Men becoming grumpier with age

My Mom is 97 and my Dad was 94, sadly we list Dad in March this year. Mom always said when you get old, don't get smelly and don't get grumpy! It worked for them..

Lost not list!

Rufus2, because we know it's not 'just' us!
Mine also does FFS , Oh , and he never loses anything. someone else has also moved it.

Oh Yes! Absolutely! He used to be such a kind gentle soul, now he is so grumpy and has rants and tantrums over the slightest things. He speaks to me so rudely sometimes, and l don’t even think he is aware he is doing it!

because we know it's not 'just' us
Lois; (Apologies for the abbreviation, but it's now Wed. here and past my bedtime; in a hurry!) but I think I need to clarify my earlier post. I was simply wondering why it's "good to know"? Night night!

helenmabr Quote [ Oh Yes! Absolutely! He used to be such a kind gentle soul, now he is so grumpy and has rants and tantrums over the slightest things. He speaks to me so rudely sometimes, and l don’t even think he is aware he is doing it!] End Quote.

helenmabr, the ageing process changes all of us. Therefore, have you ever considered that you may have changed in the way you perceive and react to the way your husband or partner has always functioned over the years.

However, it is probable that you have both changed as time has progressed, and in that, you both have to adapt to that situation on a give and take basis.

However, as it is to be seen, there are any number of women on this forum who judging from their posts are perfect in every aspect of their lives, and therefore, they have nothing that can they can offer in any give and take process to their husbands or partners.

The way (and the language used!) when a man bashes away at a computer keyboard because "it's just not fast enough!" or "this is a stupid bloody thing!" is quite frightening - is this sort of behaviour the tip of a sinister iceberg?

Impatience seems to be the biggest problem with the Grumpies. Unfortunately many of them think that their impatience is a sign of their high intelligence. The two characteristics do not go together and sometimes I have to remind my DH of this.

Quite often the problem is caused by some minor medical problem they ignore.

I told DH he had sleep apnea about 10 years ago (it is usually linked with heavy snoring. The airways close and the man (it is usually a man) stops breathing for 10-20-30 seconds and then has a miniwake and breathes in explosively). The result is they do not sleep well and are tired and tetchy and generally impossible.

As I said I told DH he had this problem about 10 years ago. He did nothing and he got worse, more sleeping during the day, too tired on days out and barely able to walk. DS said how sad it was his DC would never know the fun person their grandfather really was. Finally DH had a micro-sleep when driving on the motorway, that scared him and he finally went to the doctor, with me. I explained his breathing when asleep, he did a sleep test, was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and now wears a light breathing apparatus at night.

The transformation was immediate. One good night's sleep and he was back to normal - miserable, tetchy, No, not really, but bright awake, playing and talking to DGC, busy around the house and cheerful.

No idea how to get said men to the doctor, DH ignored me but a good scare made him take action.

And of course we women never do?

I don’t want to sound sexist but it does seem to be the case
GardenerGran; I'm not late on this cos I was waiting to see why it was "good to see others out there" i.e. with Victor Meldrews'
Imho that remark does sound sexist, to me anyway.
About a year ago threads were running rife with posts parading recently- retired DHs as incompetent fools who knew nothing about the simple (and boring) facts of domestic life concerning dishwashers, waste-bins, etc.etc.' regardless of what type of skilled jobs they may have held down for 40 years or so.
I was new here then and found it amusing thinking it was all "jokey" which it may well have been, but it became tedious. Recently I was about to post, giving thanks for its apparent demise, but now it's back! Woe is me!

Margs in regard to your post @10:58 on the 11/1019, to suggest that a person becoming impatient with an IT system is a sign of that person becoming generally grumpy in life is quite frankly rediculas.

In our companies main open office where there are now twenty-eight workstations, anyone can witness employees of all ages and both genders frequently become very impatient with the system for any number of reasons.

