Gransnet forums

Chat

Page 1 of 1
Flip | Customise

Divorce at 60

(7 Posts)
Add comment | Report
izzibear Mon 03-Aug-26 07:33:10

My husband has told me he wants a divorce after 30 years of marriage. We've had problems lately and have argued a lot over the last few years particularly, but I never thought it would come to this. He says I'm not happy and he's realised he can't make me happy.

It's true that i've been unhappy about where I am in life by this time and finding it hard to let go of past decisions and resentments (he put us in a bad financial situation years ago by borrowing money to try to rescue a doomed business without telling me). It's a long story but I could easily have left him at the time and started again on my own, but I stuck by him through several bouts of depression and problems on his part and now it seems he can't handle my unhappiness.

He's agreed to try for another six months if I have counselling to "sort myself out". I've agreed to have counselling because I think I need it anyway (my daughter has been urging me to get therapy so it's not just him who thinks I need it) and whichever way it goes at the end of the six months it will put me in a stronger position. If we do end up staying together I'm going to insist that we have couples counselling (we had it before a few years ago and it helped but he's refusing this time because he says this time it's all on me).

This is really a separate issue but if we split we can't afford two separate homes outright so I'd have to try to get a mortgage and work past retirement age, when I was supposed to be retiring in two years. I have heart failure and really don't want to carry on working much longer.

Does anyone have any advice or been through similar? Btw I'll be spending these next six months looking into my options re housing, finance etc but really need advice and not sure where to get any

Add comment | Report
loopyloo Mon 03-Aug-26 07:42:58

Izzybear,
You have put up with this man for too long. And now he's trying to tell you it's your fault.
Please see a solicitor ASAP and also find a counsellor.
If he wants to leave let him but don't rush to sell your house.
All best wishes.

Add comment | Report
ronib Mon 03-Aug-26 07:48:03

In your position, your physical and mental health seem to need full attention. Heart failure and depression? I think best concentrate on that without adding the additional stress of a divorce if possible.

Add comment | Report
Kandinsky Mon 03-Aug-26 08:02:23

Hi izzibear

Firstly, I’m really sorry you’re going through this awful situation, looming divorce is difficult at any age, but particularly harder as we enter into our retirement years. But, and it’s a very big but, you’re not too old to start again and make a new & more peaceful life for yourself.
With the situation you’re in you either dance to his tune and hope for the best, or you take control and tell him where to shove his ‘I’ll give it six months’ and walk away now.
Regarding the house situation, would you have enough money to buy a small flat?
I know a lot of couples stay together because they just can’t afford to ‘go it alone’ and I understand that, but I’d personally rather live in a tiny flat and have my happiness.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Add comment | Report
nanna8 Mon 03-Aug-26 08:11:16

Without knowing either of you I wouldn’t presume to advise you but you should both be aware that it can be quite lonely on your own after this number of years and think very hard, both of you, before you take this step.

Add comment | Report
fancythat Mon 03-Aug-26 08:20:42

I agree.

Your daughter and yourself also think you need counselling.
I dont think all hope is lost.

Add comment | Report
MT62 Mon 03-Aug-26 08:35:28

It’s a pity you can’t rub along together & share the house but kind of separate, iykwim.
If you already have heart trouble is the stress of a divorce, looking for a suitable house/flat not going to add even more stress to your health?

Page 1 of 1
Flip | Customise