Eating with people who don't enjoy food

eazybee chilli IS an allergen for some people but as it’s not common it is not on the list of the most common allergens that restaurants have to notify people about. I am severely allergic to chilli (carry an EpiPen) as is my niece.

She once accidentally handled a chilli seed whilst emptying a kitchen bin at university, went into anaphylactic shock and spent three weeks in hospital. If all her flat mates had not been medical students, knew where her EpiPen was and how to administer it, then took turns to do cpr until the paramedics arrived, she would not be with us now. She is a wonderful NHS doctor but was so weak after the incident she had to walk with a stick for 3 months. She couldn’t even lift a cup of tea up to her lips.

So please don’t assume that if a food isn’t on the common allergens list it is not an allergen - it could be fatal. Please don’t judge those of us who have nearly died as ‘picky’.

dalrymple - I don’t think Dodo meant that she would burst anyone’s blood vessels - she meant her own own blood vessels would burst

*declined

I have spent a couple of years learning how to manage IBS and I’m incredibly cautious - nervous, even - eating what anyone else has prepared. I’ve decline Christmas and Easter with my daughter two years running for exactly this reason.

I would get a second opinion on your dentures GOD

AGAA4

I took my son and his new girlfriend out for a meal. She ordered then didn't eat any of it. It was a very popular, always booked up restaurant, so a bit embarrassing sending back a whole plate of untouched food. I found out later that her diet consisted of several bottles of cola a day and a few bags of crisps.

I sometimes think that these really fussy people actually invent reasons not to eat because of eating disorders. One of my husband’s friend’s girlfriends was supposedly vegetarian, I went to a lot of trouble to find out what she’d like and cooked things for her on several occasions. She always refused to eat anything. It transpired that she just didn’t like eating and ended up in a mental unit with anorexia.

Dalrymple23 thanks but I am allergic to Fixodent (gave me big burning blisters). I use polygrip but due to a variety of issues arising from the plastic pretenders, I have to reglue them at interval throughout the day, they become progressively more uncomfortable as the day wears on, I can hardly chew with them, so just stick with soft food and stuff which doesn't stick to them.
The dentist says they are the best fit she can make them, has vaguely suggested implants but says she can't guarantee that they would be feasible (aggressive bone loss since extraction) and an aggressive estimate of cost!
So I just grin and bear it if I can't avoid food-centred social occasions.
Ho hum.

GOD: I have the dreaded falsies too - much better than trying to bite down using an abcessed or wobbly tooth. Fixodent. Brilliant stuff -holds them in place - crusty bread, al dente anything and rare steak now a doddle. Try it.

DoDo: I would have burst one of her blood vessels! How intolerably rude.

We have been invited to several weddings which were lavish apart from the food. There were no allowances made for dietary requirements and we ended up eating cheese on crackers. We have been to other weddings where the food was splendid and allowed the guests to have a feast. I tend to go to 4 star hotels now to eat as they always come up with something to suit. There is one near us where I can actually eat a three course lunch without fear of reprisal.

GoldenAge - quiet word with the proprietor or person taking your order to pass on to the chef will often result in your food arriving on your plate looking just as good as anybody else's but already prepared in smaller pieces.

Yes, I have done this and they are very discrete. Lamb nicely sliced and served on a bed of vegs. I often have a starter as a main meal and no one has every objected.

I presume the OP stayed with the frugal friend and that's all she was given? Bit of a nightmare and I agree with those who say 'take your own.' My DD and SIL have a term for it when they are invited to weddings. Always take 'pocket ham'.

My own bugbear is when you take a bottle of, say, Champagne or posh chox and say, 'these are our contribution to the meal.'

And then you are given neither and never see them again.

I am on Ozempic to control my blood sugar as a diabetic. It has resulted in me eating smaller meals but has also affected my taste so I have 'gone off' quite a few things I used to love. When I visit my DS and his family I try to eat whatever they are having but if it is one of the things I no longer enjoy I just ask for a smaller portion. I also eat much more slowly than I used to so eating less works ok. Sometimes though I end up being hungry later so I always take a stash of snacks for if I'm hungry later in case there is nothing I fancy in their fridge. I usually take anything I specifically enjoy with me. After my last visit when I took my usual greek yogurts for breakfast, we had to buy a fresh supply during the week and the children wanted some too. Mine were quite expensive ones and I understand they have since found a cheaper alternative which the children call 'granny yogurts' and eat regularly now!

Cambia

I do love food but I am a tiny eater. I fill up very quickly after only a few bites. Have just spent three weeks touring Spain and this is my kind of eating! Tapas to share around the table. Hungry people eat a lot and I can just nibble round the edges without anyone worrying. To be fair I have had a tiny appetite since being a child.

