Am I wrong to feel hurt about this?

Growing0ldDisgracefully

LtEve, that made me laugh, that's the sort of thing my Dad would have done, and not because his mental health was in question, but because he and his friends had the same warped sense of humour!

My dad had the same sort of humour. When he died the undertaker was a friend of his.
The cemetery was by the sea, the mists rolled in and thunder clapped. The undertaker whispered to me wouldn't W... have laughed at all you silly b... standing in the thunder and lightning.
We had already had a laugh as my mother had requested he be buried beside friends hard when he was from somewhere else and the cemetery was split for different denominations, my mother put him where her religion was.
He wouldn't have cared he and his friends always said they wanted to go on the Ash car/Refuse lorry.

A friend’s well-off divorced father gave her a pocket camera for a milestone birthday. It was boxed and wrapped as if it was new. However he had omitted to delete 3 years of his photos.

When my son was little, he received an annual from a godparent with the puzzles filled in, and an inscription in the front to anotherchild! He also received games with pieces missing. I have a friend who frequently gives out of date chocolates, and undrinkable wine. Oh well, tis the season of goodwill, it's the thought that counts, as they say!

My hard up gran always re gifted all her presents from everybody .
When she died we discovered her notebook detailing each and every gift from and to , so she wouldn't upset anyone , she'd kept a record for over 20 years

After much soul searching and after two years of virtual isolation I was persuaded to go to my daughter for Christmas in London. I don’t think Santa had been using his hand sanitiser as apart from my SIL we all have Covid. Not the Christmas present we would have wished for!

When someone appears to do something hurtful or act in a hurtful way, I have often found that the reason for their behaviour is not necessarily aimed at the person specifically but more a sign of their own hurt, perception, worry, distraction or concern. Did you friend have a lot on her mind when she was organising her gifts? Was she worried or distracted at that time? Was she really busy dealing with other things which stopped her from giving her full attention to what she was doing?

I wouldn't take this personally, especially if it is unusual behaviour for her. We never know what is going on in other people's lives, or what makes them act the way they do at any particular time. Certainly if she is asking for some gifts back, then somehow it does sound as if she was very distracted when she handed the gifts to you. Or perhaps she would happily drink out of date tea? Who knows?

I would shake it off and keep your friendship intact.

I was at DD2 for Christmas Day and we were opening presents. She showed me a beautifully wrapped and decorated gift from her best friend, and began to unwrap it. Was it a fragranced candle? A beauty set? Expensive chocolates? All items given by her friend in the past. As layers came off, my DD2's face was a picture as she took off the last ribbon and wrap to reveal - a large box of drinking straws!

A friend of my daughter was given a lottery ticket by her very rich mother in law!

I have a 94year old friend and she does things like this. It's the fact that I give her some homemaking at Christmas and like most of that generation she feel she has to give something in return. Smile accept it greatfully and understand the sentiment behind it. My most embarrassing Christmas was taking a present to a neighbours daughter on Christmas Eve. (The daughter almost lived in my house ) her mum and dad obviously felt they needed to give something in return and asked me to sit in the kitchen while they went upstairs. About 10 minutes later they returned with 10 pounds and told me to buy my daughter's something. I accepted but was very embarrassed and I wished they had just accepted the present for their daughter. Thanks would have done.

OP I too would find it difficult not to feel slightly hurt by this.

Probably the best thing is to ignore it, apart from returning the gift your friend has had the nerve to ask for back.

As next Christmas approaches, I would suggest dropping gifts. You don't have to give a reason, although you might want to say you are finding it increasingly difficult to find small gifts that are actually worth giving anyone, which in my opinion is true enough.

We were hurt the year before my mother died when she was slightly senile, when she gave DH an Advent calendar clearly marked 50p and me a string of fairy lights I had no use for. I know it is the thought that counts, but clearly no thought had gone into this.

Regifting - oh no! Unless you have a very good memory or write down who you got things from the chances are you will at some point give someone their last year's present to you.

If I can't change a present I have no use for, I offer it to friends (excepting the person who gave me it) saying quite frankly, "Would you like this? My sister-in-law gave us it, although she should know that neither of us drinks tea."

That way the friend I offer it, knows it was a present I do not want, and offered it on an ordinary week-day instead of at Christmas or her birthday is less likely to be hurt by having something passed on.

