Sister is Weird about Christmas & Doesn't Like Her Family

RosiesMaw2

Esperanza1974

RosiesMaw - re. older people, it's called Gransnet?? I wasn't expecting a bunch of teens!

Maybe not but there are grans in their 50's even 40's and I dont know how much they would like to be referred to as "older people"
Getting back to your sister though, why did you think she would be different thuis year?
And has there always been this huge geographical distance? 3500 miles is too far to go for 3 days!

No, of course I don't travel that far for just three days. I have always stayed at my parents' house for a couple of weeks each time. And since my mum died, for longer, to be with my dad, and for many months during his illness.

He died so recently that the house isn't even on the market yet. So I still have it to stay in. I'm going there soon and will probably stay for most of January, to sort through the fifty years of stuff and get it ready to sell. Had I been invited to my sister's, I would have gone for three days, and would have been happy to stay in a hotel nearby to make things easier for her.

To be clear, when my parents visited me so far away, it was always for at least two weeks, and when I went home, it was also for at least two weeks. Definitely not travelling that far for three days.

OldFrill

Esperanza1974

And I don't think she's ever had our parents at her house for as long as a week. It's usually three days. The exception was on my Dad's first Christmas after our mum died. It was her turn to spend Christmas with him, and he stayed for ten days over Christmas and New Year, given that his wife of 54 years had died. She squealed like a stuck pig about it. (To me.) She seethed resentment about having her elderly freshly-widowed father to stay for ten days over the festive season. I just cannot understand such a lack of generosity and empathy. She's allergic to family and always has been. It's so odd. I mean, it's not like people live forever. Why does she view so many people so negatively? I'll never understand.

I could never have had my father for ten days, maybe a long weekend at a push. Frankly, we didn't much like each other.

Yeah, well, I guess my sister doesn't like her family either, except her spouse and kids. Both parents are dead now, as of three months ago, so she's free at last!

Esperanza1974

OldFrill

Esperanza1974

And I don't think she's ever had our parents at her house for as long as a week. It's usually three days. The exception was on my Dad's first Christmas after our mum died. It was her turn to spend Christmas with him, and he stayed for ten days over Christmas and New Year, given that his wife of 54 years had died. She squealed like a stuck pig about it. (To me.) She seethed resentment about having her elderly freshly-widowed father to stay for ten days over the festive season. I just cannot understand such a lack of generosity and empathy. She's allergic to family and always has been. It's so odd. I mean, it's not like people live forever. Why does she view so many people so negatively? I'll never understand.

I could never have had my father for ten days, maybe a long weekend at a push. Frankly, we didn't much like each other.

Yeah, well, I guess my sister doesn't like her family either, except her spouse and kids. Both parents are dead now, as of three months ago, so she's free at last!

Have you considered counselling?

OldFrill

Esperanza1974

OldFrill

Esperanza1974

And I don't think she's ever had our parents at her house for as long as a week. It's usually three days. The exception was on my Dad's first Christmas after our mum died. It was her turn to spend Christmas with him, and he stayed for ten days over Christmas and New Year, given that his wife of 54 years had died. She squealed like a stuck pig about it. (To me.) She seethed resentment about having her elderly freshly-widowed father to stay for ten days over the festive season. I just cannot understand such a lack of generosity and empathy. She's allergic to family and always has been. It's so odd. I mean, it's not like people live forever. Why does she view so many people so negatively? I'll never understand.

I could never have had my father for ten days, maybe a long weekend at a push. Frankly, we didn't much like each other.

Yeah, well, I guess my sister doesn't like her family either, except her spouse and kids. Both parents are dead now, as of three months ago, so she's free at last!

Have you considered counselling?

In this situation, I think detaching from her and her ways is the best way to go. She is the way she is - hard, callous, and cold - and I don't see the point in paying money to focus on her more. This thread has made me see that we owe each other nothing, so I'll just get on with my life. At least I know where I stand with her, and I'll act accordingly in future. I know to make my own Christmas plans.

And yes, I think that someone who won't have their dying father for Christmas, nor their sister, who does not have a husband and kids to help her through the death of the second parent, is hard, callous, and cold. I hope her behaviour comes back to bite her in the arse bigtime one day.

Meanwhile, the rest of my life beckons!

So basically, she's free of me and both her parents. Just her MIL and FIL to go, and she'll be all set! 🤣

Naturally she wants me to host her for 7-14 days in the beautiful part of the world I live in, when she won't even have me for three days at Christmas when I have no parents, partner, or kids. Even though I'd have been totally happy to stay in a nearby hotel.🙄

I wonder if the way to tolerate unwanted visitors may be to pretend to be an employee in a good hotel who simply has to put on an act of actually liking the job at all times.

Caleo

I wonder if the way to tolerate unwanted visitors may be to pretend to be an employee in a good hotel who simply has to put on an act of actually liking the job at all times.

Yep! Done that a few times!