Are you a Giver or a Taker?

I know of a lady who prides herself in feeding people, nurturing with her food and entertaining on a lavish scale. She is our generation. Recently, she had a birthday, just ended up her husband and her. Where were all the 'friends' and 'rellies' she entertained? Nowhere to be seen. Tells a story we can all heed.

Neither I'm a member of human society and my relationships are in constant flow according to the situation.

We start of as takers, babies, to survive.
We learn to give back as we become independent.
We go back to being takers as we 'vintage'.
How much, and how often, varies as shown upthread.

Definitely a giver, I haven’t been offered much to take yet, but if someone does offer I feel awkward and embarrassed, I need to learn how to accept gracefully in case it ever happens again 🤣

A giver but went too far. I am a people pleaser and made rash promises I had to keep. Need help now and realise am on my own as no offers but I will manage.

Can't have one without the other therefore both.

I like others, consider myself a giver both of my time and hospitality. I enjoy entertaining and almost always seem to have people in our spare bedrooms for a night, weekend or more.
I often notice though how many people ask not to receive gifts from family. It's a shame in my eyes not to be able to receive. It's only my view.

I feel guilty accepting help, and even gifts, but if we didn’t ever
‘ take ‘ , we’d be denying some people the opportunity to be givers.

I’ve been a people pleaser all my life, but, people have taken advantage.
These days, the only people I want to please, is my family and if they take advantage, so be it. I love them

I would probably consider myself a 'giver, rather than 'taker'. It may well leave me open to being taken advantage of, but I'd rather give to those who need, than take from those who are in need.

Grandmotherto8

Ooh thought I'd lurched into a different type of thread.

Bit smutty?

Cressy

I think I am Giver - possibly an Overgiver. Occasionally disappointed that the giving is not always reciprocated by those who I value but I get great satisfaction from giving so 🤷‍♀️

Sounds like me too

It’s good to be a giver if done with good grace, but not if you feel put on .That can lead to resentment.I’m a giver,especially
with the use of my car.A couple of my friends wouldn’t be able to go out if I didn’t take them.I know they are grateful ,they don’t need to say , and one gives me jars of homemade marmalade!

Daffydilly

Grandmotherto8

Ooh thought I'd lurched into a different type of thread.

You're not alone. 🙄😁

It is your mind !!

Grandmotherto8

Ooh thought I'd lurched into a different type of thread.

You're not alone. 🙄😁

As grannygran says it takes effort to take graciously. Don’t we all want to be the most generous because it makes us feel good? But how does it make the other person feel? A balance is much better.

I am thinking that there is a difference between a taker and a user. Takers as has been illustrated on here are gracious about anything given to them and try to give back as well. But a user is a person who takes with no intention of giving back and is not gracious about it at all.
Or at least that is how I see it.

Romola

As an elderly widow, I would say I've become more of a taker than previously. For instance, my neighbours kindly ask me if I'd like to go with them to a local NT property. And another cuts my hedges (I have given him DH's hedgecutter, too heavy for me).
And I've definitely become a taker from the NHS.
But I still volunteer, visit the sick and entertain friends and neighbours.

I wouldn’t call you a taker, takers take everything & give nothing back.
You gave the chap your hubbys hedgecutter & you volunteer, especially giving your time to friend’s & neighbours 😊

I am a giver 100% to a fault. I can't help myself, I don't like what I do but it's just the way I am built and nothing will ever change that.

I'm wondering if it's all about boundaries. I don't like seeing anyone in distress and needing help. So my instinct is I can help with that. So the person receiving becomes a taker but probably not intentionally. But it can soon become an expectation. I've had to reduce GC looking after caring/duties due to age, ill health and lack of energy. I felt bad about but things had to change a bit. They accepted it, but probably because of their busy lives, I haven't noticed any offers of help coming my way. But I had to put some boundaries in. But then I know I seem very self-sufficient to others, which is my problem really as I don't like anyone thinking I can't manage or cope. I see it as.form of weakness. I think that comes from having to be self sufficient from childhood.

You are right Grannygran, without takers there would be no need for givers. I think I am a giver, not controlling just fiercely independent, hate to ask for anything from anyone, and if anyone gives me anything I feel duty bound to repay them in some way at the earliest opportunity.
I shall try to be more humble and gracious in future

When I first read the question I thought taker meant someone who used people and gave nothing in return. I see that most of you are defining taker as someone who can graciously accept things offered by others. As some of you have mentioned, I too have a hard time asking for and accepting help. If someone helps me or gives me something I feel I need to reciprocate.That's just the way I am. So I guess that makes me a giver.

Good Subject for a thread.

I used to be more of a giver than a taker and wiser. But since l have got older and needed more help. Especially with time and money

Which in some cases has not been forthcoming from neighbours, relatives and friends

I have revised who l help and the way l treat people.

I am still very courteous and good at heart. And l do thank people who help me when l speak to them on the phone calls and call centres.

And of course our salt of the earth, hard working NHS staff.

Plus workmen who come around from the Housing Association. Supermarket staff and bus drivers. Also members of the public who help me when l am out and about.
I have mobility issues

Just saying Thank You to all of these people seems to go a long way. It is quite unexpected in most cases and much appreciated.

I will also help a complete stranger who is in real need and never walk away.

So. Have a good day GN's
😻👍
Xxx

As an elderly widow, I would say I've become more of a taker than previously. For instance, my neighbours kindly ask me if I'd like to go with them to a local NT property. And another cuts my hedges (I have given him DH's hedgecutter, too heavy for me).
And I've definitely become a taker from the NHS.
But I still volunteer, visit the sick and entertain friends and neighbours.

I’m a giver and a people pleaser.