How soon did you see your grandchild and where?

Fizzers, I have never been invited or allowed to their home.

Flyingsolo,

You have a bigger issue than your relationship with your grandchild if you have not been invited to your son and dil's home.

I would try to address and fix it first

Hithere, I can’t do much because the issue is bigger than me and isn’t really about me, Flyingsolo, as an individual at all.

I am not doing so well today.

Have you tried to go to therapy to be able to cope?

You misunderstand. I am feeling panicky. I am frightened

Hithere

"My girls aren't the precious, controlling type who try to stop people visiting because they 'need to bond' with their newborn! They've already did that as soon as they saw their babies after the birth."

This is a very condescending statement.

Not willling to accomodate visits and family right after birth has nothing to do with being controlling and special.

It is not only a matter of mother-baby bonding. I bonded with my children months before they were born.
It is more about father-mother-baby bonding and learning to be a family of 3 (or 4 or 5, etc)

Hithere I agree. Although I sympathise with excited new grandparents not seeing their grandchildren reasonably quickly, if parents make a de vision to delay grandparent visits then that must be respected, and that decision is most definitely not necessarily about being "precious" or "controlling"

Madgran, I agree that it isn't necessarily about being "controlling" but it can be.

Madgran77,

I agree it is not controlling/precious at all from the ac's side.

As an adult, we decide how to invest our time, it is not controlling from our side

If it is controlling, it is from the gp's side who decide what to do with time that doesn't belong to them.

I was my first grandchild the moment she was born as my daughter wanted me there. Held her straight away as mum was in some distress. We've been close all the time. Looking after her a lot as parents working

Do these sons and daughters who keep their newborns from their own parents actually love their mums and dads?

And don't tell me it's nothing to do with love. It is. Or the lack of it.

Something's gone dreadfully wrong somewhere. And it's so sad.

If you have generalised anxiety FlyingSolo*, and it sounds as though you have, you should see your doctor. There are meds available that can make such a difference.

Gonegirl, did you read my pm?

Medication for me isn't the solution to this.

Hithere, surely either person might be a controlling person.

Yes, of course I read your PM. But I don't understand why you are feeling panicky and frightened. Unless it on behalf of your son.

Exactly so.
All of the grandparents were once parents, and all of the parents will probably become grandparents.

That doesn't involve a total personality transplant as far as I know.

Oh dear! Is this turning into another GN v MNrs thread? (Not you FlyingSolo)

That wasn't aimed at you MissAdventure

Gonegirl, yes, fear to do with this,

Flyingsolo,

I respect your right to privacy.

We can only comment and give you advice on what is publicly mentioned.

That is, if you want out point of view how to get out of the hole you are right now.

Hithere

*I agree it is not controlling/precious at all from the ac's side.
As an adult, we decide how to invest our time, it is not controlling from our side
If it is controlling, it is from the gp's side who decide what to do with time that doesn't belong to them.*

I understand your point although I think there are probably many excited new grandparents who don't want to control, just want to be involved.

AC and grandparents are all individuals with different motivations and reasons for their decisions. I'm not sure "sides" comes into it really.

Flyingsolo Madgran, I agree that it isn't necessarily about being "controlling" but it can be.

That is what I meant by "necessarily" in the sentence - sorry if I wasn't clear

MissAdventure *All of the grandparents were once parents, and all of the parents will probably become grandparents.

That doesn't involve a total personality transplant as far as I know.*

Not a personality change no, but a different perspective which some are probably better able to navigate through than others

FlyingSolo if you aren't prepared to put the whole story on the thread, then I don't see how anyone can advise you. I'm certainly not expert enough to give private advice.

I wish you well. Sorry I can't help.