this situation soon.

Whiff, what a shocking crime this is. The area is a safe one but gangs know no boundaries. The chief Constable is speaking now. Let’s hope the perpetrators are caught and brought to justice

Summerlove will not delete any of my posts. In June 2020 my daughter in law trolled me on another forum thread. As I have never made a secret of my username as it's what my husband called me and never made a secret of where I live.

My daughter in law torn me to bits on her Reddit posts. Even going as far as posting FIL died to get away from MIL.

I only post on various threads what I have had experience off. My daughter in law makes no secret of where they live on Facebook and even posted pictures of my grandson.

This estrangement is not my choice or doing. So I write what I feel because here I can as the only person I could have said all the things to died in agony 18.5 years ago.

Your choice. I just wasn’t sure you had realised.

Ftr I wasn’t telling you not to post your feelings on this, just commenting on essentially posting their address.

Whiff

Summerlove will not delete any of my posts. In June 2020 my daughter in law trolled me on another forum thread. As I have never made a secret of my username as it's what my husband called me and never made a secret of where I live.

My daughter in law torn me to bits on her Reddit posts. Even going as far as posting FIL died to get away from MIL.

I only post on various threads what I have had experience off. My daughter in law makes no secret of where they live on Facebook and even posted pictures of my grandson.

This estrangement is not my choice or doing. So I write what I feel because here I can as the only person I could have said all the things to died in agony 18.5 years ago.

Whiff - I wouldn't worry.

I saw the news report of this tragic incident, and all I saw was a long road of houses, somewhere near Liverpool, where two unnamed neighbours were briefly interviewed.

I wouldn't have got any identifying information from it.

Hope you've got over the shock.?

Summerlove it's ok. I do know what I am doing . Where my son and family live it's a very long road full of families. It's a safe area so I have never had to worry. Unfortunately what happened was because someone was fleeing from a gun man and they went into the house. It had nothing to do with the people who lived there. It's a terrible tragedy that should never have happened. But as we all know bad things happen to good people. It's always the innocent who suffer never the guilty.

Yesterday talking to my brother I had another shock as he had found a lump and had a scan on Monday luckily it was all clear. So double shock Tuesday.

DiamondLily thank you. You have enough to worry about yourself.

As you get older you think life should get easier but it doesn't. You think all the things you have had to coped with in the past now finally you can start to relax but I have found more things to worry about and no doubt there will be more ahead of me. But I just get on with things. Can't do anything else and I intend to live my life to the full for as long as I can.

Last week had a weird thing happen to my legs . I started a pain flare on Monday which I am used to but Wednesday and Thursday had trouble walking . I have to look at my feet when walking and concentrate on making them face forward. But for some unknown reason the only way my left leg would work was by flicking it forward and I was ultra slow . Luckily Friday I was back to my normal me. Speaking to my neurologists secretary today over something else but will mention it. As it's a new thing that hasn't happened before. Hopefully it won't happen again .

Anyway got my exercise class today next week is the last class. So have been researching where there is another one I can join. Hopefully get that in place ready to start after next week .

Had my boiler service yesterday it's in full working order. But this year already decided to turn the temp down from 22 to 20 and just wear extra clothes in the winter.

Picked more tomatoes. I have 2 peppers on one of my plants which was a nice surprise as I didn't think I would have any. The plants have grown and had plenty of flowers. Have 3 butternut squash growing another surprise as they had plenty of flowers but no fruit until now.

Don't forget the postal workers are going on strike one day this week and next .

It's like the 70's again with all the strikes.

Well rambled on enough. Hope all house sales are going through and decluttering and packing is under way as it takes longer than you think.

Have a good day everyone .

Whiff - I've got a neurological disease, (not the same as yours), and sometimes, my limbs do weird things, and then, sooner or later, revert to normal.

As my neurologist says, the brain can do weird things at time! Hope it's ok now.

As for fuel bills, luckily I fixed for 2 years last September for gas and electricity, before all this chaos started, so I should be protected a bit this winter.

