Feeling guilty

I visit my 101yr old mother twice a week to do her shopping and to make sure she is ok. She is quite frail but does most things for herself, apart from shopping. She has no other visitors/carers whatsoever. My sister phones her daily and I phone on the days I don’t see her. Not sure what other choice I have but although over 70 at least I am quite fit and healthy.

Polnan : you sound as if you are struggling at the moment, as you have written you are in tears and you are so lonely you hint about dying and how you want it to be quick and peaceful. I do hope you are feeling better.

I am sure that a visit from your DIL would be a good idea and that could be used as her exercise time out of her house which we are all permitted to do. She could not come into the house but she could talk to you at a distance. Does she phone you? next time you talk to her tell her to visit.

As you have self-isolated I do hope someone is delivering food and toiletries to you and you caring for yourself.

Mrsdof: do you actually go in to see your mother ?

Anne107: you should not feel guilty for following the rules.

I understand how hard it must be for those with elderly lone parents but agree with everyone who has urged people in that situation to not visit and to stay at home. Visiting, whether for one day or one week is irresponsible.

Phone calls, video calls are the only safe option. Cards sent by post would also be a nice touch to stay connected. Dropping off shopping, suitably distant live chat from an open window, if the relative delivering the shopping is allowed to go out, are the only additional options.

Polnan Your post really upset me you sound so down,a visit from your DIL will benefit both of you she could cycle to your home leave anything she is bringing to you outside and you could possibly talk to each other through a window at a safe distance,my DD called into my front garden and stood at the bottom of the garden and we chatted for 10mins before she walked her dog home.
Ican't understand people who are going into homes to visit with other visitors such as carers the virus will spread it has no bounderies and will attack anyone so keep isolated as instructed .

First time posting...my mum is 99 and lives on her own, my sister who is 71 lives next close to her ..my mum thank goodness get meals on wheels at tea time ..to keep her safe my sister and I made a decision for only one of us to go in..my sister gets shopping delivered for herself and mum and pops through with it for her and she goes through and changes her bed and does anything that needs done ..But not everyday...My mum is very able for her age and has no one else going in. We chat all the time in the phone...but we made this decision to keep her safe

WeeGranny they are rulebreaking civil laws!

No-one had better complain about the government continually harping on about staying home when there are still people as thick as shit around.

Latest news means you CAN visit rellies in care homes.

Gov backtracking.

That meant Government not Gove.

I may have misunderstood but I think it is special provision to enable a relative to be with the dying, not a free for all visiting provision.

If Im wrong, I’m wrong, but if I’m right I hope other people haven’t got it wrong too.

You could have isolated together.

It's your sister who should be feeling guilty, not you.
Too little is known by the experts about this illness and even less is known by Joe Public so why do so many people think it'll be ok to mix with others?
How guilty will your sister feel if she inadvertently passes the virus to your mother? Tell her to stay at home.
Nobody can die from loneliness.

The important thing is she is getting the care she needs already. Don't feel guilty. I'm immune compromised so I'm not going anywhere. Your life is important don't take any risks. I think women have guilt built into their psyche by generations of social conditioning.

The instructions are, only have contact with those who live in the same house as you.

Nobody should be visiting a family member at this time.

Polnan: I am so sorry how you are feeling. I have my bad days and then good days. I suppose in a way I have been on my own since the loss of my husband in 2008 so I am kind of used to being alone although I really do miss cuddling and kissing my grandchildren but we do FaceTime which does lift me. Also the fact the choice has been taken from me in that I cannot meet friends and family but I do thank god for technology, I watch TV, do a little art and I have even decided to ‘try’ and learn the piano keyboard and already able to play twinkle twinkle little star ?? I am forever on phone texting to family and ‘WhatsUp’ groups. I do miss also the walking as I simply will not go out at moment (I am too scared to go out) . Must admit wish I did have a garden but I am on ground floor flat with a nice little view of trees ? and green grass - I have made friends with some birds and 2 little squirrels ? oh and I have my buddy Shadow my cat who has been with me now for almost 12 years. If you want to email me please do at [email protected] And we can exchange our thoughts etc. Please keep safe xx

Thank you all for your replies. Yes I should not feel guilty and I am following the guidelines as instructed. Please all keep safe. Love from Anne xx

ClaireFontaine. I have no choice but to go in to her flat as she would not be able to carry the shopping in. I do my best to keep 2 metres away from her but she does not always appreciate the importance of this

How can I leave her to starve - very difficult