My 4mo grandson cries relentlessly

My DS2 cried constantly until he was 6 months old.His elder brother hardly cried at all but has what I think is a form of autism , not diagnosed in those days (he is now 54)
DS2 is now a father and grandfather, holds down a steady job, and is well liked by all for his friendliness and easy going manner.
DS1 is exactly the opposite

Attachment parenting is popular, baby carried in a sling with a parent most of the time. Leaving babies to cry it out is unpopular. I don’t see it as mollycoddling . I didn’t leave mine to cry and ‘learn to self soothe. I think they learn no one comes when they’re distressed, don’t see how that’s beneficial to the babe.
I’m unclear why you’ve not talked this over with your daughter and sil. That needs to happen, best of luck

Callistemon21

^If kids are constantly fussed over or stimulated they are unable to settle by themselves^

If you'd had to deal with a baby with colic, fretful in the day, screaming night after night, you wouldn't say that.

What? My firstborn was a screamer! The health visitor checked him out and could find no reason for his constant crying. He was breastfed, gaining weight, not sickly etc. he looked the picture of health.

We can laugh about it now but the first time my husband took him out by himself on a dog walk he screamed blue murder. People came out of their cottages nearby to see what was going on! He had been fed, burped, clean nappied etc.

My SIL had her first baby a month later and they could go anywhere and she just slept or gurgled. My SIL used to say she couldn’t cope with a crying baby and when we went out together with the babies it was very stressful as he was always crying.

We had many months of this and other checks by GP who said he could find no cause but fortunately the baby was very quick at reaching all his milestones and talked really early and the crying just stopped. He is such a quiet person to this day so still no idea what was going on.

My eldest baby was a colic baby I was in a foreign country with an uncaring husband who was out most of the time and I was green as grass with no idea I nearly went mad she was way past colic age about 7 months …in the end the doctor gave her three days of sedatives ( I m sure they wouldn’t do that now) but it seemed to calm everything down
As an adult she has never liked milk or milk products !!!

Trapped wind, causing a baby to cry relentlessly, or sometimes particularly at tea time ( for some reason) may be due to misalignment, and is easily remedied by cranial osteopathy.

This must be hard to cope with. Your daughter and son in law must be finding it hard too, may be that's why they try and keep him close by so that he doesn't cry and life is easier for them.
It is more common than you would think but does get better with time. Hope for your sake its not much longer!

You may find the Cry-sis website useful www.cry-sis.org.uk

The swaddling thing was all new to me too Primrose. As you say, apparently only until they can roll over. I found myself in unknown territory when I became a granny last year - all so different from almost 40 years ago!

If kids are constantly fussed over or stimulated they are unable to settle by themselves

If you'd had to deal with a baby with colic, fretful in the day, screaming night after night, you wouldn't say that.

Jewelrnca you say he is colicky;
Perhaps he has a milk allergy or could even be coeliac,

Despite what anyone might say, I am 100% convinced that gluten passes through into breast milk.

Or perhaps, as Granarchist says, trying goat's milk could help him.

For him to be so miserable needs some investigation.
Poor little chap - and poor you (I can sympsthise, one of my DC had colic).

Germanshepherdsmum

If he’s used to being treated differently by his parents, and doesn’t cry with them, have you tried the swaddling which they do?

Recently swaddling babies keeps coming up on my FB feed. It fascinates me to see how their little arms are folded down by their sides then they are wrapped up tight. Best part though is seeing them do a massive stretch when the swaddling cloths come off. 🙂

It appears swaddling is only suitable for about 4 months anyway because once they start to roll over it can be very dangerous because they are stuck there.

Mine used to sleep in a gingham padded sleep nest from Mothercare and they could still move their arms and hands.

My youngest was exactly the same - it was grim. Health visitor suggested goat's milk which was transformative. Within 24 hrs we had a content baby. With hindsight maybe if I had come off dairy products myself that might have done the trick too. Getting her to take a bottle was an interesting experience too!!

There’s no mention of the parents giving him a bottle. I suspect lactose intolerance. Can Mum express enough breast milk for you to feed him with? Otherwise, if keeping him close like the parents do doesn’t do the trick I would suggest he’s checked for lactose intolerance. Don’t keep the crying secret from the parents, they should know about the problem.

They don’t let him cry which means they keep him in a swaddle to their chest, bounce on exercise balls, continuously interact and entertain him. HELP

This says a lot to me. They are not “entertaining” him but he is clearly a baby who thrives on physical contact.
Deliberately or accidentally, I sense this is not something you are in sympathy with but it is THEIR style.
You may have to step back if it doesn’t work for you.
Letting babies “cry out” might be Gina Ford or Dr Spock, but many parents no longer subscribe to this and prefer to carry their baby around for long periods in a sling.

The baby may sense your tension, which is understandable, there cannot be much wrong if he doesn’t cry with your husband or his parents.

