Patronising or what!?

Several times i worked as a census officer in the 10 yearly census (1960s - 1980s) and sometimes found that older people practised "weaponised incompetence" in order to get me to fill in the form for them. So I just asked them the questions and did so. It was far quicker that way. and meant i didn't have to call again.

Many people expect their elders to have poor eyesight, hearing and comprehension and weaponised blindness, deafness and competence can be a good way of getting out of doing things that you don't want to do. Or getting rid of tiresome people you don#t want on your doorstep.

There have also been occasions when I have informed someone in my "teacher" voice that I probably have more degrees and qualifications than they have eaten hot dinners.

I remember the first, and only, time someone approached me as I was carrying my shopping to my car and and asked if I'd like some help. I was in my early sixties at the time. I immediately assumed that it was a scam of some kind. I'm still not sure.

kircubbin2000

When I do my shopping at the local shop the girl always says look after yourself as I'm leaving.

I’m afraid I see your comment as rather ageist and patronising kircubbin2000.
It may be my many, many years in retail but a female shop assistant being referred to as ‘the girl’ regardless of age really annoys me.
Unless she is under 18 in which case I apologise!

Chestnut I think you are quite wrong about older people & tech. There are a vast amount of silver surfers who are very au fait with tech and it is a big part of their life.

Essexgirl145

It maybe patronising but it is true, we are all old.

I am! … but we have some ‘ Grans ‘ here who have mentioned they are in their 50s!

Sometimes it’s very useful to play the “ little old lady”!! Don’t knock it!
However recently I had a duty Doc call … he diagñosed a severe chest infection. But WoW …a gorgeous ? Anglo-Indian. Perfect English. And there was I looking, not only like a drowned rat which had been dragged through a hedge backwards, but retching up mucus , etc, and hanging swollen jowls like a Bloodhound!
Normally I am told how much younger than my 80 years I look. Old age doesn’t spare with indignities does it!!

Iamthewalrus

I was trying to place an online order at our local grocer and no matter which date or time slot I chose, there was no delivery available. I have placed online orders there dozens of times so I knew the issue wasn’t with me, i physically went to the store to get what I needed and politely asked at the courtesy desk if there had been a problem with the website and explained my problem. The owner of the grocer waved a pile of orders in my face and said “Orders are coming through every minute all day. Next time, call in and one of the young girls (who are all middle age by the way) can place the order for you”. I was fuming at his rudeness.

I am sorry but I cannot see why that is rude, he is offering help, he is even trying to make you feel comfortable by telling you the people willing to help are not kids, so will not just rush through as they do, but mature ladies who can hopefully sort out what the issue was. I really think people twist everything and are too easily offended.. If you misunderstand an offer of help I think it says something about you, sorry but that is how I see it.

I am always mildly amused when buying tech, or dealing with anything to do with smart phones etc. The assistants never expect an elderly lady to know anything about it. Sometimes I mention that I’ve been into IT since the very first Spectrums - and that’s going back a bit!

Had to do a prove my identity on an App -I downloaded my licence but every time I moved on to the recording my face bit it kept timing out. I went into the garage to tell them. You just knew the young chap thought it was my inability to manage the process. Then he tried it and it failed, he had to admit to a glitch in their app. He said it was a good app and saved customers time as they didn’t have to come into to the sales centre 😂

Some people of any age find learning difficult. Though I have met more old people who have avoided technology through a "why should I have to use new methods?" attitude than those who simply can't grasp it. Dunno what they'd have been like when phones or motor cars were first available.

Parky

For goodness sake. I have no idea how old posters are, but offers of assistance from people is a politeness not an insult. Maybe someone would be grateful for such an offer, nothing to do with age, just courteous behaviour. Manners are important. A thank you doesn't hurt you

I couldn't agree more. I find that when I am feeling well I don't get offered a seat on the bus or tube : when I am tired or ill I do.
Yesterday, after a long day out, a friend and I got on the tube and people moved so that we could sit together. People are more sensitive than you might think.
Smile and say "Thank you" both of you will be happier. They will be glad they offered and be more likely to help someone else.

