Innocent question has left me depressed

I was widowed at 51 nearly 7 years ago. I can't see anyone ever being interested in me with my health conditions. I'm not old but feel it. I don't want anyone else, but I am lonely. The thought of potentially many years on my own does get me down. I've got family and friends but it's not the same.

My husband died six years ago, after 47 happy years. A dear friend had died the year before, and now her husband and I meet half way (we are 200 miles apart) occasionally. We talk on the phone every day, and are very happy with this arrangement. Neither of us wants to move, as we have our own activities at home. I think we are therapy for each other.

A long time married and a long time a widow. I certainly haven't wanted anyone else to share my life - when you have had the best, second best is no substitute! I have had offers, but prefer to just have the odd dinner or theatre date. It would be nice to have someone on hand to do a lot of jobs I no longer can, but not a live-in help!

I'm in my seventies too, and every time I take garden rubbish to the council dump, there are at least two men (not the same ones every time) obviously looking for women of our ages.

I suspect they think I am a widow, as due to poor health my husband is not all that visible as he seldom goes out. When I mention that these hopefuls could come round for a cuppa and that I am sure my husband will be pleased to meet them, as he doesn't get out all that much, they vanish at the rate of knots.

So perhaps you could find the equivalent in your area of our council dump!

I suspect there are more divorced or widowed men than we think looking for company too.

More seriously; have you considered a pet? They do make the house feel less empty, although they don't supply human fellowship.

Visgir1

My Grandmother was 80 when, Grandad died. A couple of years later she was living in a Retirement flat, that had a Community lounge. She would occasionally call in for coffee with her zimmer frame, she always kept her pinny on, and never was one to "doll" (her words) up.
After a short while an old chap moved in. He too occasionally popped into the lounge for coffee and companionship.
He was recently Widower, but he decided my Nan was a interesting funny lady, so he always sat with her much to the displeasure of the other smartly dressed, made up ladies. She had a lot to say about that!

That companionship lasted 9 years, they ended up eating together, spending the day together he became part of the family.
His daughters didn't particularly take to my straight speaking Northern lass Nan, with her "pinny" and colourful language.

She eventually had to go into a Care home due to falls, he would visit every day rain or shine. The Care home even fed him, they still say together, holding hands every day.

When she died, 6 weeks later he did too.
We all cared for "Arthur" he kept Nan happy. She was a wonderful, comical lady and deserved to be happy.
It's never too late to be happy with a special person.

What a wonderful story!

Companionship is what’s important. I really couldn’t be bothered training another man but meeting up with anyone who shares interests and has a wicked sense of humour and shares political views on an ad hoc basis sounds perfect.

My mother was widowed at 58 and had male friends, particularly my father's oldest friend, but all platonic until she was in her mid 80s when she met a lovely man and spent a couple of very happy years with him before her death at 88
It may just happen for you, you can't force it. Just make the most of your friends and don't fret about what you don't have.

Awww this is so lovely, the care and love shone through your post. 🤗

Sorry... i meant to put Visgirl

I was 64 when the love of my life died after forty years of marriage. Part of me died too because we were so close. He used to say that if he had a dirty thought I would know it. Although I met a few men I could not contemplate another relationship.
At first I was very busy setting to rights my bungalow which had been let for twelve years whilst we were abroad for twelve years and then I travelled both at home and abroad-visiting friends and family until I was eighty two when Arthritis forced me to give up. I have never felt the need to have another man in my life.

Bijou

I was 64 when the love of my life died after forty years of marriage. Part of me died too because we were so close. He used to say that if he had a dirty thought I would know it. Although I met a few men I could not contemplate another relationship.
At first I was very busy setting to rights my bungalow which had been let for twelve years whilst we were abroad for twelve years and then I travelled both at home and abroad-visiting friends and family until I was eighty two when Arthritis forced me to give up. I have never felt the need to have another man in my life.

💐

polnan you could have described me. I'm 71 my husband died February 2021 caught Covid in Hospital. I don't mind being on my own and I have three daughters and six grandchildren, I also have quite a few friends.
There are definitely times when I feel alone or lonely. Sad and depressed. People have told me it could still be grief. I have a cat too and she is definitely company. There are times when I'm perfectly OK. It doesnt seem to be triggered by anything in particular.

grandtante Are you really suggesting the council dump is a place to meet potential dates? 😂 That made me laugh.

I think life on one's own isn't too bad nowadays. We have so much available to amuse and distract us
I could be out meeting other old people everyday and I often am. There are clubs and plenty to entertain us.
TV , radio and films to watch.