We love Tapas and the Greek and Indian
Versions of this kind of eating. Lots and lots of little pots and plates of food to share. Fabulous.

I remember staying with some friends many years ago who were not foodies at all nor did they cook or eat much. We were there for the whole weekend and didn't know when or if we would be fed. We finished up going to the local garage and buying some pies.

SunnySusie

I find food and eating in company very difficult. I had anorexia as a teenager and even many decades later I get anxious. The real anxiety inducing situations are when someone has invited us round for a meal and clearly have gone to a lot of trouble. My throat closes up and I can barely swallow. I know full well my hosts are being kind and its important to them, which unfortunately tends to make it worse. Please spare a thought for people who through no fault of their own dread eating in company. Shared meals are such a bonding experience, its actually very isolating to be this way and hosts get offended when no offence is meant.

I think I was borderline anorexic for many years and it has only been in recent years in my seventies that I’ve actually stopped looking on food as ‘the enemy’ and started enjoying it. Wish I could turn the clock back….however it isn’t that which makes me not like eating in public but my IBS

My mother in law never seemed to enjoy food, she was also a pretty awful cook. She made very good fruit cakes (I've been using her Christmas cake recipe for 55 years) and she could do a roast dinner which wasn't too bad. One problem was that she didn't really like meat, so things like bacon or sausages shown the frying pan and very undercooked. She also didn't seem to understand cooking instructions. When my daughter stayed with her she was served Pizzas that had been put in a cold oven and taken out again when it had hardly come up to temperature. "No no Granny, you sit down and have a rest and I'll cook my pizza"!

I do love food but I am a tiny eater. I fill up very quickly after only a few bites. Have just spent three weeks touring Spain and this is my kind of eating! Tapas to share around the table. Hungry people eat a lot and I can just nibble round the edges without anyone worrying. To be fair I have had a tiny appetite since being a child.

I’ve just remembered a friend who was vegetarian but didn’t eat vegetables, and only seemed to eat marmite on toast. She had a horror of oranges. I wonder if she’s still alive!

It makes sense to me, not to include eating as part of a day or evening out, if there are reasons why it's difficult.

Everywhere i go includes food or a coffee out, because i enjoy it.

There's no way I'd pay for a meal and be unable to do it justice.

I like feed. But certain foods don't like my digestive system. Do I'm always looking and dissecting the menu. Simple foods for me. In small portions. Thd portions you get these days are huge. Big fat chips. Thick sandwiches. Thick Americanised pizzas (sorry America). total turn off for me I'm afraid.

I stopped going out with my sister because , although I checked she was going for lunch , she waited till I had ordered , then ordered a coffee for herself !
So there I was with a plateful while she sipped her coffee
Now I invite her for coffee , having had my lunch

Jennifer Eccles Over the last few years portion sizes in restaurants have got so large that I find it off putting. It amazes me to be honest, just how much food some people can put away. No wonder there’s an obesity crisis.

I agree that food portions are larger. It's very strange considering the cost of food has gone up and most supermarket items are subject to 'shrinkflation'. You get a smaller amount for the same price.

My local bakers have a display area full of cream cakes, doughnuts, pastries etc. But THE SIZE OF THEM! They are at least twice as big as they used to be. We used to buy about 10-12 cream cakes when it was someone's birthday at work, but you couldn't do that now. I wouldn't be offering a work colleague a doughnut the size of a birthday cake even if she would eat it!

I used to have a great appetite when I was young and if I was out with my late mum I would finish her food. Now, at 69, although I still love my food J too can only eat small portions and am often overrated. Luckily, my 6 foot 5 son- in -law is happy to help out

Growing0ldDisgracefully

I used to enjoy food and eating out but since having to have dentures there's very little I can manage to eat now, always much slower than other people so I still have more than half a plateful left while everyone else has finished. And often there are things I am served up I simply can't eat, so end up pushing it round the plate pretending to eat it and then to avoid embarrassment I say I'm full and can't eat anything more. So please consider that those who aren't 'tucking in' with gusto and clearing their plates may have good reasons for what they are doing. I can assure you it is pure torture to have to leave the plate or table while still hungry, and being judged for it as well isn't nice. Tbh, I now try to avoid any social occasions where eating is a major part of the occasion.

Absolutely spot on. I don't see why anyone should be bothered if people don't tuck in and demolish their food. There is sometimes a very good reason, but no-one seems to think of that. Just leave the picky eaters alone.

I'd sooner sit at a table with a non-eater than a glutton. I hate watching greedy people shovelling it in. Puts me right off my meal. I'm just a normal eater myself, neither one extreme or the other. I enjoy my food but don't enjoy bad table manners.

My dad said "I eat to live, I don't live to eat" which is a good mantra.