Do I deserve this treatment.

So you didn't get a big, special, laid-out tea. You were invited to their home, and given something adequate. Perhaps your daughter and her husband will realise how ungrateful and entitled you seem, and not bother to ask you next time.

I must confess Jolly Sailor, I felt very down yesterday. I have 3 AC and didn’t receive any cards or flowers. I do a lot for them, including paying for a family holiday each year, which we go on this coming weekend. So I suppose I was feeling unappreciated and ‘ owed ‘ at least a card ! Having read all the replies to your post, I would agree that you are being unreasonable. An invitation to one of their homes for soup, cake and coffee would have made my day. However, the replies have also made me think that the occasion is perhaps over-hyped for commercial reasons. One of my son’s birthday is in March and when he was younger I used to joke that if he forgot Mothers Day, I would forget his birthday ! It always worked then ! Another thing I used to say was that I would love flowers while I’m alive not at my funeral ! Not necessarily or only on Mothers Day of course. It hasn’t happened. But, I will stop feeling sorry for myself now and look forward to seeing all my lovely grandchildren at the weekend. 😁

Jaxjacky
Exactly!
And no offence would have been taken.

Well you must have a different relationship with your children from the one I have with mine, no dressing up for a start. Secondly, if I’d expected something else I’d have made a joke about it and it may well have ended up as one of those family tales we all still laugh about.

Her first, and probably last, post I think. The username is a bit of a misnomer.

Aveline

Actually it sounds exactly like a high tea ie a hot course followed by cakes.

Yes, that's what I mean. Different names for the same thing. Is it worth being hurt because someone used a word you wouldn't have, or that you got the wrong end of the stick? They offered food and made you welcome.

I think the OP has disappeared though 🤔

Actually it sounds exactly like a high tea ie a hot course followed by cakes.

People have very different ways of describing meals, so 'afternoon tea' could easily have meant 'something to eat in the afternoon'.

Some genuine questions (if the OP is still reading). Why does it matter - you were made to feel welcome? Would you have refused to go if your daughter had invited you for soup and cake? What did you say to your other daughter, and why was she 'disgusted'? Did you bring them up to feel 'disgust' at the 'wrong' good being served (or the 'right' food being served at the wrong time)? Does your daughter have as much time as you did when you made High Tea for your own mum, or does working and running a house and family mean that her weekends are very busy? What (if anything) do you plan to do to make her feel less hurt that you have been talking behind her back to her sister about your disappointment at the kind gesture she made to you?

My own mum is impossible to buy for, or to please when it comes to MD, birthdays, Christmas etc. My sister and I try hard not to be hurt, but it does feel like rejection when nothing we do or buy is right. I would really like to understand what makes people so ungrateful, and if they realise how hurtful their behaviour can be.

What does it matter what food was served? You were invited and spent time with your family. Yes I do believe you are being unreasonable.
What good can one of you winding up your other daughter to be ‘disgusted and wanted to say something”? Very strange behaviour imo

ES from our youngest son and only GC for more than 11 years, and with DS in Australia, I'd have been thankful for anything TBH Jollysailor.

I hope your other D doesn't tell her sister how disappointed you were.

Unusual choice having soup for afternoon tea but that is what she chose to serve, the food would not have made a difference to the gesture, she invited you over for tea and you had tea.

Agree with Maggiemaybe. It almost sounds like a children's tea, I wouldn't have been expecting soup either. But now you know what to expect in future you won't be disappointed because you'll be prepared. Hope you sent a message telling DD how nice it was to be invited.

Wait a while and someone will tell you there are worse things happening in the world 😄

It's a shame that you went with expectations of something different. You were invited, fed and they treated you well. You then proceeded to complain to your other daughter..

Bad move.. it'll come back on you and quite rightly..

It depends on your daughter and Son-Law's circumstances. Maybe they genuinely couldn't afford to give you the lavish expensive day you think you had the right to have, maybe a soup cake and drink is all they could afford to give you.

Be grateful you have a family.

Both my parents, who I never really knew and got on with anyway have been dead for god knows how many years, I literally have no other family - no brothers/sisters, aunts/uncles, no cousins etc. etc., absolutely NOBODY. I'm happily married but child-free by choice, my husband is the only family I have, and he's by law, not blood.

Please count your blessings and start growing up.

Sorry littleannie not lianne.

Littleannie

I think you should count your blessings. Last Mother's Day I had a text from my son which said "Why don't you die Mother? The sooner you're dead the better as nobody will miss you". Soup and a cup of tea would be lovely for me.

So sorry Lianne, it brings home that Mothering Sunday is not a happy day for everyone.
I would look at it that you were invited on Mothers day, your daughter did not treat you badly, you just had high expectations. I would change my thoughts on this and ensure I kept good relations with my daughter. I would tell my other daughter to back off.

I think you should count your blessings. Last Mother's Day I had a text from my son which said "Why don't you die Mother? The sooner you're dead the better as nobody will miss you". Soup and a cup of tea would be lovely for me.

I would probably have expected more, but we all have different ideas. It was nice to be invited anyway. I wouldn't have said to my other daughter. But we all make mistakes, hindsights a wonderful thing.

Sounds like it’s the first time she’s hosted an “”afternoon tea”. May be she just gave you what she’d expect from such a meal.

I agree, it is overhyped, oddly when our children were little, we were more likely to do something for Father’s Day, mainly I think because the weather was nicer, also coincided with two family birthdays, but never a big deal

halfpint1

I would not be happy to have a bowl of soup with a cup of tea and a small cake

what size cake would be acceptable ?

I suggest you read the post from mamagill, then you might not feel so disappointed by your Mothers’ Day tea.

I would have no hope of spending Mother’s Day with both my two as they’re both 10,000 miles away. However, you wouldn’t believe the amount of daffodils arrived through M&S from my daughter and my son had arranged tulips, chocolates and candle delivered via Waitrose. I’m amazed they even knew it was Mother’s Day here as it’s different in Australia. Sometimes the distance seems so much less - bless them.

I spent yesterday alone.. did receive flowers from DD and she’s coming up to visit me later this week.. count your blessings OP

I find the sort of teas we had at home as children don't really figure in the household of DC, they are the sort of teas that are eaten out in tearooms. I wish you hadn't mentioned any of it to your other DD, I find the older I get the better silence is golden sounds. Just let it go.