But a new life partner is a different thing altogether. I cannot imagine meeting anyone new at my age. Mid 70s.
After she retired, a widowed friend was put in touch with an old boyfriend who was also on his own and she sold her house and moved in with him. I think they were happy but sadly she became ill and died leaving him bereft again

I was married and divorced in my twenties when I realised I was not fitted to live with another person in an intimate relationship. Never wanted children - could not see what they were going to contribute to my life.

Some of us are complete in ourselves without needing to be half of a pair.

Ive had relationships where I was quite happy to be a "friend with benefits" and each having our own home. Unfortunately the other person always wanted more (home and children) and I would not commit.

I have met people (including relatives) who are divorced/widowed and would never ask them that insensitive question. The closest I have got is to remark that I enjoy being single and childfree and ask if they feel the same - no mention of going out and "finding" someone.

AGAA4

I have been asked that question a few times. I find it insensitive to ask someone if they wanted another relationship when they are widowed as it can make them feel that something is lacking.
In my own case the answer has always been a resounding No but I can understand that it can cause you to feel unsettled.
If you felt happy enough before the question was asked wait a while before looking at dating sites and see how you feel in a month or so.

It's insensitive to ask it of anyone. I now know I enjoy being in charge of my own life, and wish I'd realised much sooner.
Asking 'Have met anyone recently?' is not an appropriate question.

I enjoy male company and meals out and concerts would be nice but I could never imagine having another man live in my house or having a relationship.
DH was one in a million and irreplaceable, why opt for beefburgers when you have been dining on fillet steak.

I have been widowed for seven years and being rather impractical, the responsibility of living alone worries me a little, although family, not near, do help.
I have a friend with benefits 45 miles away. Problem is, I don’t want the benefits😁 just the company…We go away together now and then, but he now has health complaints even though eight years younger and after caring for my DH for a number of years and my own health problems, I really don’t want to burden myself further. I just don’t have the energy for it at 76.

Living alone does have advantages, I enjoy doing my own thing, being in control of the ‘controls’ tv wise and eating what I please. Not sure I could live full time with someone now.

I separated after my ex had an affair, and eventually divorced. We'd been married almost 19 years and I've been single again for about the same length of time. At first I thought I couldn't cope alone as a single mum with teenagers. I looked at dating sites online but most of the men seemed to only want one thing, and eventually I realised I didn't need anyone else. My teenagers are now adults and one of them has given me grandchildren though sadly they live at the other end of the country. My DD has lived with me for the last 18 months but is about to move to Dubai for a new job so I'll be alone again. However I have plenty friends, a busy life and plans to move nearer DS and his family when the time is right.

There are times when I wish I had someone special but I know I am OK by myself. I have friends who are divorced who seem desperate to find a man or who struggle living alone so I am lucky that I'm happily single. I also have friends who have always been single and they have carved out a life for themselves too.

It seems this sadness has been set off by an innocent question making you question your whole life, yet you were happy enough before. I hope you can regain your equilibrium, enjoy your friends and social activities and find happiness again without the need for a special someone. I know I'll probably never have another special someone but I am content with my life and I hope you can find that contentment too.

We are all different, a friend was widowed young with 2 daughters, she was and still is attractive so I asked her why she didn’t remarry.

“I’ve had several serious boyfriends but my husband left me well provided for so no need for money, but to be honest I’ve never met a man I wanted to live with. Now the girls have left home I do feel lonely sometimes but work part time, I have my friends and holiday with them”

Lucky to be able to choose, many of us aren’t, her husbands life insurance was good.

If you want someone in your life then it's your choice .

You might meet someone or you might not socialising as you normally do or diberately seek someone .

Whatever is right for you .

It's amazing how an innocent comment can make you feel depressed .

When I got off the bus the other day a lady that I know by sight said ,
" I didn't realise that you were so disabled ."
I was quite happy and upbeat before my mood quickly deteriorated .

I have accidentally solved this dilemma by acquiring a "retired" Gay Male 'best friend'. Too old to be my son, but younger than me. He lives alone as I do. We are both members of a couple of organisations, which we attend together. While I still drive, but only locally and never in the dark, we share my car -he acts as chauffeur for me, seeing to car maintenance, taking me shopping once a week, always followed by lunch out. Also is a super dancing partner, whiz at solving computer problems, shifting furniture, etc. and a great listening ear. Suits us perfectly.

A lovely relaxed friend to have Granny23
I have a bachelor friend too. He's a bit older than me but comes out every Friday for supper and a glass of wine. He brings the ingredients.
He was DH friend too so we go back a long way. Definitely no love interest but nice to not always have female friends.

Beckett:

'being in my middle 70s and never meeting any single men my age, I know that is never going to happen.'

Never say never - as you really don't know what (or who) is around the corner. There are plenty of single men of your age around here - just join a walking group or walk a dog and you'll meet some!