Feeling forced into a social event

I'm just wondering if your DH has heard him talking about this restaurant & said "oh that sounds good", never dreaming that he'd go ahead & book up for you all. Maybe DH doesn't even remember.
That might explain why the man thinks he's doing you all a favour by arranging this & insisting on it.
If you do go, I hope you have a reasonably nice time, you have DH & your friends there.You won't need a new outfit, there are very few places these days where you can't get away with something already in your wardrobe.

hollysteers and others I really don't like going out at night. I fall sound asleep at about 9pm. On the other hand I'm wide awake at 5am! I'm a lark and my body clock has always been like that. It's inconvenient at times but usually suits our lifestyle fine.
Meanwhile I've two more lunches out organised to look forward to.

I would just say I can't go and let your husband go on his own if he's keen.

Aveline

hollysteers and others I really don't like going out at night. I fall sound asleep at about 9pm. On the other hand I'm wide awake at 5am! I'm a lark and my body clock has always been like that. It's inconvenient at times but usually suits our lifestyle fine.
Meanwhile I've two more lunches out organised to look forward to.

I understand.

I prefer to be in our home & garden after 5pm. I very much dislike dinners out. I'd refuse to attend, those who wish may attend. End of.

Go, don't go, if you choose to go, be polite and try, hard though it maybe, to enjoy the evening.

I don't know what all the fuss is to be honest, I would enjoy the food and wine, I would not try to take over the conversation to make things awkward.

Your husband has a tongue in his head, he could have said no, it's not all on your husbands friend.

There’s a difference between “feeling forced” and being forced.

I know

Just go. You might enjoy it after all. Sometimes it’s worth making an effort to please others.

You say this person is not your DH's boss but are you sure your DH doesn't want to go for the sake of work relationships in general? One night out is not a big deal really is it? If your DH wants to go then I think you should just suck it up and go with good grace and be cheerful. If your DH definitely does not want to go then it's up to him to tell the organiser exactly that, end of story.

Just say you have got something on that you can't get out of. No need to elaborate...

My sympathy….we have this with a neighbour we have nothing in common with and would sadly consider quite obnoxious, each summer. My husband is more prepared to tolerate it than I am. Last year I decided to be ‘me’ at the event and behave not rudely or unsociably, but in a way that was more genuine, if that makes sense. Often I think we don’t want to go because we think we will be a square peg in a round hole and not our true selves. I’ve decided that if I have to keep going each year, I will no longer pretend to ‘be like them’, agree with everything that’s said just to fit in…over drink ridiculously…I’m not a similar person and if they don’t like me as I am, they can always stop inviting me (hurrah).

Oh how I feel for you. I would be the same. I hate false social events, a bit like get togethers at work. Couldn't wait to leave and was usually the first to do so. You could always feign illness, although I dont wish you ill.

I will go. The date is now set. I don't like alcohol so will remain sober and generally will be no fun but will try to remain pleasant. DH has already said that this will be a one off event and not to be repeated.

Well that's a comfort and might make it easier...

I hope you enjoy yourself and tell us how it goes!

Aveline

I can only think that out putative host is unembarrassable! I'm past being concerned about being 'cool'.
Re the other couple: I've been in communication with them and they do feel the same, if not worse, than us. It's not going to be a great night out.

I would concentrate on the other couple as they are of the same mind as you.

I'll let you know how it went. The date is set in a few weeks time.

Aveline

I will go. The date is now set. I don't like alcohol so will remain sober and generally will be no fun but will try to remain pleasant. DH has already said that this will be a one off event and not to be repeated.

Sometimes the event you are not looking forward to turns out to be a really good time. Just try to be open minded about the whole thing. If at 9 you feel too tired, just tell the others and leave or keep yawning until they feel tired too!

Others have said that sometimes an event you have no expectations of turns out to be quite good fun. But if you set your mind against it right from the start, you can be sure you’ll be miserable and make your dinner companions miserable too. Is it really so hard just to follow through on a social obligation that comes about through a work colleague, with good grace? Are the people that you do know like, not worth a couple of hours of your time?

I get why work colleagues might want to spend a bit more time getting to know each other outside of the working environment. Perhaps if the partners really find that they have nothing much to say to each other, you can suggest that the men get together on their own another time?

Know and like

Let us know how it goes Aveline, slap on a big smile 😃 and you might find yourself enjoying it.
All sounds rather nice to me and if you are promised no more, no never, then eat, drink and be merry.

As lowly local authority workers we never went out socially unless it was to eat sandwiches on the bench outside the building …. Had to be quick as lunch was only 3/4 of an hour.

You got to go outside? Lucky things. We ate 'al desko'! Happy days.

Just a thought, we don't eat a big meal in the evenings. Can you suggest a lunch meal instead?

Aveline

You got to go outside? Lucky things. We ate 'al desko'! Happy days.

I worked for an LA years ago and we used to socialise outside work