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For couples ... sleep together or sleep apart? ?

(123 Posts)
Urmstongran Tue 24-Dec-19 00:18:13

Sleep is the most selfish thing that we can do. You can’t share your sleep with anybody, so why share your bed?

Double?
Singles?
Separate rooms perhaps?

We share a bed in the U.K. but not out in Spain - we have two singles - for many months it’s so darned hot!

Which do you choose?

Caro57 Tue 24-Dec-19 20:21:55

Would love separate rooms but get grumbled at even if I move when I can’t sleep and want to sit up and read!

Fennel Tue 24-Dec-19 20:26:31

First , I envy you who sleep in the same bed, with cuddles etc when you feel like it. I think it's the ideal way if we're lucky enough to still be together in old age.
That's one of the main comforts of marriage.
We have separate beds since some of my health problems, and his now.But I do miss the closeness of a shared bed.

Ninarosa Tue 24-Dec-19 20:32:08

Spark ? Granny Activist. Mine fizzled out long ago. We have a superking bed, my half of the duvet is 13.5 , his is 6.5. Most mornings I wake up more than a little peed off with him for some nighttime misdemeanour, and I include the obvious marital shenanigans in this. There are just so many ways his nocturnal leanings annoy me, where as I'm the perfect bedfellow.

Tedber Tue 24-Dec-19 20:35:53

Funny question Urmstongran...

Before I married at 21 I could never ever imagine sharing a room never mind a bed with anyone else! When I got married, I still felt same but all my friends said same " Too odd to have separate bedrooms" We didn't and I got used to sharing my bed...eventually!

When my husband died I simply could not get 'used' to sleeping alone!

Eventually, I did!

THEN got married again - many years later! Thought I would never get used to sharing a bed again! But... we do share same bed although it is huge and the mattress doesn't move if one of us does so no worries there.

I don't think it matters so long as everyone is happy and gets the sleep they need.

Tiny1 Tue 24-Dec-19 21:19:28

I am appreciating every time I feel his arm around me, every breath. One day it won’t be here. ?

Fenton95 Tue 24-Dec-19 22:58:43

Not had any action for a while now! And different sleep patterns so I would like separate bedrooms. Sounds like bliss.

However, it may reduce any intimacy even further which would be a shame.

Jennyluck Tue 24-Dec-19 23:51:10

Sleep together in a king size bed. But would love a room of my own ?
I’m a really bad sleeper , so would love the luxury of being awake in the middle of the night and not disturbing my husband.

Claudiaclaws Wed 25-Dec-19 00:48:56

We have separate rooms due to health reasons. I have to say I love having my own big bedroom and big bed. DH sleeps in the little roon with all his computer bits and seems quite happy.

Bluebird64 Wed 25-Dec-19 07:31:18

We have an Ikea super-king-size bed (£150 from a friend!) and have two separate mattresses, great as I like a cuppa around 6am and it doesn't disturb my light-sleeper husband. I like the Scandinavian practice of having two separate duvets as well - he's often too hot at night and I feel the cold, so neither has to put up with the other's preference. And our shaggy Lurcher dog, who takes up the space of at least another person, has never complained!

melp1 Wed 25-Dec-19 22:52:46

Start off together but hubby often wakes & moves into another room to read.

eebeew Thu 26-Dec-19 06:42:42

Separate rooms. I’m restless and listen to audios to get ( with EarPods) to get to sleep. He is a light sleeper and I disturb him. I do miss the closeness but he isn’t really a very cuddly person so I’m sure he doesn’t miss it!

eebeew Thu 26-Dec-19 06:47:19

Funny thing is people seem to think it’s odd to have separate rooms. In the past only the poor shared beds so perhaps it is a hangover from the past. The Queen has always had her own room!

beebouncy Fri 27-Dec-19 22:07:29

Can't Imagine having seperate beds or rooms
Even though he follows me around the bed we are both so cuddly and it's an important part of us.
So defo same bed

acanthus Tue 07-Jan-20 11:19:34

In my class of young women taking deportment lessons (ha ha) how we laughed at our rather grand teacher who recommended to we 'gels' that separate rooms were advisable. Now after 50+ years of marriage (happy I should add) how I agree with her. Separate rooms and separate bathrooms - bliss!

lucywinter Tue 07-Jan-20 14:30:05

Together. And long may it continue.

Gagagran Tue 07-Jan-20 14:54:55

I'm a lark who only sleeps fitfully and DH isn't so we changed to separate rooms and it is wonderful to have a big bed to myself where I can stretch out, read in the night when I can't sleep and not have to listen to snoring.

We do have visiting rights to each other's boudoirs and we are both happy with the arrangement. We introduced it after 50+ years of sharing a bed and a room when both of our sleeps were increasingly being disturbed by the other.

It's what suits each couple that matters and what others think about it doesn't matter at all.

threexnanny Tue 07-Jan-20 15:27:11

We sleep together and at first allowed the cat to join us, but the cat getting on and off the bed (using me as a springboard) interrupted my sleep. Then there was the night he'd been out and caught something and brought onto our bed to show us!

BlueSky Tue 07-Jan-20 16:32:08

A super king bed solved the problem. We are together but apart. At times we've got to check we are both still in bed as it's difficult to know!

jura2 Tue 07-Jan-20 16:35:41

Even better, we have two 4'5 doubles put together - brilliant smile

HappyBumbleBee Tue 07-Jan-20 17:17:17

I've always been a snorer and it's something hubby has got used to/been able to sleep through, but now I'm finding between his snoring and passing wind ? I'm getting less and less sleep and it's starting to drive me nuts! I feel a bit bad, because I know I snore, and can be quite loud. But it's never seemed to bother him. I can definitely see us having separate bedrooms in the future - something I would never have even thought about when we were younger!

Jane10 Tue 07-Jan-20 17:33:41

Saw this cartoon in The Oldie and thought of this thread...

Scentia Tue 07-Jan-20 18:11:28

We sleep in the same bed, we do have separate bathrooms however. (This is a must!) I miss my DH if he is away and cannot sleep at all.
I also love the midnight wake up for ‘shenanagins’, that would never happen if he had to come to my boudoir across in the west wing?