Not so mid life crisis

Hearing all these comments I am quite envious! I had to give up my career (due to poor health) last year but far from travelling volunteering classes etc I am roped into a nearly 24/ 7 child care role for grandchildren and get zero time for fun 🫩 this is not what I thought retirement would be; I also feel I can’t moan because everyone goes on what a privilege its supposed to be helping with grandchildren and how I should feel honoured 😬

Alison I of the same mind as you !

I find comfort in planning and great joy in anticipation of daily, weekly or seasonal rituals/task or events from Sunday Morning Pastries to Feedy Friday (plants, not me!). I wouldn't thrive if all of my days felt 'open ended' and know that others may not align their housekeeping with Moon Phases etc but it works for me & keeps things fun

Do you live alone? If so

Start off by "Being A Regular".

Chose a really nice cafe like a pleasant Costa.

Go there when you get up, if you like regular, bring your computer and a newspaper, and "hang out". You get to know other regulars and the staff. while you are there, look up local groups or volunteer opportunities. Ponder them.

Work out what you are missing. Is it "being someone" ie a role? In that case, work out if you need it, and if you do, that usually means a commitment, so think on that one. Is it a people role? Is it a practical one?

Is it friendliness, nattering, etc?

Well I have found that in my long term member ship of my gym, which isnt just a come and exercise and go home, but - same people, same time of day, not just exercise, but chatting and believe me men can natter away as well as women on my observation 😉.

Or always starting the day with the same walk in the same park....

I’d be moaning jenpax in fact I wouldn’t do it. If ill health stops you working, childcare is work, very hard too.
Don't swallow the privilege myth from some, there’s a difference between helping out and full time, particularly if older and/or poorly.

I do take it the "AI" bit of the Vincent, your username, isn't an AI wind up? We are a bit aware of these possibilities after several attempts by others - ignore this if for real, but the AI bit is a bit of a red flag.

Alison333

Slightly off topic, but I do hope VincentAI is a real person and the letters are just coincidence!

Must admit, that was my first thought 😊

Snap.
Still, we've had a good sharing discussion: but yes be aware.

It's not Vincent A I - it's A 1 (One) as far as I can make out! 🧐

Wyllow3

I do take it the "AI" bit of the Vincent, your username, isn't an AI wind up? We are a bit aware of these possibilities after several attempts by others - ignore this if for real, but the AI bit is a bit of a red flag.

Exactly what i was thinking at first read and a few of the answers.

Retread

It's not Vincent A I - it's A 1 (One) as far as I can make out! 🧐

Yes, I enlarged it big big. Hmmm. Get Enola Holmes on the job.

But..would you actually choose a username that read "like" AI?

If it's for real....I fed the O/P statement into the google search engine and it actually came up with actual local suggestions to where I lived.

when i retired (or was retired!) I decided that i wouldn't make any decisions for a while - although I did decide that i wouldn't get up until 9.00 in the morning! i've kept to that since 2007!!
i don't have a routine at all - I just do what I feel like doing when I get up.
the mantra i live by is - i do what I want, when I want, how I want, with whom I want and if I want ..... if I don't want then I don't do!!
after all i'm the most important person on my life.
i looked at u3a and found there was nothing I wanted to do. I looked at the wi and decided it wasn't for me and volunteering isn't for me either.
i don't have many friends and no family so I tend to keep myself to myself.
i'm disabled but have a motability car which gets me out of the house to go shopping and to appointments and in the summer when it's not to hot i try to explore the county around me - i've lived here for almost 40 years and have yet to visit many places.
i have found that mid week is best for these expeditions as there are fewer people around apart from tourists in the summer.
but don't rush into doing too much - it's time to slow down and smell the roses. Just please yourself and make sure you eat, drink, sleep and, above all, love your life.

