Frightened I will never see her or overcome this block

Ironflower … Thank you for coming back and explaining your perspective again.
It is brave of you, considering the post was deleted.
No idea why.

Yes I'm all for a kinder and more welcoming culture here.

I'm so sorry you were put through such a bad time.

People often hide behind the caveat that they are 'helping' some one by pointing out something or the other that they don't agree with.
Kindness thoughtfulness, and genuine sincerity are the first characteristics needed before someone can offer up their opinions as 'advice'.

|Madgran … Thank you for quoting and reposting Ironflower. I totally agree with your reasons why.

It's the truth. Even if it isn't Smileless you haven't acknowledged my point or answered the question which is something that bothers you when others do it to you.

Namsnanny it was a joke. Besides in not arguing, I'm just trying to explain my point and gave it understood. Was it you that said reversing what people say is a valid way of arguing a point? Because that is not how it's being done. People talking about their experience is not any kind of argument that needs a reverse perspective.

It also teaches us that something that fails to evolve, becomes extinct Namsnanny.

As we were all informed by Carigransnet this is a thread for support and not for airing personal disagreements including those that have no basis in truth.

Yes we fell out but not for the reasons you insist on repeating over and over again. For goodness sake, let it go and if you can't, stop dragging it up.

27th April 21.48 Starblaze …^I figured she'd asked for it to go, I mean who would want to be involved in this nonsense?^

You've posted 4 times since the above!

rosecarmel … Very colourful prose.

With regards to your comments on misery, I should have thought dwelling on something for too long, is a form of misery, and misery can't possibly be a path to a healthy mind.
Which in turn would lead to forgiveness and freedom.

As for dinosaurs, I love fossils, archaeology and the science of evolution.
It teaches us that things are forever changing, and as such reveal more mysteries than we could ever guess at.

You and another poster constantly doing that to me was why I felt harassed and we fell out in the first place Smileless

Its pointless because it is rude and invalidating and adds nothing to what the poster was originally trying to say

Unless the point is deliberately being rude and invalidating.

When people tell you doing something hurts them and explains to you why it is rude, invalidating and pointless is this your usual response?

You can do that if you like although I don't know why you'd want too having previously told me that doing so was pointless.

Smileless neither estranged parents or estranged children are innocent of this but you only hold estranged children to account. So are you going to agree that both sides are suffering and both need to be pulled up for making generalised statements or nasty comments or laughing at others pain? Also are you going to agree that reversing statements, made by hurt people that only sound like a generalised comment when they are talking about their experience and pain, is wrong?
Especially when they just have the reverse thrown at them instead of any actual empathy and understanding.

Or maybe for the next week I could reverse every single statement that does the same by an EP so you can see just how invalidating and upsetting it is.

Actually I am not sure I could bring mine myself to do that. But the point needs to be heard and understood.

I actually find it more upsetting when I see it happening to someone else and I know from the pm's I receive that other GN's feel the same especially when the 'victim' never comes back again.

Lol

As you say Madgran "Exactly". I'm glad you re posted more or less what you'd posted previously Ironflower.

I'm often reminded particularly when reading the estrangement threads of the advice Thumper was given by his mum in Disney's 'Bambi' that she gets him to recite back to her; "if you can't say something nice then don't say nothing at all".

A reasoned argument or point of view is lost when it can't be expressed without name calling and personal abuse. It isn't nice to see unpleasant posts directed at another poster and TBH when they're directed at me I prefer them to remain un deleted. They say everything that needs to be said about the poster who makes them.

My post was basically asking people to be nicer, because you don't know what others are going through. That people won't listen if you abuse them. *Yes you need to give them the truth but in a gentle way. Calling people names or accusing them will never get them to listen (same as calling someone fat doesn't help them lose weight). If you really want to help people then encourage them to see your point of view, not put them down. The last post was not removed because of any insults or anything like that.*
Ironflower Exactly!!

There aren't many people here I genuinely don't like. There are a lot of people I don't agree with on some topics but having different opinions just makes people more interesting and there are other topics I do agree with them on.

I simply won't stand for being told I've said things I haven't, what I mean, what I think or what I feel. I certainly won't stand for mind games. I won't stand for being expected to follow certain rules which don't apply to those who are in "good graces".

This isn't a game it's people's real lives am I try to be respectful.

My mum is abusive and awful. After everything she has done to me, I still wouldn't aim anything back at her. I won't reveal her awfulness to her support system that should have been mine too.

I will however defend who I am here and I won't leave either.

The only way I can do that is to estrange people here who I value.

Anyway, I really am sorry you were attacked here and I am glad you did get the support you needed.

Insert a would in there ... wherever ..

On a scale of 1-2, where you place name calling and blame? Or are they equal?

Namsnanny, I agree- I'm sure misery could be considered a path, a well worn, circular groove that gets deeper with each revolution- Meandering past roots, agitated gophers and dinosaur bones- On clear evenings one could see one half of Cassiopeia as the earth unhurriedly spins ..

Never said anywhere that it invalidated it. All I said was that everyone should be nicer. If people are truly here to support others then they wouldn't be attacking or accusing. The comments directed at smileless earlier were uncalled for (I believe one or some were removed). People can disagree with people without falling into namecalling. Not directing this at you starblaze, its a general comment to all the meanness I keep seeing

What happened Ironflower? When? Someone being kind to you doesn't invalidate that I didn't have the same experience with the same person though. I actually thought I was making friends here until it suddenly changed which was painful at the time.

For example, when I shared my story. Most of you beat me down, insulted me and made me feel 100x worse. This didn't help me at all, I just sank into more depression (especially at 9 months pregnant). Smileless was the person that helped me. Instead of insulting me, she lifted me up to realise that I didn't owe my parents anything and that I could move away from them. Note that there were others with lovely messages too

Nope I can't actually mention why it was deleted because then this will be deleted lol. My post was basically asking people to be nicer, because you don't know what others are going through. That people won't listen if you abuse them. Yes you need to give them the truth but in a gentle way. Calling people names or accusing them will never get them to listen (same as calling someone fat doesn't help them lose weight). If you really want to help people then encourage them to see your point of view, not put them down. The last post was not removed because of any insults or anything like that.

I figured she asked for it to go, I mean, who would want to be involved with this nonsense?

Made myself laugh

Anyone know why Ironflower message was deleted?

Smileless

So as well as being a seamstress you are now a model Madgran. I always knew you were a lady of many talents.

That make sense, 2 of my friends are now making them too