Eating with people who don't enjoy food

I used to enjoy food and eating out but since having to have dentures there's very little I can manage to eat now, always much slower than other people so I still have more than half a plateful left while everyone else has finished. And often there are things I am served up I simply can't eat, so end up pushing it round the plate pretending to eat it and then to avoid embarrassment I say I'm full and can't eat anything more. So please consider that those who aren't 'tucking in' with gusto and clearing their plates may have good reasons for what they are doing. I can assure you it is pure torture to have to leave the plate or table while still hungry, and being judged for it as well isn't nice. Tbh, I now try to avoid any social occasions where eating is a major part of the occasion.

AGAA4

Hope he dumped her!
.

How does their eating habits affect you? I'm confused as to how you were famished?

luluaugust

All her life my poor mum had problems with food and dreaded eating out particularly with non family. She was told she had IBS and that was it. There were many embarrassing situations. She is long gone now but recent events have shown we have Coeliac disease in the family. Mum always thought a nice slice of bread and butter was the safest thing to have, if only we had all known, me included.
Your friends may have health reasons they do t like to mention for not being able to stuff themselves

Your poor mum! I love food but am a coeliac with bad IBS. It's a bit of a pain. My husband isn't at all interested in food and eats like a bird and can eat anything

It seems to me that there's far too much judgement about people who don't want to gorge themselves in restaurants or who choose something that another thinks is tasteless or unappealing. And apart from the fact that it's up to individuals what they eat and in what proportions, there are many people suffering with generalised anxiety that often escalates in situations where they are expected to eat food in front of others. Thankfully we can still all make choices.

Tizliz, it sounds as though you've reached a point in your life where you really need to be kind to yourself so do think hard about whether you waste your energy worrying about what other people think of you if you take your time in a restaurant. And by the way, a quiet word with the proprietor or person taking your order to pass on to the chef will often result in your food arriving on your plate looking just as good as anybody else's but already prepared in smaller pieces.

I am and have always been a foodie.
Am also a 'feeder' and love all the planning and prep that goes into cooking for guests, so imagine my frustration when , having spent a lot of time and money to put on what I thought was a super spread for DS and DiL and large family, she enters the kitchen, surveys all the food and turns her nose up saying "If the eyes don't like it......"
I could have burst a blood vessel!

I had a very overweight aunt who would never eat much at meal times saying she had a tiny appetite but 20 minutes later would eat a handful of biscuits. She was always saying she couldn’t understand why she was so much bigger than us when we ate so much more than her. I did try and point out if she had eaten more dinner she wouldn’t want the biscuits, but she never changed.

The first time we went to Florida in the eighties I was absolutely amazed at the meal servings. They all came up on oval platters which to my mind would have served a family of four. No matter how hungry I was it would totally put me off. Perhaps things are different now. At that time no one seemed to care about the wastage. And yes, plenty of morbidly obese people here now which we seem to have inherited.

I find food and eating in company very difficult. I had anorexia as a teenager and even many decades later I get anxious. The real anxiety inducing situations are when someone has invited us round for a meal and clearly have gone to a lot of trouble. My throat closes up and I can barely swallow. I know full well my hosts are being kind and its important to them, which unfortunately tends to make it worse. Please spare a thought for people who through no fault of their own dread eating in company. Shared meals are such a bonding experience, its actually very isolating to be this way and hosts get offended when no offence is meant.

I go for a group meal including someone who considers she enjoys fine dining, and loves sending dishes back because they are too hot, cold,under /overcooked etc or asking for adjustments to the menu, as in , could I have the burger but without the chilli dressing, because I am allergic to chilli.

It may not have been chilli, but the manager appeared, sat down besides her and explained at length that (whatever the food was) it wasn't an allergen, but rather something she simply didn't enjoy. She went slightly pink, and hasn't done it since.

These days find MYSELF not enjoying food. My appetite is fine, although as I get older I favour lighter and lighter meals. Problem is I have been vegetarian for a good deal of my life, and my dear other half, not in the best of health and for other reasons not good in the kitchen, is still an enthusiastic carnivore. This never mattered before retirement and then becoming elderly - mainly because then I had the energy to cook veggie stuff for myself and feed others on the ever favourite (mainly) meat dishes they liked..
Now, after roasting a chicken and making gravy or something needing a sauce, I feel tired and find I have lost my appetite. So, I tend to eat either just veg, same as I've cooked for OH, a rare ready made veggie meal, or anything left in the fridge which appeals. This latter routine often leaves me searching out cheese and crackers at 2am! Suppose I should start devoting a day to batch cooking for myself, so I can freeze individual meals, but procrastination looms large.

I am 80 and have always enjoyed my food. However I had three close friends who always made me feel greedy because they always left most of their food and one of them only ate once a day. They are all dead now.

As a child we would eat out 4 or 5 times a week. My parents had hectic lifestyles, mother didn't know her way round the kitchen, so we went to restaurants. This continued until my late teens.

This has left me with a dislike of eating out. It's not a luxury for me, not pleasurable at all. I can't see the point.

So I just dont go.