One of my children used to cry a great deal as a baby .
Her poo was very frequent , smelly and frothy .
Otherwise , she gained weight and developed normally .
First of all , I asked the midwife and the obstetrician if it was normal . Later several paediatricians and various doctors .
Each time , I was told that I was a neurotic first time mother .
She was intolerant to lactose and gluten .
Now she has a more dramatic reaction to both .
She's been on a special diet for years .
It runs in my mother's side of the family. Countless relatives have coeliac disease , but tolerate lactose . Some have a lactose intolerance , but are OK with gluten .
It's worth voicing your concerns .

What is in the bottle feed, Jewel? It sounds like possible allergy to me.

If he’s used to being treated differently by his parents, and doesn’t cry with them, have you tried the swaddling which they do?

You state you don't tell the parents that this baby cries continually for fear of 'upsetting them' but the baby who has no control over what is going on, is clearly upset.

Tell the parents! Ask their advice because, as some have said, they may not be telling you either for the same reasons.

It may be nothing, but a cows milk allergy may be the issue. This happened to my great niece hen she was given formula milk by babysitters, including myself.

If you are also still working, as you say, in a busy hospital department then you deserve some stress refief, not more stress!

Be kind to yourself and the baby. It isn't your responsibility.

Has the baby seen a GP?

If he doesnt have any problems, and he doesnt cry with your DH but does with you, I would stop.

I certainly agree, check out for lactose intolerance. DGS2 was an utterly miserable baby when he was first given milk to get him used to it before his mum went back to work 3 days a week. At just turned 3, he can now tolerate dairy products (milk ladder) but still hasn’t had real @milk except Oatly. Breastfed till 20 months.

Primrose53

I think the answer may lie in your last sentence Jewelrnca. We live near a young couple with 3 small children. They can’t do anything without the kids strapped to them. At one point he had a newborn strapped on his front, one on his back and another round his neck! He has now managed to get the biggest one to walk a short distance. At the weekend he was hoovering out his car and cleaning inside with the baby hanging off him. I asked if it might be easier if she sat in a buggy or pram and he said she would just scream for hours! If kids are constantly fussed over or stimulated they are unable to settle by themselves. If the baby is gaining weight and looks healthy then I think you need to ask your daughter what she thinks and gently question if he is used to being entertained all the time.

I do agree, but this baby is still quite young. But he’s clearly become so used to being close to his mummy and daddy he’s struggling.

Maggiemaybe

You have my sympathy, Jewelrnca. Following on from perfect baby DD1, so easy to care for that I thought I was the perfect mother , DD2 was a shock. Even in the post-natal ward she’d be wheeled out of the night nursery because she was waking the other babies. Just as you describe above, unless I had her strapped to me (and even sometimes when I did) she cried constantly and rarely slept. No obvious medical problems. My district nurse asked me to keep a diary of her days and then told me a baby couldn’t possibly sleep so little and cry so much (helpful!). We never did get to the bottom of it, but at 6 months we suddenly turned a corner and from then on she was the most laidback, contented child anyone could wish for. Fingers crossed for you!

This made me smile! I had two perfect babies and was putting myself forward as mother of the year haha. Two more babies arrived to assure I’d never win this award.

Both cried relentlessly, didn’t sleep and were awful babies/toddlers! With 23 months between then if one did get to sleep the other woke them up.

OP I have no advice other than don’t get too stressed, it will pass. Have you thought about using a baby carrier too?

I think the answer may lie in your last sentence Jewelrnca. We live near a young couple with 3 small children. They can’t do anything without the kids strapped to them. At one point he had a newborn strapped on his front, one on his back and another round his neck! He has now managed to get the biggest one to walk a short distance. At the weekend he was hoovering out his car and cleaning inside with the baby hanging off him. I asked if it might be easier if she sat in a buggy or pram and he said she would just scream for hours! If kids are constantly fussed over or stimulated they are unable to settle by themselves. If the baby is gaining weight and looks healthy then I think you need to ask your daughter what she thinks and gently question if he is used to being entertained all the time.

Drina01

My Grandaughter was like that from day 1 to the point I had to speak for my Daughter once at GPs as she was so exhausted. After seeing a paediatric consultant for all of 20 minutes she was prescribed Alimentum (Similac) milk powder (quite expensive but was on prescription) which was amazing proving she couldn’t break down protein in both breast and other powder milk. (If you think of protein as a long chain, it needed to be cut into manageable pieces for her - hypothetically). She never looked back and at 9 years eats anything (including cows milk and associated products), and is a wonderful girl. GP didn’t have a clue but at least did the right thing by referring. The milk has a distinctive smell (advised to put a little vanilla extract in - for our benefit really !) but never put granddaughter off feeding.

Exactly this, I would strongly suggest an allergy.

My Grandaughter was like that from day 1 to the point I had to speak for my Daughter once at GPs as she was so exhausted. After seeing a paediatric consultant for all of 20 minutes she was prescribed Alimentum (Similac) milk powder (quite expensive but was on prescription) which was amazing proving she couldn’t break down protein in both breast and other powder milk. (If you think of protein as a long chain, it needed to be cut into manageable pieces for her - hypothetically). She never looked back and at 9 years eats anything (including cows milk and associated products), and is a wonderful girl. GP didn’t have a clue but at least did the right thing by referring. The milk has a distinctive smell (advised to put a little vanilla extract in - for our benefit really !) but never put granddaughter off feeding.