Looking at some of the posts on MN, and what they are now being asked to pay, monthly, is hair raising.?

Some of these young families are really going to be in trouble unless our useless government does something substantial.?

Hopefully, someone will tell the police who that gunman was - at the moment, people aren't talking, it seems.

Poor family. ?

All have a good day.?

Morning everyone.

Hope the conversation with your neurologist's secretary was productive Whiff and that you've managed to find another exercise class to join.

I'll be making an appointment to have our boiler services when we get home, and will have to do the same for the one at the lodge. We were due to go home Sunday but our vicar is having an 'open house' on Saturday and has tugged at my heart strings sufficiently for me to change our plans and go home tomorrow. I'll be able to go to her's Saturday morning and give her a hand to get ready.

I'm so impressed with your gardening skills, and to think your DH said you had a black thumb. If you go on like this, you could have your own little market garden!!!

It's frightening isn't it DL. We're building a credit balance in readiness for winter but are still worried about what our bills might be. We could spend more time here of course and then there's our flat both of which are much smaller so cheaper to heat than the house but I'm hoping it wont come to that.

Good that you have some protection from high bills for this winter. It must be very worrying for so many especially as you say for young families.

There was something on tv the other day about the cost of school uniforms. You forget don't you how much you spent kitting them out at the beginning of the new school year.

Smiles my neurologists secretary was very helpful. When I said yesterday to our instructor it will be our last class next we she smiled and said we will see? So will have to find out next week what is going on.

How is your neck ? Hope it's feeling better. We did a killer exercise yesterday. We sat at the front of a chair and matched then had to go very fast for 10 secs did this 4 times. Sounds easy but it kills your thighs. Followed but standing up and doing 20 squats. All the hour was taken up with exercises to strengthen your muscles. But I love it and we all turn up ever week for more torture? . We earn our tea and biscuits. Taking brownies next week as our treat.

My credit is building nicely on my energy ready for the winter. Will only have my radiators on 20 instead of 22 just wear layers of clothes. Remember reading years ago lots of thin layers trap in more heat. Luckily my bungalow stays lovely and warm. Never have heating on through the night. Don't get the snow like the Midlands. It's too windy for it to settle for long.

I do love my garden and pleased have my greenhouse. My friends at craft group who I gave my spare runner beans plants to have been picking their beans. Apart from potatoes will be growing everything from seed this time. As I am a planner already got a list of when to start the seeds off. Hopefully get in the garden tomorrow and clean the panels ready to insulate my greenhouse once my toms and peppers have finished . Plus weeding.

My daughter's eldest has to have proper shirts for his uniform. Lot of primary schools have polo shirts but not the school he is going to. He is learning how to do up all the buttons at least his tie is on elastic. At least supermarkets etc sell school clothes. For our children it was an uniform shop cost a fortune. Mine you think blazers for high schools are still from a uniform shop or the school and they range between £50-£100 depending on the school.

Got my craft group this afternoon.

Enjoy yourselves tomorrow at your vicars open house.

My neck's a lot better thanks Whiff. I'm glad she was helpful and I hope your minds been put at ease.

Squats are great for strengthening leg muscles and toning thighs and bottoms, if you do them regularly it's surprising how quickly you see the results.

Polo shirts are so much easier for the children and their mums. Bless him, learning to do up the buttons. At least he doesn't have to learn to tie a tie, that was second only to learning how to tie laces when our boys were little. Ties on elastic and velcro are so much easier aren't they.

Vicar's open house is on Saturday and she ensures me she has plenty of gin so it should be a good do. She's great fun and has become a good friend, well I wouldn't go home early for just anybody.

?Smiles don't know why I thought today was Friday . As I have been to craft group and it's always on Thursday. I always know the date but the days can get muggled.

Not looking forward to the high bill either, I definitely won’t be heating rooms I don’t use, will turn down thermostat, not have it on so long and wear layers.
My school you had to wear ties, never forgotten how to do so many different knots. I love to see the little ones going up to school on their first day, everything’s looks a little large, they so tiny. I had to buy my childrens uniforms from a dedicated supplier, it nearly broke the bank, now a days you can get them cheaply from supermarkets.