It can be that documents or websites they are trying to access will not load quickly or not at all, or a report etc they may be working on is not going well. Many reasons can cause people to show frustration with an IT system and in that we have all shown (both men and women) great frustration and annoyance at times.

I would go as far as to state that should someone point out to me a person who uses a computer system for several hours on a regular daily basis and asserts that they have never shown frustration and even anger with that system, and I will point out a liar.

The above frustration is just part of life and in no way can be associated with overall dissatisfaction with living, and in that grumpiness.

The ageing process changes all of us both physically and mentally and that can bring about general dissatisfaction and "grumpiness" in both genders.

Grandad1943,, it's not the fact that we all get grumpier with age that people are commenting on. It's how men do it, the constant ranting, the FFS constantly being shouted, it's the lack of patience with technology/mechanical items, it's the complete failure ta ask any other person if they can help. I ask my OH if he needs help when he starts and the usual response is 'no!'. Often I could sort the issue out but he prefers to get more and more worked up. He threw a mobile phone across the room one day because he couldn't sort out some problem; if he had asked then it could have been sorted quietly. that is why I get upset.

Lowislovesstewie
My dearest friend and neighbour has a husband like yours, but, we've worked out a system where my OH can help without her Husband asking.
When her husband has a problem and refuses to ask for help, she texts me and says: can my OH 'pop' round (they are next door but 1) My OH strolls round and says: hello Rick, how's it going? Then Rick who's usually got some big project on the go opens up with 'the problem' and OHsteps in. All sorted without Rick knowing. ?

Loislovesstewie in regard to your post @14:43 today, I would agree that some men do get impatient and grumpy with age. However, the same process happens equally in women for that is all part of ageing.

What we witness on this forum is however women complaining about their husbands or partners in an environment where those men being accused in the majority of circumstance do not have the ability to respond and defend themselves to those accusations.

Indeed, it is probable that a great many of the males sited in posts in this thread are totally unaware of the harsh words being posted by their wives and partners against them.

It has been stated further up this thread that approximately twelve months back threads on this forum were rife with accounts of incompetence and even mocking of alleged stupid men who are husbands and partners of women members of this forum. Those threads and posts seemed to decline considerably for a time, but now appear to have made a return, of which this thread is one.

Of course, such threads are started and posts made within them by women who are obviously perfect in every aspect of their lives, for no responsibility in any form for being in any poor relationship is ever admitted by those making such posts.

petra, I wish I could do that. The trouble is that there are 3 people in the house who could do it but he won't allow them. I shall have to recruit a neighbour!

I think , in his case, that it is because when he worked he was 'someone'. now he is just Mr Lois and not an important working person .

Lois
That's sad ?

Grandad I think it's no secret that you do look for perceived insults to men whilst you have been a poster on GN, but I can't help feeling you blur the lines between personal gripes and as you have previously drawn our attention to, out and out "misandry".

I imagine the ratio of women posting on this site is far greater than men, how that ratio is broken down one can only guess at. but I think it's pretty safe to assume women outweigh male posters and as such we are the ones who tend to drive the talking points along on, if it were a site weighted the other way, then possibly the family relationship type of post might be skewed from a male perspective.

Quite honestly there are an awful lot of discussions about family dynamics per se, not just about male spouses, I'd say from the time I've been on here since 2011, I think the predominant discussions about inter family relationships relate to children/grandchildren rather than problems with husbands/male partners. Not getting along or changes in any relationships are issues that affect our lives and some people feel the need to post about problems they are facing, quite often for moral support.

I have an excellent husband, I'm lucky, I've no complaints, he has all the qualities I admire in a human being. However, if I were to describe my late father, the one word I'd use would be "irascible" not because he was male, but because simply that was always a facet of his personality and as such, and taking into account multiple health issues, yes as he aged he turned into a grumpy old man. Being grumpy can pertain to either sex, like a lot of other personality traits they are just part and parcel of the human condition imo. and as you say our individual aging process can be affected by umpteen variables.