Join your local U3a group and they have loads of activity groups, physical and educational.
Go to the local sports centre as they have many classes for the older person. I’ve met loads of people that way…

I agree with deedee27. Join your local University of the Third Age group. They will offer various courses to exercise your brain and lots of social contacts. Also, the main thing I have noticed about getting older is the amount of time spent on medical tests and appointments. Life is pretty busy!

I retired at 50 and took a year off anything task-related and had a three week holiday in Egypt. I then did some volunteering and part time work for a few years and a stint on the parish council. Now I'm fully retired and thinking about the next decade.

I gave myself 3 months to 'settle' and ponder on what I wanted to do. Then I statted trying things out and working out my new life. That space ensured I made the right choices.

Dont put pressure on yourself. Just relax; do some nice things and ponder for a bit

The aspects of retirement that I found hardest was the loss of purpose and the separation from colleagues. There were so many people that I knew and liked and enjoyed working with on a daily basis. It was a shock to lose them plus the satisfaction of our joint work all at once. Ways to replace this include voluntary work, hobby groups and helping friends and family. You can sign up for courses and take an interest in your religious community. Its all good but it takes a while to adapt.

Alison333

Slightly off topic, but I do hope VincentAI is a real person and the letters are just coincidence!

It's AL - Al! From Alfred, my middle name. Quite unfortunate it looks like AI, I tried changing it to Alf but don't know how to do it

Wyllow3

I do take it the "AI" bit of the Vincent, your username, isn't an AI wind up? We are a bit aware of these possibilities after several attempts by others - ignore this if for real, but the AI bit is a bit of a red flag.

Oh no, a real fuzz with the Al name I see, it's from Alfred my middle name. Thanks for the heads up, will definitely try changing it so it doesn't confuse people. Not an AI fan myself

I have been catching up and reading all your comments (and apart for the AL mixup) I'm so thankful of all your friendly responses. I think I will consider joining a community, perhaps take a look into u3A. I do get nervous when going alone to new meet-ups, but I don't want to stay alone in the house all day to be honest. A holiday would be lovely as well

Hello VincentAl. Welcome. All sorts of good ideas above.
One of the things I found important was to make additional friends who are local. My main friendship group had been work friends who all lived spread out across London.

I moved in retirement and have made wonderful new friends by joining things over the years - voluntary work, art classes, church attendance and activities, exercise classes, museum and art gallery ‘Friends’ and supporters groups, etc. Meeting up for coffee informally works wonders and turns into valuable shared experiences and activities together as and when you wish.

Join a good friendly gym that meets exercise needs and offers natters of all kinds with different people is my top advice - but that because it meets my needs and others hate gyms. but they aren't what people assume - one finds people 65 plus plus plus to 80's especially in the mornings and one gets into bits and bobs of non- pressured chats about everything.

Blokes too 🙂

I moved from Kent to Bristol 3 years ago after my DH died, to be near my DD.
I knew nota soul, but decided that, if I didn’t do it myself, none one would fetch me from my isolation.
I’m very fortunate that the church I joined is extremely friendly, I also joined several organisations with the idea of dropping the ones I didn’t especially like. It seems to have worked as there is barely a day when I don’t have a chat to someone or go out.

A young colleague gave me a retirement pack constructed by her mother. A book, a large box of chocs and a bath bomb. Mum's advice was "breathe". Take a minimum of a month, and at this time of year, plan a Sept holiday, splashing out.

I did not retire all at once - I worked at the college as an exams invigilator, on call casual, I joined the elections team as a poll clerk, I looked at town clerk role, but decided too much work.
I am active at my local school as a reading helper which fixes my calendar to one day a week - I find it important to have something regular in my schedule.

If it floats your boat, your local library will be able to signpost volunteering activities, even with them. I recommend GirlGuiding who are always short of leaders and you get to be part of a mixed age team

If not, there are literary clubs for budding writers, plenty of craft clubs, Trefoil Guild (you get to meet your neighbouring community which, if working you may not be quite part of), for older retirees there is WI and U3A. If you still feel in"work" mode, you can always become part of the organising committees.
Or you could take to politics with your local town or district council.