The school uniforms are so much more comfortable now with polo shirts and sweatshirts etc. My school uniform was horrendous, full pleated skirts, stiff collars and tie, itchy heavy blazer, the truly awful school hat, and the voluminous gym knickers.
We were only to wear white ankle socks and in the winter we all had legs like corned beef from the cold.

Hi all,

Just been catching up on everyone's news. I'm so sorry to hear about the shooting Whiff.

Sorry can't respond to everything atm. I'm in full-on crazy house mode atm.

Our sellers - who thought they had no sewerage provision then produced a bill that seemed to confirm they didn't - there was no sewerage or drainage mentioned. Which caused a fair bit of panic I must say. The searches were inconclusive. In the end we got the proper bill. The one they first sent us was a separate bill for some arrears. They have been totally confused and hapless so we've had to chase every scrap of information and triple-check it. Thought we'd finally got there and were ready to arrange a date and now they're bogging off on holiday. Sheesh. Meanwhile cracking on with packing and hoping that a half-sketched in date will somehow get verified.

Hugshelp, it all sounds up in the air but everyone that does it says the stress is bad for awhile, hopefully all will fall into place.
Whiff, I suppose with all thats gone on plus your holiday things you probably haven’t got into your usual routine.
Didn’t know your neck was bad Smileless, sometimes I can’t quite catch up if I’ve been stressed or rushing around and miss something. Hope it’s sorted now. This eighteen months has been nothing but joint problems, which I think now is as good as it’s going to be. I feel frightened of the future as to how I will manage, however keep shelving it and moving on.
Hope you all have a good day.

Good morning all.

All quite here, as everyone is either on holiday, or ignoring us lol ?

Hoping for a quiet weekend.

The new price cap took my breath away, especially as the next one will be announced in two months. ?. Luckily, we are on fixed tariffs until next July. A lot of families will struggle though.

Positive that they have arrested someone for the murder of the little girl. Hopefully, it'll be the right person.

Not much good news around though. The country feels very depressed at the moment.?

All have a lovely day. ?

Bumping this thread up for someone who may benefit from a friendly, understanding chat.
Hope that's ok?

As above.

Thanks MissA and Sweetpeasue bump away .

Back home from the lodge, everything put away so just a food shop to do now. We always take cars when we go so if Mr. S. is bowling, I'm not restricted to staying on site. So I follow him as the dogs are in the back of his car and every time we stop, their little heads pop up to look through the rear window. So cute and always makes me smile.

My neck's OK now thanks Allsorts. The little ones do look lovely don't they in their new school uniforms. Brings back lovely memories of when our boys were small.

It is worrying isn't it, the thought of spending so much income just keeping warm is depressing and like you, I'm shelving it too. We're building up a credit and I know we're lucky to be able to do that.

I'm going to get another clothes airer and try not to use my tumble dryer unless absolutely necessary. Apparently, you can make quite a saving so I'll have to be disciplined. Not very good at discipline though.

I wonder what the sellers thought was happening to their sewage hugs. Do they think there's a 'sewage fairy' who was making theirs simply disappear? They do seem to be struggling with all of this don't they which means you have to work twice as hard to get things sorted.

How long are they on holiday for and why couldn't they have agreed a date before going away. I think your sheesh exclamation is very controlled TBH.

Hope you get your quiet weekend DL there really is something to be said for being ignored isn't there; depending of course on whose doing the ignoring.

There is a sense of anxiety and depression atm I agree. It is good news that they've got someone in custody for that dreadful crime. Let's hope they've got the right bastard man and when they lock him up, they throw away the key.

Yes, I do feel that we need a weekend off, it's been very full on lately.?

Yes, hope they've got the right person, that poor family.

I'm not very disciplined with electrics - I like to wash, dry and iron stuff pretty quick, and get it put away. Our electric DD is £100 per month, at the moment, and I'm hoping it stays about the same. I've had coolers blasting out 24/7 for many weeks, but I can't do anything else with this sweating.?

