How soon did you see your grandchild and where?

Okay. The trainstation was odd. We could overanalyse it forever

Draw a line.

If it was a snub, pretend you didnt notice and stay friendly
If it wasnt a snub and was a weird "baby brain" sleep deprived logic thing, offer them another chance.

Maybe send a little new mum & dad "survival pack": bath soak, coffee & chocs, with a little note saying you would love to see baby whenever they are up to having visitors (pretend you havent seen facebook)

We were lucky enough to see DGD when she was about a couple of weeks old - but she had arrived slightly early, I was working then, and we live 5000 miles apart. It was easier when DGS was born, because then DH & I were retired and were staying with the family (at their request) to offer support. (Perhaps I should mention this is DS's family - our only child.)

We were at the hospital waiting for the first one's arrival, she was very premature and we saw her in NICU within a couple of hours. Number 2 was born in the late evening and we met him the next day.
We're very lucky to be involved with both kids and see them often.
I hope your situation improves FlyingSolo

Well, I was extremely fortunate to watch my only grandchild enter the world. It was the most wonderful feeling to see my own daughter giving birth to her baby girl, and I’m eternally grateful to her for wanting me to be present.

I feel very sad for your situation, flyingsolo, your heart must be breaking.

A little of both.
The fact that you rebuffed the chance to meet your grandchild made it come across as uninterested, but I wasn’t sure if that was just careful wording on your part, or just offended that you weren’t asked to visit in what you consider a “normal” way.
I wasn’t trying to be offensive, I’m sorry if it came across otherwise.

I guess I'm lucky and count my blessing every day. I actually helped deliver my first GC, looked after the first whilst the second came into the world and took GD to see her baby brother later in the day. Saw GC 3 and 4 within a few hours too. Myself and the other grandparents have full access and share childcare if and when needed.

However, I do feel for those GParents who have to battle to see GC and the though of a MIL manipulating the situation would horrify me.

Bellsandwhistles, Oh no, you haven’t offended me. I genuinely wanted to know people’s views on this part of the situation when I first posted this. I was actually impressed you hadn’t made any assumption and wondered if you had possibly picked up on the fact that I am frightened to meet the baby.

I'd communicate in a non blaming way (just forgive them!) that you are desperate to see the wee darling and have gifts for him. So, could you please let me see him this week...too much time has passed. And see what happens. If you can't go to the girl's house, maybe they could come to you, or you could meet in a nice cafe

H1954, sorry, what do you mean by a MIL manipulating the situation?

I agree the train station meet up is unusual.

Maybe the mother was on her way out and was convenient for her? Who knows what else she had to do.

Did you let them know it was not convenient for you as you are nervous before travelling? Tried to arrange a different time?

Do you and your son and partner have the same concept of "seeing the gc"?
Maybe it means a quick 5 min talk while baby is sleeping.
Maybe it means a cup of tea and a 3 hour visit while you hold your gc

Be flexible and adjust. The newborn phase is hard and parents are on auto pilot.

The train station thing really isn’t that big a deal to me. I just wanted to know if people found that and the Facebook thing normal behaviour for this generation of new parents.

I count my blessing in saying that I was present at all my DDs births actually delivering DGS4 when the nurse left the room for 5 minutes,fantastic experience that I have never forgotten.
With both of my DILs they just wanted their OH with them,one came home to us as they where living with us at the time but I kept my distance for a day or two until she felt confident handling the little one and set up her breastfeeding,the other DIL made it clear she wanted an appointment system for GPs with her mum & dad and their new partners having the first 2 days after she came home,its understandable for girls to want their mums close by and its fine by me.I see this little one every week and she is a joy,my DDs children are grown up youngest is 16 they keep in touch a few times a week more often if they are short of funds
Try and see if you can talk to your son and tell him how much you would like to see the baby they are probably still on cloud 9 after all the excitement and he doesn't realise how you are feeling sons can be funny things when it comes to things that can hurt their mums they think we are available as and when they want us.

Glammanana, oh yes, funds, I know all about the need for them. And yes your last bit about sons does seem true but I wish I believed the bit about him being happy. His health, happiness and well being are the most important things to me.

That is so sad, he should be on cloud 9 shouldn’t he?

Im so sorry that you’re feeling apprehensive about meeting your grandchild.

May I ask why?

Bellsandwhistles

I was wondering the same, why are you anxious about it Flyingsolo?

Bellsandwhistles and Sara65, I will need to pm you to answer that. I will do it in a bit if you are ok about listening to me?

Of course

Yes of course

Thank you. I have pm'd you both

I saw all 3 grandchildren on the day they were born while my daughters were still in hospital. My girls aren't the precious, controlling type who try to stop people visiting because they 'need to bond' with their newborn! They've already did that as soon as they saw their babies after the birth.

Quizqueen, good point. I know not all mothers feel like that instantly but yes, I'm sure a lot do. I didn't need time to bond with him, I just did.

"My girls aren't the precious, controlling type who try to stop people visiting because they 'need to bond' with their newborn! They've already did that as soon as they saw their babies after the birth."

This is a very condescending statement.

Not willling to accomodate visits and family right after birth has nothing to do with being controlling and special.

It is not only a matter of mother-baby bonding. I bonded with my children months before they were born.
It is more about father-mother-baby bonding and learning to be a family of 3 (or 4 or 5, etc)

Giving birth is a medical event, both mother and child are patients.
The mother also needs to heal and recover as she thinks it is the best for her and how to take care of her new baby, instead of playing hostess while the baby is passed around like a football.

Hithere, yes, of course, giving birth is a medical event and there is no one size fits all. Some women will have a much easier experience of birth than others and because of that no one can be sure how they will feel after the birth or be absolutely certain of whether they will want visitors or not. I do think though that personality and character will play a part in their decision as well as things like health and well being.

I think it's time to ring or text and ask if it's convenient to come and see the little one