For what it's worth I do think "misandry" exists, a while ago there seemed to be a spate of ads. where men were portrayed in a less than favourable light. As the mother of sons, I didn't like it, my impression was that there was some sort of misplaced raison d'etre to balance things up somehow in showing men up as fools. I think I'm also correct in saying that those ads didn't go down very well and received a fair number of complaints.

I think you have to make a distinction between moans about an individual, just because those observations happen to be about a husband it could just as well be another member of the family, it's the frustrations of everyday life the poster is sounding off about an issue that is pertinent to her life.

I have to answer because I don't hate men. I am not guilty of misandry, I am just commenting on the fact that some men definitely get grumpier with age and I feel that too often it is because a man's identity is tied up in their work. I don't think it is the same for women as they are so many other things. men often feel that they are only a success if they do well at their job, earn a high salary, achieve something. But women , often, don't feel those same pressures. If they have children they are often more concerned about how they are, concerned about husbands, parents etc. Women often put themselves last and continue to do so for ever. Their lives are not totally defined by work . Mine wasn't.

FWIW I have never been grumpy, I'm not now. There are days when I feel a bit down but overall I am glad to have lived this long and to be able to do lots of things that I enjoy. I know many who didn't get to do that. I suspect that I am a glass half full person; others aren't.

Well, the word "misandry" has been introduced into this thread in response to my post. However, should anyone care to read the posts I have made up thread then they will witness that I have not mentioned that word whatsoever, and nothing could have been further from my thoughts.

What I have questioned would be that there is in this thread and other threads women posting disparaging and highly disrespectful revelations in regard to their husbands and partners that those partners are in all probability entirely unaware of.

Surely if any person (man or woman) has any vestige of respect for a partner or themselves they would not even think of carrying out such an action even under a pseudo name.

I can understand a person who may feel the is a problem in a relationship seeking advice from others. However, that advise is surely better sought if it has to be online in a closed community environment such as WhatsApp among a low number of persons who may be known to the originator by way of their real names.

The above can mean much more to the people who read the problem and can make any advice being given far more meaningful and genuine especially if they personally know the person with the relationship problem.

On a forum such as this, the opening poster receives so-called advice from people they often have no knowledge of and who post under a forum name. In that, it can be seen time and time again that in such an environment you get those who seem to take great pleasure in telling the forum member with the problem to "just walk out of the relationship" when the problem may not be that deep, or just perceived by the person making the allegations, when the problem may be due to changes in that person themselves.

Respect is everything in any relationship, and when problems arise they are best discussed at first with the partner, and then with those you know, but never in my book on an open internet forum such as this.

The above is meant in equal terms to both genders.

I am going to say this and then leave it. I don't intend leaving my OH just because he is sometimes grumpy. I do tell him when he is being grumpy. A lot of what I have said here has been said to him. I have called him 'Victor' in a jokey fashion so that he knows that he has gone too far.
I joined this forum for several reasons; to gain insight, sometimes to vent,;to offer support to others based on my experience . There are others but those are the main ones. I joined precisely because I can say some things anonymously. It helps me in my , sometimes, difficult life. Yes, I do discuss issues with my OH but getting a response from others who are in different situations helps. I think most women will discuss issues with friends, the benefit of this forum is the very anonymity which it offers.
Lastly if a person is really unhappy in a relationship or being abused then surely the best response is to walk away?

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow

It's how men do it, the constant ranting, the FFS constantly being shouted

Lois; GreatNan had a joke similar to this called "Aural Sex"!
OoRoo

Mine likes to shout at all the politicians on TV talk shows and then shout at the presenters for cutting off their blather.

However, I now realise that this a good thing because recently, when he was very worried about a health problem, he stopped doing it.

We,re back to normal again now and I can smile at what I used to find very irritating.

I agree. If you want a good laugh watch 'Pam Ayres - They Should Have Asked My Husband' on YouTube. Hilarious.

chrissyh Will do. Thanks.