Our gas use is pretty low, as we're well insulated and I'm constantly hot - we spend the winter with DH whacking up the thermostat and me whacking it down.?

Lakeland apparently do very good heated airers, but I've never used one, so I don't really know. They get good reviews.

I'm getting new electric cooker next week, as the old one kept turning itself off and sulking (like a lot of the relatives lol), and the new one is apparently low energy, so that might help.

Oh well, can't change anything, so on we go.?

Today on Woman's Hour was a woman saying she was hated pre-birth and afterwards, as an unwanted extra child her resentful parents would have aborted if possible.

So an author with a book to promote (does BBC ever willingly interview anyone who doesn't?) was wheeled in to inform the listeners that a man called Bowlby had named something he called 'attachment'.

He concluded that babies like loving mothers. How's that for mansplaining?!

(Vaguely remember his cruel experiments on monkeys)

Book-promoter elaborated that people deprived of any experience of attachment find it difficult to know the way to form attachments and friendships as easily as others.

(Wow, hooda thought it?)

She announced that they tend towards isolation, and, never having belonged, are inexpert at belonging.

(Yes, she worked that out all by herself, without Mr. Bowlby)

Her 'expert opinion' is along these lines:

After no experience of close, confiding, supportive, trusting, encouraging relationships within their family, they are inevitably inexpert at forming close, confiding, supportive, trusting, encouraging relationships.

They don't feel confidently assured they 'belong' in groups.

They might lack confidence and high esteem, after a lifetime without any such relationships.

They might even suspect themselves to be 'faulty', which they are not.

They should therefore 'cure' their obvious 'faultinesss'. (!!??)

This, they can easily do, by "confiding in some of their closest, trusted friends". (Again, !!??)

Also, participating in the social groups they 'belong' in. (That's the triple hat trick !!??)

Can you spot the logic gaps? The interviewer didn't.

Well, I get that babies need to be cared for and nurtured.?

But, to be honest, I’ve never heard of the author, I think there are too many interviews and podcasts, stating the bleeding obvious, and I can’t get much deeper than that with it.?

As I have said before my dad was beaten and malnourished as a child by his dad and stepmother My husband was never loved or given any attention from his parents.

But you wouldn't have found a better pair of men. Both gave love and attention not just to family but others. My dad was in the St John's ambulance brigade for 30 years my husband the scouts then becoming a scout and adventure scout leader for nearly 15 years.

Both knew what a real family was once dad met mom and my husband me.

How you are brought up as a child doesn't mean you follow the actions of your parents.

My husband's parents where awful but he never gave up on them . He didn't like them but loved them because they where his parents. No matter what they did or say he never gave up and therefore neither did I. His mother out lived my husband by 11 years.

My dad's siblings always had birthday and Christmas presents because of my mom and her family.

It's like when I had both our children. The experts said babies born by c section or weren't breast feed didn't grow up with a close bond with their mothers. What utter rubbish . Both my children were born by c section and bottle feed.

Haven't seen my son since April 2020 but he decided he didn't need his mom in his or families life. He's choice not mine. He is still my son and I have 3 grandson's with him and my daughter in law. And always will be.

Both our children where brought up the same. See my daughter and 2 grandson's every week and my son in law if they visit of a weekend.

My son hasn't just dumped me but all our side of the family. My grandson's only know they have one nannie and no granddad's . The oldest 2 are to young to remember me and I never got to know their youngest.

The only book I have ever read about estrangement was written by someone going through it and talked to others in the same position. It was recommended by 2 of the posts on the support thread. Sharon A Wildey
Abandoned Parents: The Devil's Dilemma. Its well worth a read.

Loads of babies are unplanned but loved. You can bring two children up exactly the same and they are chalk and cheese. People bought up in the care system who had dreadful starts in life turn into brilliant parents, give all the live denied them to their own children. Anyone can come up some theory or other and a lot are talking rubbish. It's down to the individual.