Are you a Giver or a Taker?

I agree. I find it very difficult to ask for help and have been told off by friends for struggling on when I was ill.
I'm probably more of a giver as I have helped people in different ways over the years and won't ask for help which is silly really.

No idea what I am

?

Interesting thread.
Bump

I think I am Giver - possibly an Overgiver. Occasionally disappointed that the giving is not always reciprocated by those who I value but I get great satisfaction from giving so 🤷‍♀️

Ooh thought I'd lurched into a different type of thread.

Both I suppose. As are most people. Probably over my life I have given more than taken because I worked in human services assisting people who were disadvantaged in some way. The pay was so awful it was almost voluntary level but the psychological rewards were enormous. Takers don’t usually recognise themselves I would think !

I'm a giver, always have been..but, a lady I did some work for ,I ended up taking her a Christmas day dinner..she wanted me to share a gift she had recieved..when I politely refused she looked me in the eye and said, " my dear if there were no takers there couldn't be any givers".. kind, wise words I've never forgotten..
Now I will accept graciously.

I am definitely a giver but to my regret no good deed goes unpunished

I think giving and taking can be a complex relationship, as there are those who give things people don't necessarily want, and then expect gratitude. They are not really 'giving', but constructing a persona of a good person, particularly when they make sure that others are aware of their good deeds, and/or upcast them to the recipients, so 'I gave her X, so I am a 'giver' and she is a 'taker' isn't always as simple as it sounds. The taker may have little choice, if what is given is thrust upon them, so to speak.

People who consider themselves 'givers', often see it that way, though, and when people don't respond in kind, as expected, get annoyed - even threatening to stop buying gifts for family members who are not grateful enough. True 'givers' don't give to be thanked, or to be owed anything, so probably don't see themselves as such.

That is not to say that giving time, kindness (or gifts, for that matter) is always performative, or that not acknowledging gifts is acceptable behaviour - it isn't. But people who give things, time and kindness out of love without expecting anything back are the real 'givers', IMO.

Sorry if that's a bit garbled - I'm multitasking, but wanted to reply, as I think it's an interesting question.

I do not spend time analysing myself, so I agree with Monica, I don’t know, what I do know is, I do my best to be the best version of myself…. Be that giving, taking, caring with all that life throws at me😀

I suppose I’m a giver, but most of us must be a mixture…

I like to think that I’m neither……prefer to class myself as a swapper.

I feel more happier giveing, I dont expect anything from anyone, left home at 16 and never really had much help from anyone, we've got a nice home and life, but only thanks to hubby and me working hard all our lives,,but ive changed that, always giveing little bits of help financially to my sons and grandchildren, they NEVER ASK OR EXPECT

I’d say I’m a mix of both, I get joy from giving, one can give in so many different ways.

I do like to sometimes receive too.

So long as the motives are good, I don’t think it matters

Asked the question giver or taker and I veer towards giving and I never expect anything back.
I feel it's a privilege to be able to give so why expect to be rewarded?

grannygran

I'm a giver, always have been..but, a lady I did some work for ,I ended up taking her a Christmas day dinner..she wanted me to share a gift she had recieved..when I politely refused she looked me in the eye and said, " my dear if there were no takers there couldn't be any givers".. kind, wise words I've never forgotten..
Now I will accept graciously.

😊

I doubt anyone will admit to being a taker. I would like to think of myself as a giver but have got used to asking for help as a full time carer for my DH. But the offer has to have been made I would never ask if it hadn’t. Would much rather not though and usually thank a giver with flowers or chocolates.

Mostly a giver I think. I don’t think I ever used anyone & always paid my way for little jobs.
I have been used by friends for nights out & lifts as I don’t drink but got wise to that.
I must say I have grown a back bone these past few years & just say No if I don’t want to do anything I don’t want to do.

I agree and I now realise perhaps being so giving can be misinterpreted as being controlling. It’s hard when you’re happy and able to give and (after some considerable time) the story has been rewritten and it’s all thrown back at you…. Never again

As the daughter of a narcissist I was always trying to please, I was always dubious regarding being given anything as it would be used against me.

As a result of this I am a giver and a reluctant taker.

I've never thought about it in those terms but, upon reflection, I am generally the one who plans, organises, checks the timetable, books the tickets, etc. I earned a living as an event organiser for a couple of decades and I guess organising becomes a habit! And, if something needs doing, it's generally simpler to get on and do it than to wait for someone else to step up. So, not so much a giver but fairly self-sufficient and that does make it very hard to ask for help.

I try to overcome my pride or arrogance or whatever it is after one friend found me struggling with a situation and took me to task because I hadn't asked him to help. What are friends for, he asked, if not to help each other out? Some of us, he said, like to feel wanted and useful - and he really did look pleased to have resolved my problem. As a result, I'm trying to be an occasional taker. 🙂

My mother always said, that people were either from Havington, or Givington. She was most certainly from the latter, and I hope that I am too.

I think I tend towards being a giver, especially with family.

I am learning to say no , which doesn’t come easy to me.