Weddings .......

I am an "each to their own" person too, but find it disturbing that it causes so much family aggro and that sometimes brides become hugely demanding of others - e.g. a colour scheme for what everyone should wear - that seems OTT to me. It is not a west end show!

I am sure that the big business element is true. The job of big business is to manufacture demand.

By all means let people choose a big wedding over a house deposit - that is their choice - but maybe it is not necessary to make so many demands on guests - there is a real control element about this and the groom is seldom mentioned.

And they might spend a fortune and finish up like I did - my period started unexpectedly on the wedding day and I was worried that my colour scheme might include a bridal red streak! My wedding night was spent full of pain killers, clutching a hot water bottle and trying not to throw up. Oh joy!

I am also firmly in the camp, their wedding, their choice but I do think that young couples and their parents go into debt to not to be seen not having a very big “do”.
Bad English there but you know what I mean.

I don't know that Mumsnet is typical. My daughter got married a few years back and it was a lovely, simple affair. No children banned. No extravagant pre-wedding events. A really lovely day.

Cabbie21

It is sometimes said that the more extravagant the wedding, the sooner the couple will split up.

I find it odd that people prioritise spending on a wedding rather than on a home.

I didn't know this was an actual saying. It is something I have noticed to be true though.

weddings have changed so much over the years, A young couple I know were married last year and sent all the invitations by text, no transport for guests to the reception which was 20 miles away.

I am also in the each to their own camp.

I try not to judge others on their life choices, we have been to big formal weddings, small intimate ones, all sorts.

One of our AC had their reception in our garden, lots of work but a lovely afternoon and evening.

As for stag/hen parties I assume that the bride and groom know their friendship circle and choose something they will all enjoy.

I have been to different hen ‘do’s’ weekends away, cocktail making, meals in restaurants.

The most memorable was a club in London (my future d-i-l’s) fabulous evening she invited my mum who was in her 70’s who said it was one of the best nights of her life.

Among other things, to me, it is unfair to insist that friends pay out so much on expensive stag/hen celebrations abroad.

I’m very much in the each to their own camp.

This thread, often re-occurring will bring the usual comments of wasting money etc, but in reality, most of us here were probably married in the ‘70’s, when even a lavish wedding was quite simple and low cost, compared to today’s hospitality. By the way, mine was modest - registry office, followed by a meal at a local Hotel for 30, from where we left for a 3 night honeymoon in Windermere.
I know couples who have had simple weddings and taken cash from their parents instead. Other parents have paid out thousands for lavish weddings, as that’s what the couple wanted. DD1 and her then fiancé wanted to pay for her second wedding themselves, which we respected, but did give them a decent sum as a wedding gift. DD2’s out laws insisted on sharing the cost of that wedding, which meant we could also include the cost of their honeymoon in Malta.

We might have our options, but in reality, it’s not our choice?

It is sometimes said that the more extravagant the wedding, the sooner the couple will split up.

I find it odd that people prioritise spending on a wedding rather than on a home.

Dontcallmelove

There was a recent thread on there about how much people were expecting as monetary presents. That was an eye opener, with people stating they felt £150+ per person to be the minimum!

My DS friend had an abroad stag do which cost a fortune. The wedding was also abroad and was a 3 day event with a dress code for each day. Fortunately my son has a dinner suit, but lots of his friends didn’t and so had that as an added expense. Travel from the airport to the villa required car hire and all drinks had to be purchased from the venue. DS said it cost him a fortune. Weddings now are all about instagram, not joyous occasions.

I dont think it’s fair to expect friends to fork out for these expensive dos. If they are somewhat involved with the wedding then they are going to feel the pressure to attend these stag & hen dos.

DGS2 due to marry next year, not a particularly big wedding but nothing else is talked about, I reckon we shall all be exhausted before we get there! DH and I married in 3 months from engagement, so glad we did

I know friends who have children who have had these massive weddings.
Two have split up after only months & are still paying off their weddings.
One couple has had a huge, expensive wedding but they rent!
Each to their own I suppose!

There was a recent thread on there about how much people were expecting as monetary presents. That was an eye opener, with people stating they felt £150+ per person to be the minimum!

My DS friend had an abroad stag do which cost a fortune. The wedding was also abroad and was a 3 day event with a dress code for each day. Fortunately my son has a dinner suit, but lots of his friends didn’t and so had that as an added expense. Travel from the airport to the villa required car hire and all drinks had to be purchased from the venue. DS said it cost him a fortune. Weddings now are all about instagram, not joyous occasions.

I agree - sometimes it is the simplest weddings which are actually the most enjoyable. I think nowadays so much of it is all for show - for social media - and some couples have forgotten that it's not all about the 'big day'.

Weddings are big business now and there is a lot of pressure from those businesses to make the couple feel they have to do everything that is available.
The best wedding I've been to was my son's second one - very much DIY with everyone chipping in to help and provide food and garden flowers - and lots of decorations second hand from Facebook which were promptly resold afterwards