Toughening up! How do you deal with it?

I think the clue is in 'difficult entitled niece'.. knowing that she is like that I don't think you should be surprised or upset about her behaviour.. It doesn't reflect badly on you at all.. It probably wouldn't have made any difference if you had had a clever retort ready.. the secret now is not to beat yourself up... it's her bad behaviour and others presumably witnessed it...

Please,just say to yourself"non-conflict mode" and walk away.

When I was young I started work in an office. My boss was a dreadfully rude man. I tried to ignore it most of the time, until he called me 🤬🤬🤬 I asked him if misogyny was one of the subjects he took at college, because if he did he must have sailed through his degree! He didn’t know what to say. Needless to say, I left as soon as I found another job.

My neighbour was spoken to very rudely by a passer by when he was walking his dog. He looked the man up and down and said " Have you forgotten to take your tablets today". The man looked taken aback and walked on.

I don't really go anywhere for anyone to be rude to me, these days.

The gp receptionist huffs and puffs at me, so I just say I'm sorry I'm such a nuisance.

That means she feels obliged to say, "No, you're not at all".

One day she'll probably snap and say ,"don't be so bloody stupid!" I guess.

Which charm school did you go to?
You should ask for a refund!

My brother had some argy bargy in a car park with an ignoramous, and as we walked away he said to the guy, I hope your next shits a hedgehog!

When I was very much younger and for a few years married to man with a very rude father who repeatedly insulted me and showed he had contempt for any views I held on almost any subject - I decided not to react and carried on saying what I thought and acting they way I always did. He escalated, I acted as if he was being perfectly amicable and ignored words like ridiculous, stupid etc so he further escalated and still didn't manage to get the response he was obviously after. As he did this in public, particularly in front of people we knew, he was the one who looked foolish, I just appeared tolerant. Years later, after the husband was long gone, acquaintances still comment on how vile his father was. I was well shot of the pair of them to be honest but pleased I always kept my cool and good manners. Since then there have been situations where I have called people out for bad behaviour but generally I prefer to ignore it as it's their problem and I don't need to make it mine.

I was once treated very rudely by an assistant in Marks & Spencer‘s. I simply asked her if she was having a bad day, at which she crumpled and confessed that she had left her glasses at home and was not coping at all well without them.

We then had a perfectly amicable And understanding conversation. Sometimes rudeness masks unhappiness and fragility

The long stare and then walk away sounds good to me but whether I'd think of that at the time is another matter.
I did hear someone once ask in response to a rather rude and personal question, "why on earth would you think it's OK to ask a question like that". At this point the rude person went bright red , mumbled a lot and looked as if she wanted the ground to swallow her.

Working in dentistry , I often have to deal with rude patients, which we’re expected to take as sometimes it’s due to nerves and anxiety, or something going on in their lives. I either give them a Paddington hard stare or kill them with kindness , which often throws them.

I have said on more than one occasion you okay! You sound a bit unhinged! That generally stops them in their tracks and then I give them a big smile

One that I have been tempted to use, once or twice:-

Were you born rude or have you had to work at it?

I don't often have to deal with rude adults but when I worked in a secondary school I often delt with rude pupils. One day I got off a chair to help a disabled student. The chair I'd been sitting on had a large brown stain on it and a nearby student said "Oh look! Miss has crapped on the seat!" I told him that he was a mendacious little so and so. He asked me what that meant so I told him to look it up. He looked it up on his phone and said "You just called me a liar!" I said "Yes I did didn't I!" He was never rude to me again!

One student leaving my classroom said "Miss your hair is going very grey!" My response - "Yes and when you're my age you'll probably be bald!" His protestation were ignored.

Sadly I more often thought of the comeback much too late to deliver it, but the well timed responses still make me smile.

I usually ask did you mean that to be funny or just unkind?

Some super responses, I will never remember should I have to use any. Fortunately I have not experienced rude people, perhaps I'm so dozy I don't recognise rudeness and I suppose that in itself is a bit of a put-down.

"Are you talking to me?"
Yeah.
"Yes, I thought you were." and depart.

Baggs

"No filters in you, are there?" said with a smile.

That’s DD2’s favourite retort. Her own daughter just gives a hard stare and says, ‘Rude!’

I usually say, ‘How rude,’ in my best Margot Leadbetter voice.

Or a look as if they were something particularly unpleasant that crawled up out of the sewer.

A swift punch on the nose works if all else fails

Just a chilly look and no response sorts them out.

I once had a would be obscene phone caller ring back to apologise because I scared him so much.

I used to lash back pretty hard and enjoy the reaction.

Nowadays I tend to avoid or ignore people because I dont have the head space for their antics.

I've inherited my mother's 'put down' face - cold and expressionless followed by a slightly raised eyebrow. Then just look them up and down as if you don't quite recognise what you're seeing and turn away.

She once used it on a usually very nice niece who was in a bad mood once day, and then said 'Sorry, I thought you were XXX. but she would never ne so rude' and walked away. Niece never apologised but was never rude again.

Are there not differences in the UK between areas that are more indirect and others that are more direct . Personally, deciphering the difference of who considers what rude or what is just plain speaking can be challenging.

Laugh ,nothing annoys folk more than someone laughing at them.

I don’t really come across many rude people, thankfully, but I’ve always liked a phrase I think I first heard on Mumsnet - ‘Did you mean to be so rude?’ said with a smile on your face.

Sometimes smothering people with love can work, too. I have a neighbour who seems to fall out with lots of people. When she’s been difficult with me I’ve clucked sympathetically and later received an apology from her for overreacting.