Going shopping without our reading glasses! We all do it, don't we? But that really is no excuse for not checking what we actually have bought when we get home, is it?

The regifting stories remind me of a Margaret Atwood short story about a family who passed around a bottle of Evening in Paris perfume every Christmas and birthday. It was a family joke and they looked forward to seeing who would get it next time. My own family do it with a particularly awful cookbook. Sadly I’ve never received it yet.

Had a Xmas present a few years back from a friend underneath was a note. Given to me from Mary 2018 . Obviously a gift she’d kept and didn’t want .

One Christmas my sister gave me a really beautiful scarf. I messaged her (she lived abroad) to thank her and told her I would be wearing it when I went to the ballet in the New Year as it was so smart.
My sister messaged me after the New Year to ask - not about the ballet - but to enquire about the scarf and if I had enjoyed wearing it. I didn't like to tell her that I'd found it a bit scratchy and it didn't seem to drape all that well. However, I did love it, and I had been wearing it for years before I discovered that it was, in fact, a table runner!

nadateturbe

My SiL one year gave me the free gift of miniatures in a zip bag that you got when you purchased a certain number of No 7 products. I knrw because I already had it.
My best friend gave me two sake bowls and saucers this year identical to the ones she gave me about 5 years ago which I gave to the charity shop. They aren't on sale now. Must have got a good reduced price on them. I love her. She's a great friend. I just thanked her.

Perhaps she bought them from the charity shop and thought they'd make up the set?

I remember my aunt sending my brothers new wife a child's jewellery set. The type of thing you get in a pound shop, made from plastic and stuck to a card. We laughed it off.

My dear sweet MiL was/is (now in residential care) highly religious and once gave all the grandchildren religious colouring books and pencils - the youngest was in her late teens, the oldest was in her late thirties

I have had three MILs. The first one once gave me a gift which when I opened it had a little card inside saying 'Love from Flo' (her name was not Flo!). My second one used to accept any gift I/we gave her with thanks - I always tried to give something useful. When she died, we found a drawer full of the gifts we'd given - all unused. My third MIL, very rich, on the 1st Christmas gave me a £100 voucher so I was very pleased, but after that she obviously gave me things that she had been given, all weird like a carpet bag. I don't get too worried about gifts I don't like - I pass them on if I can, or give them to the charity shop.

@ BlueBelle maybe 1 year at a push 2 but nearly 2 decades, I’m pretty sure it’s really well past it’s best!

It might see as y a lot by the giver, that their bargain hunting is super efficient!!! ??

All I got one year, from my now ex husband, was a set of car wheel trims. The huge box kept me guessing for days sitting under the tree, so when I opened it I could of chucked them at him. Idiot!

Georgesgran

My SiL is a law unto herself and must shop with her eyes shut. My birthday card was for a 75th when I was 70 in March. I’m also aware that if she doesn’t like what someone has asked for - she’ll ignore it and get them something she likes. I was grateful she’d taken notice and gave me a bottle of Obsession perfume, but on examination it’s Obsession for Men!

Sounds as though she might have looked for Obsession on EBay!

I think she should be invited over for tea! hahaha

As for funny gift memories, to this day I still giggle over my sweet aunt giving me one of those little kid plastic mirror, comb and soft brush sets in hot pink sparkles one Christmas...the same year I married. lol

We befriended a childless couple in their 80s who live nearby. We enjoy their company and they look after the house and garden when we go away. Each year we buy them a gift of food, drink or a plant, nicely wrapped. Each year they give us two carrier bags of stuff from the charity shop, one for us and the other for our grandchildren. Our bag this year contained dressing gowns. Mine was a nasty green colour, with faded buttons and was a size 28/30! I know I've put on weight over Christmas but.....! DH had a checked one that didn't even meet at the front. We know what they are like and we always have a laugh about it. However my 4 year old grandson was a bit upset when he tried to use the suncatcher painting set he chose from the other bag and found the paints had dried solid in the pots.

My MIL once gave me £5 worth of tv licence stamps for my birthday. I was still single at the time and lived at home. I gave them to my mother. The next year she gave me a book of Co Op stamps and then asked for the stamps issued to me when I bought something with it!

My mum once bought me and my husband a new Dinner Service. On opening the box I found it contained an old Dinner set. Mum was horrified as she'd decided she liked the new one she'd got for us so had decided to use it herself and had meant to but a new one to replace it but had forgotten!