Secrets that don't belong to you

It is a very fine line if you have been given safeguarding training and see a friend who is at risk who has confided in you. I have had sleepless nights wondering if I should seek help on her behalf, and in the end I did think her safety was more important, even if it meant I lost a friendship.

I kept a secret until the death of person who shared their secret with me. Then I was faced with a quandary as the person who was central to the secret was not aware of the secret. If I had stayed silent the secret would have been disclosed by the central person, as they were giving the eulogy. I chose to tell this person, who was horrified and said they would have to radically alter the eulogy. If I had not disclosed what I knew, many people would have been hurt and upset during the funeral service and forever after. I have never spoken about the secret since.

My mother was told by her niece in a letter that she ( the niece) was dying of an incurable cancer. In capital letters she wrote Do Not Tell Mum and Dad. My Mum was so torn but she kept the secret. Such a shock for the poor parents when their daughter died. She lived abroad.

My friend has just died (by suicide) and the secrets they told me have died with them. I think I should have told someone, but I didn't and I have to live with it.

It's difficult when your own high values come to bite you in the ass!

I was told a secret by a friend. Her very nosy next door neighbour tried to grill me to confirm his suspicions.
I told him that if she wanted him to know anything she would have told him.

00opsidia

My friend has just died (by suicide) and the secrets they told me have died with them. I think I should have told someone, but I didn't and I have to live with it.

It's difficult when your own high values come to bite you in the ass!

Your friend chose to share secrets with and then committed suicide.. This not your responsibility and you should not bear any burden of remorse.. you acted like a trustworthy friend ...

It is doubtful if the suicide would have been prevented whatever action you took. You are not to blame . That person was totally responsible for their own actions.

The secret was told me 20 years ago, I doubt whether the suicide was related although it could be guilt related?

My friend's family have questioned me, but I couldn't....

My grandmother told me some family secrets and asked me not to discuss it with anyone "while Im alive". I kept the secret for over 40 years and until long after her death. I have secrets of my own and they will go with me to the grave.

The galling thing for me is to keep a secret for years and then others coming up to me and telling me the same ‘secret’.

So much for me being the only one she told.

I'm so sorry about your friend Oopsadaisy .

It's dreadful that happened 00opsidia, what a burden.

I worked in a Polytechnic many years ago. A colleague came to sit with me at lunch-time and told me he knew the person responsible for some random acts of vandalism on staff cars.
That night he went home and committed suicide. Apparently he'd been having an affair and his wife had found out. It was all very strange.

It upset me for a very long time and I've never forgotten it.

A friend told us he had a mistress and child in another country.
We are godparents to his daughter.

We begged him to come clean but he wouldn’t, we refused contact with him.

Eventually it all imploded and we were caught in the crossfire.
It was many months before our goddaughter would listen to our side of the story, she understood and we are close now.

Her father (the friend) has passed,I think he may have had a little time in purgatory before being allowed upstairs.

It was an awful secret to keep but I did tell him if I was asked outright by his wife or daughter I would tell them.

Truth to tell, I really wish people wouldn't confide in one another because it's a sure way to lose a friend. I don't gossip or give other people's secrets away but, almost every time someone has told me something in confidence, the person whose "secret" I know has had second thoughts and pretty much cut me out of their circle. I think it's a version of "No good deed goes unpunished". As soon as they perceive that you "have something over" on them, the suspicion sets in that you have the power to harm them. In effect, you become the bad guy and they try to distance you from their lives. Through no fault of your own, you find yourself outside the Magic Circle. It's also worth bearing in mind that nobody ever tells their secrets to just one person. If 2 or more people know the secret and it gets out, you can't ever know for sure which confidante betrayed your trust. If you don't want anyone to know a certain thing, keep it strictly to yourself!

I've kept various friends deepest secrets for many years .
One has a daughter who is her husband's.
I often wonder if he's guessed .
I hope not .

Sorry a daughter who is not her husband's !

Oopsadaisy1

The galling thing for me is to keep a secret for years and then others coming up to me and telling me the same ‘secret’.

So much for me being the only one she told.

Yes I have found that, really annoying

I don’t share secrets as I trust no one other than myself- lead a boring life really, so nothing major to hide, I don’t like to be in the think of things really

Mt61

I don’t share secrets as I trust no one other than myself- lead a boring life really, so nothing major to hide, I don’t like to be in the think of things really

Thick

Esmay that's a huge secret!!

Esmay

Sorry a daughter who is not her husband's !

Many years ago, a dear friend went to a fortune teller, who told her that she had a child who was not her husband's. My friend's daughter was an adopted child. She always wondered how the fortune teller knew?

Back on topic, fifty years ago a close friend told me her childhood secret, something that her husband and adult children do not know. I would never tell them, it's her secret.

I keep two secrets for friends, I will never tell anyone what they are as I have promised not to.

Esmay, with so many people doing DNA tests now it’s quite likely that will not stay a secret for ever.

I worry about getting dementia and then breaking confidences. Prefer not to hear secrets any more just in case.

Oh! That's a big secret @Esmay. Could come out on it's own one day even with you being a good secret keeper.

So many people I know have done Ancestry DNA tests and had a shock.

I don't want any more people to tell me their secrets either. They are heavy to carry.