Eating to me is just a necessity. The only food I actively enjoy is potted shrimps. I could eat them every day

I have had 42 years of a 'fussy' eater. He is worse than a two year old. Friends are very kind and are use to him. His parents were a nightmare and that was his problem. Plain, bland food, basically meat and potatoes. I eat anything but I found my MiL's cooking boring and over cooked, brussels were stewed! I meet up with friends for curries occasionally which is lovely. Every year without fail my MiL would say, 'No Christmas pudding for me, I find it too rich' (Fine if you don't like it but this constant comment made me want to scream) I once had curry when they came to our house, they all had fish and chips. My MiL's comment? 'When so and so came to our house and ordered that we made them eat in the other room!' Needless to say, I stayed put, furious at her rudeness.

Growing0ldDisgracefully

I used to enjoy food and eating out but since having to have dentures there's very little I can manage to eat now, always much slower than other people so I still have more than half a plateful left while everyone else has finished. And often there are things I am served up I simply can't eat, so end up pushing it round the plate pretending to eat it and then to avoid embarrassment I say I'm full and can't eat anything more. So please consider that those who aren't 'tucking in' with gusto and clearing their plates may have good reasons for what they are doing. I can assure you it is pure torture to have to leave the plate or table while still hungry, and being judged for it as well isn't nice. Tbh, I now try to avoid any social occasions where eating is a major part of the occasion.

Absolutely spot on. I don't see why anyone should be bothered if people don't tuck in and demolish their food. There is sometimes a very good reason, but no-one seems to think of that. Just leave the picky eaters alone.

I'd sooner sit at a table with a non-eater than a glutton. I hate watching greedy people shovelling it in. Puts me right off my meal. I'm just a normal eater myself, neither one extreme or the other. I enjoy my food but don't enjoy bad table manners.

My dad said "I eat to live, I don't live to eat" which is a good mantra.

I used to have a great appetite when I was young and if I was out with my late mum I would finish her food. Now, at 69, although I still love my food J too can only eat small portions and am often overrated. Luckily, my 6 foot 5 son- in -law is happy to help out

Jennifer Eccles Over the last few years portion sizes in restaurants have got so large that I find it off putting. It amazes me to be honest, just how much food some people can put away. No wonder there’s an obesity crisis.

I agree that food portions are larger. It's very strange considering the cost of food has gone up and most supermarket items are subject to 'shrinkflation'. You get a smaller amount for the same price.

My local bakers have a display area full of cream cakes, doughnuts, pastries etc. But THE SIZE OF THEM! They are at least twice as big as they used to be. We used to buy about 10-12 cream cakes when it was someone's birthday at work, but you couldn't do that now. I wouldn't be offering a work colleague a doughnut the size of a birthday cake even if she would eat it!

I stopped going out with my sister because , although I checked she was going for lunch , she waited till I had ordered , then ordered a coffee for herself !
So there I was with a plateful while she sipped her coffee
Now I invite her for coffee , having had my lunch

I like feed. But certain foods don't like my digestive system. Do I'm always looking and dissecting the menu. Simple foods for me. In small portions. Thd portions you get these days are huge. Big fat chips. Thick sandwiches. Thick Americanised pizzas (sorry America). total turn off for me I'm afraid.

It makes sense to me, not to include eating as part of a day or evening out, if there are reasons why it's difficult.

Everywhere i go includes food or a coffee out, because i enjoy it.

There's no way I'd pay for a meal and be unable to do it justice.

I’ve just remembered a friend who was vegetarian but didn’t eat vegetables, and only seemed to eat marmite on toast. She had a horror of oranges. I wonder if she’s still alive!

I do love food but I am a tiny eater. I fill up very quickly after only a few bites. Have just spent three weeks touring Spain and this is my kind of eating! Tapas to share around the table. Hungry people eat a lot and I can just nibble round the edges without anyone worrying. To be fair I have had a tiny appetite since being a child.

My mother in law never seemed to enjoy food, she was also a pretty awful cook. She made very good fruit cakes (I've been using her Christmas cake recipe for 55 years) and she could do a roast dinner which wasn't too bad. One problem was that she didn't really like meat, so things like bacon or sausages shown the frying pan and very undercooked. She also didn't seem to understand cooking instructions. When my daughter stayed with her she was served Pizzas that had been put in a cold oven and taken out again when it had hardly come up to temperature. "No no Granny, you sit down and have a rest and I'll cook my pizza"!

SunnySusie

I find food and eating in company very difficult. I had anorexia as a teenager and even many decades later I get anxious. The real anxiety inducing situations are when someone has invited us round for a meal and clearly have gone to a lot of trouble. My throat closes up and I can barely swallow. I know full well my hosts are being kind and its important to them, which unfortunately tends to make it worse. Please spare a thought for people who through no fault of their own dread eating in company. Shared meals are such a bonding experience, its actually very isolating to be this way and hosts get offended when no offence is meant.

I think I was borderline anorexic for many years and it has only been in recent years in my seventies that I’ve actually stopped looking on food as ‘the enemy’ and started enjoying it. Wish I could turn the clock back….however it isn’t that which makes me not like eating in public but my IBS

I remember staying with some friends many years ago who were not foodies at all nor did they cook or eat much. We were there for the whole weekend and didn't know when or if we would be fed. We finished up going to the local garage and buying some pies.

Cambia

I do love food but I am a tiny eater. I fill up very quickly after only a few bites. Have just spent three weeks touring Spain and this is my kind of eating! Tapas to share around the table. Hungry people eat a lot and I can just nibble round the edges without anyone worrying. To be fair I have had a tiny appetite since being a child.

We love Tapas and the Greek and Indian
Versions of this kind of eating. Lots and lots of little pots and plates of food to share. Fabulous.