Divorce at 60

Kandinsky

Staying in an unhappy marriage is also stressful, especially if you’re always arguing.
If you can agree to stay in the house together but live separately that could work, but that takes some doing I’d have thought. It’s something only you & your husband can decide.

I know two couples who are doing that because they can’t afford to separate.
One couple just fell out of love but rub along & not bothered about meeting other people.
The other couple do niggle at each other but their house has two living rooms so just do their own thing with regards to meals, etc.

Sixty is still quite young. Plenty of years left to lead a happy and useful life.
From the point of the person saying it can be lonely, I would say that nothing is more lonely than being with someone you do not wish to be with. Loneliness is not necessarily being by oneself.
I would definitely advise against putting yourself into any sort of debt (mortgage) - surely, your fifty percent of your present home, would get you a small flat, and that is the way to go.
Go for your retirement and join groups like u3a, etc and look forward to having some wonderful times, with people you like.
So, firstly find out how much your present home is likely to sell for (realistically), then start to look at your options as to what you could buy for that money (remembering that selling and buying does take some of that money).
Silly, being miserable and argueing with someone you are living with.

Get some counselling it may help you make the right decision for you. Then get some financial/legal advice.
I have always said to anyone who has asked me, better to be happier on your own than in a stressful unloved relationship.

You could/will be on your own one day as the widows on this site attest, so start early while you are still quite young.

There have been so many threads on here from unhappy women with selfish, well actually horrid sounding, husbands. Don't be one of them in 5 or 10 years time.

One thing I would totally rule out is trying to get a mortgage on your own & working longer - wouldn’t even consider that given your health conditions.

Staying in an unhappy marriage is also stressful, especially if you’re always arguing.
If you can agree to stay in the house together but live separately that could work, but that takes some doing I’d have thought. It’s something only you & your husband can decide.

It’s a pity you can’t rub along together & share the house but kind of separate, iykwim.
If you already have heart trouble is the stress of a divorce, looking for a suitable house/flat not going to add even more stress to your health?

I agree.

Your daughter and yourself also think you need counselling.
I dont think all hope is lost.

Without knowing either of you I wouldn’t presume to advise you but you should both be aware that it can be quite lonely on your own after this number of years and think very hard, both of you, before you take this step.

Hi izzibear

Firstly, I’m really sorry you’re going through this awful situation, looming divorce is difficult at any age, but particularly harder as we enter into our retirement years. But, and it’s a very big but, you’re not too old to start again and make a new & more peaceful life for yourself.
With the situation you’re in you either dance to his tune and hope for the best, or you take control and tell him where to shove his ‘I’ll give it six months’ and walk away now.
Regarding the house situation, would you have enough money to buy a small flat?
I know a lot of couples stay together because they just can’t afford to ‘go it alone’ and I understand that, but I’d personally rather live in a tiny flat and have my happiness.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.

In your position, your physical and mental health seem to need full attention. Heart failure and depression? I think best concentrate on that without adding the additional stress of a divorce if possible.

Izzybear,
You have put up with this man for too long. And now he's trying to tell you it's your fault.
Please see a solicitor ASAP and also find a counsellor.
If he wants to leave let him but don't rush to sell your house.
All best wishes.