I have been patronised in a shop. I went to buy shoes with my sister who was 3 years younger. She was asked what size and style of shoes did I want. I don't remember my exact age then, I was under 30 so it is over 50 years ago. We still laugh about it.

I am a GP receptionist and did this, I asked a 95 year old patient if she had grandchildren who could help her with the computer access, she said "I am perfectly capable of accessing the internet" I immediately apologised for being patronising and she laughed, phew. I wouldn't mind I am 73 and fully computer literate so should not have assumed!!!!

For goodness sake. I have no idea how old posters are, but offers of assistance from people is a politeness not an insult. Maybe someone would be grateful for such an offer, nothing to do with age, just courteous behaviour. Manners are important. A thank you doesn't hurt you

I know I'm being pedantic but it is not patronising...(,males condescending to females) but inapprpriate ageism.

I felt a bit offended the first time anyone offered me a seat on the underground, but soon came to appreciate it. We went to Japan a few years ago and were very impressed with how polite people were. However, during a long train journey I had to stand because it was very busy. I was surprised no-one offered me a seat, and commented on this to a Japanese friend. He told me it was because they would think it very rude to offer a seat as it would be seen as drawing attention to a person’s age or infirmity. Apparently sometimes they would pretend they were getting off at the next stop and offer their seat- however that didn’t happen to me,, unfortunately.

It maybe patronising but it is true, we are all old.

Totally agree Bluebell

A few months ago we were in an airport restaurant where orders could be made on a mobile phone, unfortunately the signal was so poor that it was impossible to do this, when querying this with a staff member I was asked if I had trouble using technology and did I need any help? I very nearly turned into Victor Meldrew, however I juat replied that I didn't but suggested that they check their signal.

Had the opposite experience in a bank last week. Went in to open an account. The person who was dealing with "walk ins" explained business would be on-line and did I have a phone with me. Whilst waiting the person asked what I had been up to that morning, I replied I'd been on chatGPT creating a poster for a vol org I'm involved with. When my turn came up I was taken to the person who would set up account and she was told she would have no problem with this customer to be, goodness she's been creating a poster on line, think she'll know what's what! Personal contact was needed for verification of identity which I thought was strange and said most times aud it can all be done by photo of document. She laughed, keeps me in a job,

I was trying to place an online order at our local grocer and no matter which date or time slot I chose, there was no delivery available. I have placed online orders there dozens of times so I knew the issue wasn’t with me, i physically went to the store to get what I needed and politely asked at the courtesy desk if there had been a problem with the website and explained my problem. The owner of the grocer waved a pile of orders in my face and said “Orders are coming through every minute all day. Next time, call in and one of the young girls (who are all middle age by the way) can place the order for you”. I was fuming at his rudeness.

As a child I was told that, if I saw an elderly person waiting to cross the road, I should offer to help. Imagine kids doing that now! They'd get their heads bitten off!

Agree.. am so fed up with being patronised now I'm older. I know they are probably only trying to be kind but it is still annoying

I should have said " yes thanks can you remember yours" with a smile. Too late now. But I must remember that for next time.

A few years back when about 70 I was on the tube back from a plant show carrying some convoluted plant supports.

Several young people jumped up to give me their seats thinking it was some sort of walking aid. I was very impressed, but did say I was fine. I know this isnt the same as being patronised as the OP was explaining. But I was impressed by their trying to help and actuslly being aware of other people.

I haven't yet been patronised...but there's time. I have been asked can I remember my mobile phone number by a young office person. They could have just said. "What is your mob phone number?* I was pleased I could! I suppose thst was s bit patronising. I suppose we must politely call it out everytime.

Romola

I think I put a similar incident on here a few months ago. I was with DD as she was going to drive me home after a cataract op. I asked the eye unit receptionist the way to the hospital pharmacy to collect the eye drops. The receptionist didn't answer me, she explained the way to DD. I said nothing, but later told DD I was enraged. DD didn't seem to get why it annoyed me, which enraged me some more.
If, or when, it happens again I will say something, in as nice a way as I can manage.

You don't think that she simply thought you couldn't see the way? After my cateracts were done there was no way I could find my way anywhere, that is why they ask for somebody to come and pick you up.